Positive birth stories please!!!!!

[brilliantbeing]

Hi

I am 30wks and went to my first antenatal class last night. I came home and cried because I am so afraid of the pain and getting pushed around/completely neglected at the hospital. The childbirth stories I have heard over the years have been universally negative. As has the feedback on London postnatal wards. People seem to have very mixed reviews of their childbirth support team too.

I would really love to hear some positive birth stories to balance this all out. Please do not worry about sounding smug or making mums that had a tough birth feel bad as I am sure there are PLENTY of others mums to be that desperately need some positive reassurance!

Have a lovely day

[Fromparistoberlin73]

BTW before DS1 I was a SHIITING IT- I applaud you all for doing what you can to remove the fear. I basically approached birth like I was going into torture chamber- yeah that helped! NOT

That calm hypo stuff- there is a point behind it. the calmer you are, the slower you breathe, the more you move. I used to think it was a load of shit- but its true!

Talking to people that had calm births is a good idea

don't read the horror stories!

and even if you do have to have an emergency CS, a ventouse staying calm will really help too XXX

[Jemimapuddleduk]

2 positive births for me (although written down some may read these as highly medicalised and a nightmare birth!).
With dd I was induced at term due to recurrent miscarriages and being under consultant care. I progressed very slowly over 4 days and dismissed my original plan to use minimal pain relief! I had gas and air, pethidine and then epidural. Ended up with an emcs as my dd was showing signs of foetal distres. I felt very well looked after throughout, was not pushed into pain relief options and the experience was all in all very positive and calm. My recovery was easy with minimal pain and got lots of support with bf'ing at hospital and at home. I opted for an elcs with ds which was also straightforward and relaxed. I did not have an expectation of a perfect birth. My main criteria was for a healthy, live baby.

[MrsFrankRicard]

I have a positive birth story -
About midnight, waters went..
2.30am contractions started, was able to doze through them, in amongst some rocking on the bed until 6am when I phoned the hospital, told DH we were going in and when we got there (MLU) I was fully dilated. Pushed DS1 out with just some gas and air at the end. I did need stitches and got out of my box on G&A for those. All pretty straightforward, labour 8 hours start to finish.

DS2 was a totally different birth story - ELCS for placenta praevia. Also fine, no complications, no pain at all, just very surreal and a bit scary.

[LillianGish]

So identify with your post OP. I also came home from the hospital and cried as the realisation of the inevitability of it all sunk in. Also I was in France and I was terrified I wouldn't understand in the heat of the moment or that no one would understand me. I really wish I hadn't wasted all that time feeling anxious. Firstly because it is completely pointless and changes nothing - as my midwife told me at the time so much of it is down to luck - length of labour, position of baby - pretty much predetermined. Also because in the end it was all so fantastically straightforward that I actually turned to DH and said "Was that it?" shortly before they handed me dd. I had a seven-and-half-hour labour - with an epidural so it was actually rather enjoyable. I pushed dd out with about six pushes and even though I ended up having an episiotomy because the cord was round her neck it was really no big deal. I had a shower almost immediately and felt on top of the world. Easily the best day of my life along with the even more straightforward birth of DS (no stitches that time) two years later. Actually you are doing the best thing you can do which is having ante natal classes at the hospital where you are going to give birth which imo is the best preparation you can do in terms of knowing what to expect and what's likely to happen. I wish you all the luck in the world for your birth - don't dread it, look forward to it - I wish I had!

[stubbornstains]

I've had 2 inductions, and they were both fine, and led to straightforward deliveries.

With DS2, the pessary didn't set me off, so they broke my waters, after which we set off to make circuits of the hospital grounds (lovely sunny day). After 3 hours of exploring every obscure corner of the grounds and stopping regularly for mild contractions, we went back to "my" room, and the contractions suddenly ramped right up to pretty unbearable.

I got an epidural straight away (even though I was only 3cm dilated ), and spent the next 5 hours in a cosy, pain free haze, watching evening sunlight travelling across the wall. The MW (who was really nice) was holding off examining me (apparently they don't want to do it too much as risk of infection), but I persuaded her to as I felt a distinct pressure v.low down....and I was 10cm dilated.

Then it was just a case of pushing reeaaally hard for half an hour until DS2 popped out .

[LieselVonTwat]

The calm ones who took it all in their stride, were workmanlike in attitude and came in determined to just get on with it - they tended to have the faster and easier births. After a while we played a game where we'd bet how long their labours would be. One particularly nervous woman I reckoned she'd be all day in labour. Sure enough.

It is, of course, quite possible that cause and effect are being mixed up here joffrey. Maybe the women you saw who were afraid felt that way because they had more than average to be afraid about, perhaps being induced for some kind of health complication rather than simply being overdue. Or they knew the heads or positions weren't optimum and had some idea what impact that might have. Maybe the ones who were chilled were like that because they'd had previous straightforward births, and it's the history of non-complex VB that led their inductions to work better than average rather than their attitudes.

[Runningupthathill82]

What Liesel said. As someone who still feels like a failure after a horrendous birth experience which couldn't be rectified with any amount of my hypnobirthing or yoga practice, posts such as Joffrey's only serve to reinforce the narrative that the birth I had was somehow "my fault."
It's not helpful.

[GinInAJamJar]

2 positive births - I had no expectations beyond wanting baby and me to be safe, and made sure DH would advocate for me if needed (and had the phone number of a dear friend who would do it if he didn't feel up to it). Of course, this was never needed but knowing that I had 2 people I loved ready to advocate for me if I were off this planet due to pain and drugs slightly distracted meant I was far more relaxed.

And one of the births was an induction.

Good luck.

[Alicadabra]

I haven't read the whole thread so forgive me if I repeat things others have said but I agree that your state of mind is hugely important. My top tips are:

1. Do whatever you can do to make your birth environment relaxed and comfortable (have the right people there - with backup plans if they can't get there in time, have things with you that'll be helpful, e.g. if you like music, create a playlist).
   

1. Give yourself permission to do whatever feels right (Want to stand up now? Do it. Want a bath? Do it. Want to scream and shout? You get the gist...)
   

1. Know what your ideal birth would be like, but be prepared for the fact that it might not go as planned. I was hugely lucky that mine did.
   

I don't usually tell my story as I don't want to upset/hurt people who've had a hard time of it, but since you asked, here it is!

During my first labour, I had a planned water-birth (I'm always more relaxed in water) with just gas and air and a single paracetamol. I was joking around with the midwives for much of the time - they couldn't believe it was my first time because I was so relaxed about it.

I knew what I wanted, but I wasn't really expecting it to go that smoothly, and I'd prepared myself for all sorts of other eventualities, which thankfully didn't crop up! I won't deny that the actual delivery was hard work, but in a way it was sort-of like doing a really hefty workout at the gym - uncomfortable at the time but oh so rewarding!

My second labour was pretty much the same but a lot lot quicker, and much more intense. Oh, and without the paracetamol

[hotfuzzra]

Hi OP
Another great first birth story here, again I never share unless explicitly asked!
Planned homebirth. All of Friday had random and weak contractions, knew it could take hours days Called midwives anyway around 5pm as had been advised it would help them with their workload etc. They said call again if anything changes. Over night uncomfortable contractions every 10 mins on the dot. DH wrote each one down to begin with I had a TENS on from Friday early evening onwards. It was fucking awesome and I couldn't turn it further than 5/10 as it was a more painful than the contractions. I did try to go to bed but it was much more bearable when I was standing up.
Saturday regular contractions but 5-8 mins apart. Couldn't eat anything. Nibble of jam on toast = vomit. Kissing DH who'd eaten toast = vomit. Not what I'd planned with piles of healthy snacks Haribo teetering in the kitchen!
About 5pm regular, every 3 mins. Community MW said she'd come round, but would we mind if she came a bit later after she'd put the kids to bed!
8pm she examined me, I was only 2cm. I was absolutely gutted. I thought I'd be much further than that. She said FTM, don't expect it tonight, you're looking at tomorrow sometime... Call if anything changes etc etc
At 10pm it was reeeaaly uncomfortable. I took 2 paracetamol.
At 11pm I started swearing. I felt like I needed to shit (not like the books say, a 'feeling of pressure' but literally like there was Shit. Coming. Out. Of. My. Arse.) Went to the toilet, sat on the toilet, body pushing, I think I'm going to give myself piles so actively try not to push fucking idiot
DH wants to come in, I shout "DO NOT COME IN, I'M DOING A SHIT" (Hilarious, I'll never forget that!)
Shortly after I'm moaning saying 'she said it's not coming until tomorrow, I'm only half way through, I can't do twice more of this...'
Around 11.30 Get DH to call MW who disbelievingly agrees to come and check me out.
Before MW arrives my waters go. I see vernix on my fingers and it suddenly twigs that maybe the baby is coming now! fucking idiot! I then have a good rummage down there and felt the head!
Midwife gets here at 12.03 (Sunday)
DD arrives at 12.16
I gave birth standing up. Fairly confident gravity helped me, much better than sitting on a toilet.
My top tips. I read Ina May Gaskin, JuJu Sundin's Birth Skills and a few other natural birth books. I really believed and trusted in my body's ability to do what it knew to do. I had used Marie Mongan's Hypnobirthing CD and book but it didn't really sink in with me other than feeling positive about meeting baby, and visualising the uterus walls contracting.
To occupy my mind while I was having contractions I counted using the window method; in for 4, out for 6. DH actually counted out loud for me, I counted in my head. I also went round any rectangle I could see along the short/long side.
I paced, up and down when I had the strength, and on then spot when I was too tired. I am a keen cyclist and I visualized going up a hill on my commute that was long and challenging. Every step was another pedal turn, and I visualized my favourite view over the hill, at dawn with the sun coming up through the mist.
The hill is so big that at I never reach the top; the contraction was always finished by about halfway. Also there were some really good mantras from both books along then lines of it being Good Pain, not bad unhealthy pain and Every contraction is bringing baby closer to meeting me.
It was very uncomfortable at times and I tore a little but I still maintain it wasn't the most painful experience of my life (tooth abscess) and I've already forgotten it.
Good luck! I hope everyone reading these messages are buoyed by the positivity in here! very unmumsnetty xxx

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

I had two great births. My first though, was tough.

I had go e into it with the right attitude. I'd read. I knew about cascades of intervention yada yada.

What I hadn't equipped myself for was a tough birth that went on for days. I was so determined to be positive that I hadn't thought beyond "Ooh, if I need an epidural I will have one".

I think the single biggest thing you can do is make peace with the fact that preparation is great, but there is no failure in birth. If it goes differently it isn't your fault and it isn't failure.

In terms of action, if you have a long labour and are exhausted, the single best thing I personally think you can do is have an experienced birth partner - whether hats a doula or your mum. My DH was lovely, but it was all new to him too.

My good birth - DS. At home . 4 hours. Pool . lovely

[Mamachim]

I was the same pre DD1. I'm a medic whos worked in obstetrics and was so informed Id terrified myself. I also read positive birth stories and did hypnobirthing and in the end I'd go so far as to say I almost enjoyed the experience! I had a two day labour at home (at T+14 having refused induction) with hypnobirthing and arrived at hospital at 7cm. I had my daughter a few hours later with a bit of gas and air, no stitches just went with my body. It wasn't even really painful just like gastro spasms really. I was very lucky that my baby was in a great position as if they aren't not much you do can change things but my attitude was prepare for worst, hope for best! Even people in my hypno class who ended up with emergency sections aid hypno helped keep them in control. (I also took a stash of Cocodamol to alleviate part of my poor postop staffing fears but they were unneeded and unwarranted as the midwives on post op were absolutely lovely.) Hope all goes well for you.

[Luckystar82]

I gave birth to my lovely daughter 2 months ago, in a water pool at an NHS birth centre. I had a wonderful experience despite birthing a 10lb baby! I followed a loose plan of doing enjoyable stuff to increase Oxytocin and using natural pain relief (TENs machine, gas and air, water birth). Our NCT course emphasised the importance of doing nice things to increase Oxytocin levels and keep you calm - this makes labour progress quicker and reduces pain. My experience seems to corroborate this, although I may have just got lucky.

In total, my labour lasted 8 hours and it wasn't that painful. My DH and I went to the cinema during early labour and saw my contractions go from 10 mins to 6 mins apart. The film helped take my mind off the labour and kept me relaxed (we stayed til the end). When we got home my contractions were down to 5 mins apart. I ate dinner, had a bath with candles, ate chocolate, drank a tiny bit of wine - all to increase Oxytocin. I used a TENS machine to manage the pain.

I had my first painful contraction on the way to the hospital. On examination I was 8cm dilated and ready to go into the water - I was absolutely delighted! I laboured through my contractions using gas and air (squeezing the poor midwife's hand!) and after 1 hour in the pool and 5 big pushes gave birth to our little girl. Just before the pushing I did get scared and freaked out (this is where good support is so important) but I was determined and went into a sort of trance and found the power to push! When you crown the head, it stings somewhat, but I didn't find it that bad. The urge to push and the pushing itself feels like going for a massive pooh! Breastfeeding on the other hand, was the most painful and difficult thing I have ever done. I stuck with it and am still EBF - it gets better quickly and was no longer painful after 7 days.

I gave birth to the placenta straight after the cord was cut (it was not painful). I had a small tear which did not require stitches and healed without me noticing. The midwives were delightful and my DH's support was vital to get me through. Doing my first wee was stingy but the second was fine (also TMI but the idea of the first post-partum pooh was more scary than the reality!)

I decided during my pregnancy not to do hypnobirthing. Mainly because you have to think about all the horrible birth experiences you could have and I did not want to do that. I preferred a loose plan focused on positivity, keeping calm and increasing Oxytocin levels. I didn't read any books but just wrote down things I like to do that help me to relax during the labour.

[wotoodoo]

Ok so only here will I post my experience as I actually had an almighty orgasm having my first dd. I had a home water birth (if you want to read 100s of positive birth experiences do an internet search of those).

And while in this case the water slowed down my contractions, I was ordered out of the water and told to walk up and down in the bathroom to kickstart the contractions again. Well it didn't work and left me exhausted.

I decided to take matters into my own hands and announced I was going to do it my way from now on and that I was going to bed!

I must have dozed off for about half an hour or so but then I awoke to an almighty contraction. Because I was so relaxed it was like my body was 'taking over' and I was the bystander. I literally just watched as the muscles took over!

After a couple more of these contractions my dd gushed out like a slippery seal and I literally went 'wheyyy heyyyy heyyy' in orgasmic convulsions.

[CampariSpritz]

I had a wonderful, happy, virtually painfree birth in December at Kingston Hospital, who I can't recommend highly enough. Like Jemimapuddleduck, written down it sounds very medicalised (I was induced because my waters broke, but I didn't have any contractions), but although I was propped up in bed hooked up to all sorts of contraptions from 10am to 2.30am the next day, I was listening to Radio 4 (take a radio with you, if you like that sort of thing) until twenty minutes before DD arrived and read The Times with all the supplements. The care at Kingston was excellent and friendly, even though it was a Saturday.

I too was petrified before and after my first NCT session. Hypnobirthing made a tremendous difference. I am a bit evangelical about it. I was very sceptical about being able to get myself into a serene state (I am highly strung and thought it would be a bit leftie), but it did help me approach birth in a positive manner. If you are in SW London, pm me and I can send you the details of my instructor if you like. 'Proper' hypnobirthing does not advocate drugs as pain relief, but I used both as tools, which suited me.

Here are a few other things that made a difference:

1. creature comforts - my radio kept me entertained all day. The anaesthetist came in whilst we were listening to the 'World Tonight' and declared that DD would be very intelligent! I am going to sound like a total princess now, but I also put together a 'birthing wardrobe' of soft cotton and cashmere. I am aware that I must sound like Joan Collins now, but it definitely made me feel happy.
2. be flexible - don't get too wedded to your birthing plan. In my experience, some of my friends who have had the 'worst' experience (subjectively, rather than medically) were hell bent on a home water birth. Then when it didn't go to plan, they got very distressed as they were going into labour. Not a great start.
3. pain relief - love the stuff. Pethadene (sp?) was fun (although I should note that some people do not like it. The epidural was marvellous. I was anxious about the needle that they show in NCT, but it does in your back so you don't see it. Ask for the pain relief when you go in, so that they can be ready and get DH/DP/birthing partner to push for it. I only had two twenty minutes of medium level pain as I was waiting for the two lots of pain relief. Both bearable. I would say once it is starting to ramp up and getting less bearable, ask for pain relief. Don't wait too long and don't be a martyr.
4. end - remember that your baby is likely to be the most wonderful, transformative, amazing experience that you will ever have. You will feel love that you never thought you could feel.

Good luck OP!

[Panicmode1]

I have had four children - three without any (narcotic) pain relief at all. I laboured in water at home for as long as possible before going in to hospital (I needed IV AB in labour due to a hole in my heart so couldn't have a home birth) which made a huge difference (I think). In fact, my youngest was born within 10 minutes of ringing the bell at the delivery suite door - the MW didn't even have time to get a delivery pack ready.

My first, although very, very long, and fairly medicalised, wasn't really that painful - it just seemed to go on forever - but at the time, all I remember thinking was that I get to meet my baby at the end of it, so it will all be worth it in the end - and it really, really was.

I think that people are far more ready to tell horror stories than positive ones....good luck and just go with how your body is feeling - don't worry too much about sticking too rigidly to birth plans.

[cjt110]

1 baby here. Long labour (24 hours) but the pain wasnt like I was going to die - more like a combination of bad period pains and needing to empty my bowels. I felt very empowered that I was bringing our child into the world.

Worth every (long arse!) hour!

[hangingoutattheendofmywick]

Just to say that I had a negative birth (in that NEARLY everything that could go wrong went wrong) - but I look on it as an extremely positive experience. I still think of it fondly because of the outstanding care of the midwives and how it brought my partner and I even closer and of course - that my son was born. You don't remember the pain - and you're so much stronger than you think you are. I am the biggest wimp ever and cried so much prior but something kicks in .... adrenaline or survival instinct mixed with excitement and you'll be great.

[HappyIdiot]

Positivity in birth is nothing to do with method of delivery. You can have a textbook delivery and feel traumatised and an intervention heavy delivery which ends in CS and it be the most positive thing in the world.

^^This. in fact everything permetstu said.

on paper, my labour sounds bad - v long (50odd hours), back-to-back baby that turned halfway round and eventually got stuck, synto drip cranked up to max, failed ventouse, category 1 CS.

but you know what? it wasn't that bad at all. the only bits that I wouldn't repeat are deciding to have diamorphine (it didn't agree with me at all) and the fact that I have crap veins and seriously the worst bit of the whole 2 days was getting the cannula in my hand for the drip.

I managed the rest of it on g&a, no epidural, just a spinal in theatre for the ventouse/section.

the staff were all amazing, I had a student midwife with me the whole time, she stayed ages past the end of her shift. I felt informed, supported, cared for the entire time. another student midwife gave me a bed bath afterwards that made me cry because it was the most caring, gentle wonderful thing anyone could have done for me after all that effort.

I had 6 days on the post-natal ward (not London) which was also fab. quiet, decent food, relaxing, lots of support with DD.

so, please remember that even if your plans go out of the window, its not any sort of failure and can still be a fantastic experience.

should also say, I did a Lazy Daisy ante-natal class that I would recommend.

[HappyIdiot]

my radio kept me entertained all day. The anaesthetist came in whilst we were listening to the 'World Tonight' and declared that DD would be very intelligent!

the midwife came in whilst I was bouncing up and down on my birthing ball singing along to a compilation of cheesy 80s music!! god knows what that says about my DD!!!

[Annarose2014]

I really think keeping a positive attitude helps enormously - not neccessarily in the "ease" of birth (which is beyond your control) but how you perceive it afterwards.

I was always asked for my "birth plan". I kept saying that I didn't have one, and didnt intend to have one. I had preferences, but was prepared to throw them away at any moment should events change on the day.

I think that helped. I never felt like I had a plan that failed.

On the day things happened a bit wonky. They had to do a lot of intervention. But I decided to just roll with it (and ask for an epidural - greatest invention ever!)

It wasn't an easy birth, but I decided I didn't care. It was just one day out of my life and the day after,the first day of my life with my new child, was just as important.

The baby doesn't give a damn how its born. Its important to remember that.

But in saying that, I don't think I'd have been as sanguine without that epidural!

[SilverdaleGlen]

After a long but ultimately natural 1st birth for number 2 I decided to do hypnobirthing. Read the Marie Mongan book and downloaded music that relaxed me (tBteinary Deep Sleep music).

Spent 4 weeks falling asleep to the music on my left side pillow between my legs breathing in imagining a balloon filling in my tummy then out imagining it going down the birth canal and away.

Worked a bit too well. When my contractions started I laid down ipod in and FELL ASLEEP.

Woke to my husband realising I was nearly ready, I wasn't convinced so we drove to the hospital walked from the carpark and I gave birth to her head halfway in .

DD3 i did the same thing but got went in early as requested. She was stuck. Back to back forehead first with an infection BUT because I was so calm and so able to control any pain with the breathing I could listen to instructions. Give guidance on what felt right to me and she arrived naturally safe and sound. It could have been traumatic but my attitude made me able to cope and rationalise it.

Birth 1 was probably less traumatic but felt more so as I was so out of control and so unable to process.

I can't recommend hypnobirthing enough.

[Focusfocus]

Fantastic to read so many positive accounts of various versions of births with varying degrees of interventions. We truly don't hear them enough. Also very nice to hear positive accounts of hypnobirthing helping a variety of different situations. I need these at the moment, truly.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I had my two before hypnobirthing was really a thing - either side of the millenium (never thought that would sound so much in the dim and distant past!) But I'd read enough to make a reality of the idea of going to something of a different place in your mind and body for birth. I can be quite spacey anyway so perhaps that helps Anyway don't try to do too much thinking at the same time! Perhaps this is another reason why it's good to have thought through your response to diff situations beforehand. And to have a good birth advocate by your side

[Focusfocus]

I've done a hypnobirthing ccourse. But here are some other things I have done which may or may not help -

Read up (calmly) about various kinds of forceps, ventouse and C sections - what circs might call for them, what they actually involve and what repurcussions I might expect.

Read up about back labour and techniques to both identify posterior labout in the early/latent stages and cope

Given some thought to - when in the process of trying to birth in a calm pool - I (or my birth partners) can make calls on whether its happening or not or seek advise on it and which step on the intervention ladder i would place myself on (if there is a choice)

Got myself two birth partners - my husband (who is also educating himself on posterior labour) and a Doula - both of whom know my birth preferences

Stopped (at this point) reading stories of birth trauma. And forgiven myself for that - because this is aprt of a range of choices I am allowed to make in the last lap of my pregnancy as long as I have educated myself.

Continuing to practice hypnobirthing - NOT having decided I would birth like a Zen goddess in the stream - but rather- to be my companion for whatever course my birthing takes.

Continuing to envisage a variety of situations - me in a lovely dimlit birthing pool, me at home, me in a lit up theatre with loads of people - as I practise hypnobirthing relaxation. As I tell people, if nothing else it has resolved nerves, constipation and insomnia in the final lap - and I am happy with just that.