Instructions for birth partner - what would you add?

[Plateofcrumbs]

I'm writing my DH a bullet-point list of 'instructions' for what he needs to do/how he can help during birth. From trivial (feed me jelly babies!) through to important medical stuff (if I have an EMCS make sure they remember that...).

Here's my headings so far - what would you add?

• packing (double check have got maternity notes etc).
  

• food drink and comfort (reminder of what's in hospital bag to feed me, help me stay cool etc)
  

• coping (what he can do to help me keep calm - breathing/hypnobirthing stuff etc)
  

• advocacy (key stuff from the birth plan he should make a fuss about to HCPs if needed).

[combust22]

I would have hated having an epidural canula inserted "just in case". For many that would generate quite a lot of anxiety and fear, which in itself could impact on the progress of labour.

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

I am not arguing that an epidural won't, for most people, be an improvement on pain that is getting too much to bear. I'm saying that the "why on earth wouldn't women have one, you don't get a medal" etc attitude shown sometimes isn't fair to women who have very valid reasons to want to avoid them. Just as unfair as those who look down on pain relief.

FWIW, incomplete pain relief was way worse for me than none, as my mobility had been so reduced that I had lost my other coping mechanisms. And pain relief down just one side, as a friend had, is just hellish.

[jessiemummy28]

The only instruction for my DH was to not touch me and not talk to me, and to not tell me I'm 'doing really well!'. Honestly he ended up just sitting next to me practically in silence for the whole labour!

[weebairn]

I didn't want an epidural cause I wanted to stay at home. Would I have had one at transition (which went on for hours) if it had been easily available? Yes, definitely. Was I glad to be at home with real food, nice shower, peace and quiet, easy start to breastfeeding and my DP there all day and all night following the birth? Yes. It was worth it for me. I also liked being on my feet immediately after birth and I didn't find the pushing stage painful or difficult.

Different people want different things and I don't get what the sneering is about. I have friends who want an epidural regardless of how the labour goes (my friend had one at 9cm in both of her short straightforward labours) and that is completely their choice and cool by me!

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

Absolutely Weebairn. And the key thing , especially with your first, is that your preferences in theory might be different to in practice.

[ohthegoats]

Is it wrong to have laughed at lots of these! Good suggestions. I bumped into a guy in the lift at my last consultant appointment who had been sent for a walk, poor chap seemed traumatised.. clutching a Sainsburys carrier bag repeating 'She's in labour now... 5 hours to go apparently... she's in labour right now... '

My favourite is CLEAN YOUR TEETH. I'm having serious issues with the smell of my boyfriend at the moment (I'm 29 weeks, I thought it might wear off), especially his breath. He gets all snippy about being constantly asked to clean his teeth - excuse me, if that's the worst physical thing that's going to happen to you, then feel lucky!

[mathanxiety]

Believe me, bad breath in your face (on top of every other damn thing that's going on) when you are trying to do controlled breathing, or to count while pushing is one of the nastiest things one human can inflict on another.

[mathanxiety]

I would like to repeat again, that having the canula inserted when you have the chance is a very good idea. And epidurals themselves will bring significant pain relief to the vast majority of women.

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

Is that an option in NHS hospitals Math? Not something I have heard of.