Positive birth stories please!!!!!

[brilliantbeing]

Hi

I am 30wks and went to my first antenatal class last night. I came home and cried because I am so afraid of the pain and getting pushed around/completely neglected at the hospital. The childbirth stories I have heard over the years have been universally negative. As has the feedback on London postnatal wards. People seem to have very mixed reviews of their childbirth support team too.

I would really love to hear some positive birth stories to balance this all out. Please do not worry about sounding smug or making mums that had a tough birth feel bad as I am sure there are PLENTY of others mums to be that desperately need some positive reassurance!

Have a lovely day

[Focusfocus]

Oh - also I dont have a "birth plan" - I have "birth preferences" page of a few bullet points. For me that one word makes a chunk of difference - "plan" was too much pressure.

its called preferences for I have said I'd like a hypnobirth in water in the MLU birth pool - but it also categorically states interventions/exams/monitoring all okay as long as discuss things clearly about BRAINS (Benefits, Risks etc etc) - which is where Doula and Husband have been asked to advocate and/or translateif I am not in the state. So I havent said "I plan to have a natural birth come what may" - because I simply do not have that information with me to write a birth "plan".

[Focusfocus]

Also - sorry - it is worthwhile trying to find out a bit about baby's position in advance although they change all the time. In case mine stays Back to Back throughout, we've got a list of things to watch out for, a few cheap but hard wooden wheel massagers off Amazon and birth partners who have been instructed to alert if A B C kind of pain starts happening.

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

Focus - Just as an aside, you can't always tell from the pain what the baby's position is. Some women just labour in their backs. I do. I only had an inkling DS wasn't back to back because after two b2b labours I knew it wasn't quite the same. If he'd been my first, I'd definitely have assumed he was. So if ABC pain starts happening, don't necessarily assume that that it what you are dealing with.

I agree that birth plans have a bad rep. The thing is, they shouldn't be a plan in that sense. More like a tree. Mine was quite long by my third because I knew about my own history and preferences. But even so, it was about "If X, then Y". If I am in theatre this couple of things matter. If I have an epdirual then Z. The idea that there are a form of writing down your ideal birth renders them worse than useless.

Hypnotherapy didn't work for me. But I know lots of people who've found it great.

[HappyIdiot]

and I was the opposite side of the coin - DD was back to back but I didn't get any pain in my back, just "normal" period pain-type contractions. this may be because I had excess fluid, I'm not sure. the only real symptom of BtB that I had was contractions that stayed irregular.

[Tornupinside]

Beautiful home water birth with partner and son present. Back to back labour but I found contractions more manageable than sons birth. Was relaxed and calm, barely any blood or stitches and back in my own bed an hour and a half after baby was born. Would do it all again in an instant! Xx

[Focusfocus]

Yeah I hear so many stories of non-back-pain and often even "okay" back to back labours. Which is all fine of course and might even be moi!!. Take it as it comes eh?!

[LoveInAColdClimate]

I had a brilliant first birth despite being induced - no pain relief needed except the pool, birth plan followed to the letter by the lovely staff, felt totally listened to and respected throughout. Doing it again imminently (any day I hope!) and really looking forward to it.

[LieselVonTwat]

I felt both labours in my back more, one back to back and one not. My back is also where I usually feel my period pain more. That said, I'd strongly advise anyone whose baby is back to back in late pregnancy to do what you can to turn them. I wish I had.

[simplysarcastic]

I read hardly anything, had no birthing plan and I went to no classes.

I had 2 quick labours. Dd1 was 3 hrs, I only went to hospital as my Dm and Dh dragged me there as I'd mentioned I thought I might be in labour - they wanted me checked, I was 7cm dilated . With dd2 I woke at 4:14am knowing I was in advanced labour, she arrived at 4:44 and I was home having tea and toast at 8 am.

What will be, will be.

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

Liesel - Totally agree. There is also a lot you can do to turn them using the power of the contractions in labour (rather than the passive 'wait for them to turn' that mw's often offer up).

[LieselVonTwat]

I just think, what's there to lose by trying? Worse case scenario, baby's still back to back exactly the same as they were before, and best case scenario you're preventing something that has the potential to make the birth much more difficult and painful.

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

Absolutely! All I was really meaning was that all was not lost if you don't turn them before. It doesn't mean you just have to ride out a back-to-back labour. Lots of babies can be successfully turned during labour, but the techniques aren't often raised by mws (though Doulas often know them).

[asstnitoma]

Just remember to breathe! Once your breathing technique is mastered, it makes things so much easier. I've had three births, all very different, but everyone is different! Don't hold your breath thinking it will make the pain stop, it just makes it harder. Keep calm. I'm sure you'll be fine. Wishing you all the luck in the world, for the hardest, yet most rewarding thing you'll ever do

[EasilyDistracted77]

If you can afford to do so, try contacting a hypnobirthing specialist. A good one will work with you to address your concerns as well as teaching techniques for dealing with labour itself and feeling in control of everything. If you can find one who has midwifery experience, all the better. If it's something you want to do, you'll need to get cracking, as ideally you'll need a bit of time leading up to the birth to practice the techniques.

There are a number of apps available for labour: I found one that you use to record the time between and actual duration of contractions which I found SO helpful both as a distraction and also with the realisation that the contractions don't necessarily last that long: it made labour feel so much more manageable!

[Focusfocus]

Ill agree with easilydistracted my hypnobirthing teacher bless her was a retired NHS midwife who worked over the span of a 33 year midwifery career at about four hospitals across the midlands. This mean she wasn't spouting breathe-Zen-waves to me but rather discussing hypnobirthing in the context of the hundreds of births she had attended to including obviously all sorts of onterventions. In fact during my course with her she was a birth doula at an unplanned epidural and forceps birth and a planned Caeserean birth and it was lovely to hear her stories afterwards of the ways in which HB helped I those very un-dimlit-room-whale-music situations. I found her three decades of nhs midwifery knowledge very useful in doing the course.

[feezap]

Brilliant - you are definitely not alone in being in tears after your first antenatal class - in fact I'm glad its not as odd as I thought it was! DH and I drove home in silent tears then had guests at our house so had to be jolly!

I was blissfully ignorant until that point and apart from practical advice on things I needed to know in advance I decided to stay that way. I refused to listen to horror stories and concentrated on looking after myself and preparing with yoga and breathing. I didn't go for hypnobirthing, it just isn't my thing but the relaxation and physical benefits of the yoga made sense.

Anyway, DS's birth was fine. Of course there was pain but it I knew I could do it. I used some breathing techniques but other than that just retreated into myself, concentrated and grit my teeth. I had an 8 hour active labour (great for a first!) With the final 3 hours in a birthing pool just on gas and air. DS was born naturally and I had no stitches. The team could not have looked after me better.

By no means does a first labour need to be awful, as PP said, we are made to do it and although tough, we are perfectly capable of getting through it.

You will be fine

[MMammoth]

I was induced at 12 days over. Early labour, I won't kid you, I found hard. I was desperate for strong pain relief (not paracetamol) but couldn't move to labour suite until 3-4cm. I was contracting every 2mins.
After moving to labour suite, things became much more manageable and less frantic in my head. I eventually opted for an epidural (they were going to put me on the drip) and it made the pushing stage of labour a real pleasurable experience. I felt in control and I wasn't focussed on the pain. I was planning a water birth but I'm so pleased I went in with an open mind about pain relief options.
It's hard but just tell yourself that every woman in your family tree above you has been through it and you've got the benefit of more advanced medical support if you need it.

[Sighing]

2 labours. My pain relief consisted of in and out of a bath (1) and a hot shower right on my back (2). Both - lots of pacing and thinking through the physical process as the antenatal / physio lessons prepped me.
Arrived at hospital both times 10 cm dilated and 'good to go' (the first time . Midwives made me comfy on the ward for number 1 I'd missed a meal so they gave me a couple of their very own choccie biccie supplies with my tea and toast whilst wxh dashed out for a sandwich for me.
Number 2. They knew I'd planned on a home birth (but the community midwives were recalled and two local hospitals were full) so they found the quietest space they could and bumped me first to the list to get the paediatrician to check over baby so I could be discharged.
I really think my experiences felt good because the midwives were very much listening and encouraging. I felt supported (even in the face of the unhelpful ex as a birthing partner .... had to force him from bed at around 11am and 1pm respectively )

[DowntownFunk]

I had two "good" labours, of less than 3 hours each.

Both my pregnancies went to 42 weeks but the ejections were quick

When I was pregnant with my first a colleague had a 53 hour labour followed by failed forceps the a c-section and a million stitches from arse to elbow. The day after when I got to work there was practically a queue of people at my desk waiting to tell me all the gory details.

[PermetsTu]

Focus, that retired midwife sounds brilliant.

I had birth trauma counselling after my first labour/delivery and it was delivered by a man who was also a leading obstetric consultant of 20 years. He was the perfect mix of knowledge, experience, empathy and practicality. He is solely responsible (well dh might have helped) for me having a second baby.

Hypnobirthing, done well, is a great tool in the arsenal. Except Mongan's stuff. Still gives me the rage years later.

[Keletubbie]

I was still asleep in the labour ward 30 mins before DD was born. Got pissed off that they made me get on the bed. Pushed twice, 9lb baby arrived. Walked down to the shower unaided shortly after.

The following 8 years have been much worse!

[Gwlondon]

I have two positive experiences. When I describe them they don't sound positive but to me they were as I wasn't frightened. Didn't get everything I wanted but they were good IMO. I did hypnnobirthing.

First- I was induced. Nearly had to go to theatre (baby distressed) but as the obstetrician was going to leave to get ready I explained that I could feel something. He checked me and I had been dilating so quickly that I was 10 cm. So we stayed put. I asked if "it was an emergency and do I have to push?". He said yes. Took 25 minutes. Like pooing. I made a comment and the obstetrical made a joke and we laughed. Contractions were intense but not painful. I dilated very quickly.

Second - spontaneous start. First contraction intense. Knew I needed to go to hospital. Only 45 min of contractions and baby born in the back of a cab. I didn't have to do anything because she came out by herself. Then I got to hold her and look at her eyes and a few minutes later we arrived and were helped out.

I had good experiences. I wanted active birth and lots of "skin to skin". I didn't get that either birth!! They were both intense but not painful. I reccomend hypnnobirthing. Then you can deal with negative worries before hand. Watch some positive births. Learn different ways to relax. My teacher was very practical and never judged about interventions. She was pragmatic and also very good at pointing out how some labours can be positive even in difficult situations. She's been helping women for many years.

[Welshmaman]

Can you give birth at home? I have had 4 births - one emergency Cesarean, 2 normal hospital and one in a big rush to arrive at home. Of them all - my favourite was at home - he was delivered by a paramedic on the floor of our middle room - with no curtains as we had just moved in! We (husband, me and baby) then went up to bed and stayed there for a while until he warmed up and began to feed. It was really lovely and he is still a really chilled and relaxed child even now at 15!!

[Galaxy2014]

Hi All,
I'll share my labour story if you like - it was a quick simple birth (I had no idea to be honest at the time lol) So my waters broke at 4am on Thurs (this does not hurt - just felt baby had done a massive kick then realised that it wasn't a kick!) So had minor cramps during the day - like period cramps. Then about 10pm went to birth centre as contractions had kicked in, only 1cm dilated so had to go home. Went back to birth centre for half midnight - fully dilated and Jack was born within half hour. All done on a couple of paracetamol so it can be done. (However the plan was for a nice water birth with gas n air - but baby was too impatient for that!) This was my first.

Tips I would share is do a birth plan - even if it's to say 'I would like x but pls ask me on the day' I had this on my plan and the midwives did use it. It helps them to know what you want.

Second tip - is make sure you have support. My hubby was amazing - I couldn't have done it without him. He was timing my contractions, telling me how to breath through them, on the phone to the midwifes all the time. So basically all I had to do was sit back and just cope with the contractions while he did everything else.

I didn't read too much as I was going to panic too much about it. In the end I just thought it would be discomfort for a day and it's worth it to meet your baby. Your body is built for this and will cope with what it's chucked at you. (I know it's easier said than done)

[Galaxy2014]

Oh something else to add.... Your body will tell you when you need to push - I thought this was the strangest feeling as I thought it would be done by the midwife but your body tells you. They all say it'll feel like you wanting to poo which it does but at that point you don't care and you just push :)