A bit anxious at the thought of second home birth

[weebairn]

It's early days but…

I had a home birth for my first. It was generally a good experience, well it was certainly great being at home after the birth and recovery was really quick.

So I am only 9 weeks and I saw my midwife and she said did I want another home birth and I said I thought so but…

Last time my waters went at midnight and I started contracting right away, 3 in 10 minutes right from the start. They were reasonably painful within a few hours. I thought I coped pretty well at home with my DP and my best mate, lots of climbing stairs and resting, set up the pool, stayed active and on my feet.

24 hours later midwife arrived. I was already so tired. 7cm.

Labour really ramped up. Got examined again 4 hours later when she thought I was fully dilated. 8 cm.

Several more hours of out-of-this-world, out-of-my-body contractions - they were concerned I wasn't progressing, and I lost all my confidence. (Baby was fine throughout though.) So you know they say the transition bit is when you go out of your mind and try and walk out the room and say you don't want a baby any more? I was prepared for that, but I thought it would be 10 minutes! Not 3 hours. Finally examined again and was fully dilated.

Pushing stage was fine except I can barely remember it I was so tired falling asleep between contractions. 30 minutes. No tears. Lovely healthy baby. Was wonderful being at home as I said. I had a very settled baby and lovely easy time of breastfeeding. I was never alone on a postnatal ward. I had great food and comfy bed. I know I am very lucky.

But I'm not sure I can do that again??? My midwife said second births are much shorter and easier - do you think this really is the case for everyone?? I am glad I did stay at home. I think they would have interfered with my labour in hospital, and it might not have ended so well for me and baby. But I am crying a little writing this and not sure I have the strength, to do that, again.

[TheScience]

weebairn - I've kind of had a joint plan all the way through (as suggested by my midwives) of a homebirth and/or a MLU birth. So I have both options, and when I am in labour the homebirth team will come to me and I can decide at that point (or at any point really) if I'm going to stay at home or go to the MLU. One of the big factors for me is whether the MLU will have a pool free - if not I will stay at home I think. Similarly if labour seems to be progressing quickly I will stay at home. Might be worth taking that approach for you too?

[Parliamo]

A hypnobirthing course? I wish I had done it before dd1 and not waited till dd3! It gave us so much more confidence. Also the third time I just lay still for the latent phase instead of all that exhausting walking being wound up about when it was all going to kick off properly. Ditto in the final few weeks, I concentrated on being relaxed and rested. It was a much better preparation for labour.

By the way, I think it's normal to be more anxious in subsequent pregnancies. You have a greater awareness of what it involves!

[plantsitter]

It might be useful to check your labour notes to find out exactly what happened if you can.

It sounds like what you are scared of is another labour. Which is entirely understandable, but not necessarily improved by being in hospital and frankly more likely to be worse in terms of how you feel afterwards.

You don't have to make this decision until you go into labour - actually until the baby is being born! I would plan for a home birth and be prepared to go into hospital if I were you.

[weebairn]

Resting for the latent phase is a good tip. I don't know how when active labour actually started - like I said I was 7cm first time I was examined. I was 3cm in the hospital a couple of hours after my waters went (they took some swabs then)

Because my waters went first the hospital said they would have to induce me if I hadn't naturally gone into labour within 24 hours - that was my main motivation for tramping up and down stairs for a while. But maybe it would have been better to have saved my strength. Who knows.

I'm so irrationally jealous of people who have short labours. I feel I coped reasonably well with the pain, but just got so so tired.

[LoveGigi]

I am sort of in the same boat weebairn. DD1's latent phase began on her due date, but she was born 5 days later by EMCS to a very exhausted me, 34 hours of my labour was in hospital.

In an attempt to have a good chance at a VBAC I opted for a home birth for DD2, again contractions started on her due date. I hoped I had learned some lessons from DD1's birth, tried to rest as much as poss etc. I held off calling the midwives for as long as possible and was at the end of my tether by the time they arrived at 5pm. I was examined and was fully dilated, yay I thought I was in business! I was wrong. By 11pm I still wasn't in 2nd stage labour. The midwives ruptured the membranes and that catapulted me into 2nd stage. By midnight the mws were unsure who's heartbeat they were picking up and I was transferred in to hospital by ambulance. She was born shortly afterwards with ventouse and episiotomy. She was consequently never in distress. DD2 was also born 5 days after her due date.

I know that had I been in hospital with DD2 I'd have begged for a CS! I feel that I pushed myself so far past my limits. I had not slept for 2 days by the time DD2 arrived despite knowing I needed to rest etc.

I'm now pg with DC3 and have said I'll have another HB but I'm not at all sure. I don't know if I have it in me to go through it all again at home. I have a feeling that I just can't give birth easily. I did natal hypnotherapy last time and read Ina May Gaskin repeatedly. I couldn't have had a more positive mindset. I will need to regain some sort of perspective before this DC arrives as if I do opt for a HB any doubts will be amplified.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

[AmericasTorturedBrow]

I understand - I had a relatively easy and short and incredible HB with DC1, transition was probably about 2mins if that!

DC2 came a lot quicker and much more painful, transition lasted an hour (our of a 4hour labour) and I begged and begged to go to hospital, just lost total confidence in myself. So glad I was home in the end though with my midwives who I knew and trusted implicitly who got me through calmly and without pressure

Don't forget you can always choose to go in if you need to (they knew I was in transition and probably didn't need to and was too close to 2nd stage anyway and everything else was well - also should preface I knew my lead midwife incredibly well as she became a close friend after delivering DC1 so she was really able to assess me properly)

You can do it! Good luck, and congrats