Overwhelmed by the amount of weight I have to lose

[DaveTheOnion]

I started a plan with Team RH last week and so far so good. I am losing weight on it. However it has hit me the sheer amount I need to lose........6 stone, maybe a little more and I feel really overwhelmed by it.
I have tried every diet under the sun. Weight watchers, slim fast, slimming world, Cambridge etc. I lose weight then put it all back on and more. Last week when I started I was 18st 3 😭I am so disgusted with myself.

I can't imagine myself being slim. I absolutely hate the way I look at the moment and take very little care of myself. I dress like a 50+ year old when I am in my 30s and just look like a terrible frump.

I know I need to change more than just my eating habits and be nicer to myself but it is so hard. I have started out with making sure I put moisturiser on every morning and night. Then I will add something else when I know it is a reliable part of my routine. In my brain I feel like I don't deserve to look nice of have nice things because of how fat I am.

I just wondered if anyone else has gone through this and succeeded. I am so uncomfortable and dreading our summer holiday this year. I want to have energy and zest for life instead of being miserable.

Someone told me to make a vision board for when I lose the weight of the clothes I will buy and things I will be able to do when I am not so large.

Hi!

I like how you’re using moisturiser; you’re on the right track there because you need to feel like your body is worth making an effort for. I don’t want to push you on something you’re not comfortable about but for me, I got overweight and couldn’t lose it because of abuse issues from the past. Food became my only comfort. I then hated myself even more because I was fat (14 stone is a lot for my frame and height, not dissimilar to others at a heavier weight). You’ve said some things about feeling like you don’t deserve nice things. That’s what makes me wonder if there’s something deeper.

I only was able to change my eating habits by going no contact with the abuser. I hope it’s not that but it’s worth digging deep before you start your weight loss journey. I’m always shocked that weight loss programmes never seem to mention this angle.

@Feliciacat I think a lot of my over eating stems from trauma. Lost a parent at a very young age. Was in an abusive relationship etc. He is long gone thankfully and I have had therapy to try and heal from him but I don't think what he did will ever truly leave me even though I haven't seen him in 10+ years.
I don't drink/smoke/take drugs and when you're lonely food is there for you. When your sad it perks you up. When your happy you can celebrate with it. I have used food as a crutch for far too long, and eaten all the wrong things when I do.

I am trying to retain my brain a bit whilst I do this. So some healthy foods for me are a treat as much as a chocolate bar! I love anything marinated in honey and soy so tonight's dinner will be just that, to cheer me up after a looooong week. lots of veg. Lots of protein and hopefully lots of dopamine.

I am pretty short so to be carrying 18 stone around is very visible. I look like a weeble!

@DaveTheOnion I’m so sorry to hear about your traumas. You must be very resilient to have got through those events. You could be right that the trauma will never completely leave you, I didn’t mean to make it sound like you should or could ‘get over it’. I think that knowing that external factors have made you feel lonely and in need of comfort is key to your success. Food is indeed always there for you. It’s a constant in life no matter how bad things get. It makes a lot of sense that you would overeat to feel better. Society makes out that larger people are ‘lazy’ and that it’s their own fault. I think that’s wrong and terribly unkind. Often, it stems from trauma and it’s good you’ve realised that.

I think you sound like you’re on the right path. It’s ok to enjoy food as long as it’s controlled. Soy and honey sounds delicious! You seem like you’re giving yourself healthy things because you’re loving yourself more. That’s fantastic so keep going with that.

I'm sorry if this isn't a super helpful thought, but could you think of it less as losing weight, and more as helping your body to feel healthier through better fuel and more exercise? Less as looking nice and more as treating the body you live in with compassion?

Every day that you feel better in yourself is a win no matter what the scales say.

Personally I've found that if you cut out processed foods and sugar, you can pretty much keep eating without worrying about calories and diets - in my experience it's hard to put on weight with simple vegetables and proteins like eggs, fish, chicken.

I’ve got the same amount of weight to lose. It feels overwhelming. I’ve got two kids with special needs and emotionally I’m burnt out by caring and working. It’s exhausting. I’ve been listening to podcasts by Kellie Fennell who’s a straight talking Irish PT and Jordan Syatt to work in changing my mind set.

If you’d like to chat and have a buddy, PM me 🙂

Ive started making sure I do 10,000 steps a day and writing down everything I eat.

I know exactly how you feel, in fact I could have written this post. I lost a parent as a teenager and spent my late teens/ early twenties in a horrendous abusive relationship. Since my parent died my weight became an issue and have been in a cycle of binging or dieting all my adult life. I was 18st at the start of this year, down to 16st5 at the moment but stuck and slipping off the rails.

I don’t have many tips I’m afraid, but here to show solidarity and also to see if any of the advice helps me also.

I think we need some people who’ve been overweight, lost it and kept it off to come on and advise

Your story is pretty much mine, except I am in my 50s. Ive even done 9 months of Ozempic with no difference in weight. Despite almost no alcohol and finally feeling full. So I think weight loss isn't for me anymore but I can treat my body a little better.

I've bought the better me and daily yoga apps which allow me to do a bit of gently exercise. And I spend 2 mins doing face yoga while I rub in my face cream at night.

I'm reading ultra-processed people. It's well referenced, and it might help you get rid of some of the shame you're carrying. I am finding it very interesting am starting to naturally transition to whole foods because I'm so angry at the food industry!

Maybe hypnotherapy could help you. This person is on here, I believe. https://www.outofchaostherapy.com/

I am in a similar position and really feel for you.

I think thinking in terms of self care is a great start.

If you have an emotional relationship with food, I would try and get some support with that, Overeaters Anonymous is free and can be really helpful (PM if you want links, they are online but can be a faff to find), BEAT (eating disorder charity) might also have some online groups. You can also talk to your GP and go on a list for counselling. IF you can afford it a specialist counselled would be worth it, but if not the free groups and general counsellor through the GP will really help.

Two books I think would be helpful are Sharoo Izardi’s The Last Diet and Ranjan Chatterjee’s Loose Weight Feel Great. Neither of them are diets but both address how to loose weight when you have a problematic emotional relationship with food. I’d also download the Clementine App, it’s really good for building a habit of positive self talk. If you can’t afford it they will give you a free membership if you drop them a line and explain your need for support.

Try and add in some gentle exercise - just walking for whatever minutes a day and build up. Exercise is only a small part of weight loss, but people who exercise have a much better chance of keeping weight off because it makes you feel mentally better and helps you build a good relationship with your body.

Finally while I think vision boards are good, please don’t use it to beat yourself up. As much as you can try and do the things you want to do now - buy clothes you like when you can - go swimming or out for a night when you want to. Living as you want to now will help change how you feel about yourself.

If you are worried about clothes and your holiday address that now. Swim shorts and a Tankini top might suit you better than a swimsuit, by some nice light clothes if you can, a big sun hat and sunglasses ad glam and help to balance things, do a fake tan and your nails before you go so you feel good about yourself. It’s worth seeing if there’s a plus size clothes swap near you. Finally remember that to have a beach body all you need is to have a body and take it to the beach - you have as much business being there as anyone else -like you, everyone is thinking about themselves, the only way anyone will really clock you is as the confident woman who is really having fun.

I don’t think it would make a difference if they did.

Most people know how to loose weight, the problem is an emotional one, and that is an individual journey for everyone. Much as I’d love a quick or simple solution, there isn’t one, you have to do the emotional work.

I lost 5.5 stone, the first 4.5 over the course of a year and the second once I changed my exercise type and macros. I’ve kept it off for over 2 years so far.

Start with working out what a 500 calorie deficit is for you. There are various TDEE calculators online which will give you a start. Find a type of exercise you enjoy. Walking is great as a first step. I did C25k as it was during lockdown and I needed to get out of the house! Track everything you eat/drink in mfp. It will seem time consuming and complicated at first but it gets easier. I still track but now I’m eating twice what I was (see weight training below!)

This is what I leaned;

• once you start seeing the scales move you will gain momentum and also start feeling better
• alcohol is a waste of calories and does you bo favours. Cutting it out completely apart from a few special occasions is best thing I’ve ever done
• Resistance training (weights) is incredibly effective. It builds muscle and will increase your TDEE, supporting you to stay in a calorie deficit and lose fat. I highly recommend getting into the gym and lifting weights 3-4 times per week. I didn’t lose the last stone until I did this, despite running 50+ miles per week. It might seem intimidating at first but it doesn’t have to be complicated. Most local gyms have gym staff who can put a program together for you. If you can afford it a PT is a wise investment but not necessary to see progress.
• If you fall off the wagon or have a break, don’t stress. Just get back onto it the following day.
• Weight loss isn’t linear. Don’t get discouraged of the scales don’t move or even go up a bit. This doesn’t mean you aren’t making progress.
• you have only failed if you give up. You will stumble along the way but the dividends far outweigh the negatives.

Goos luck!

I’m afraid I disagree. Most people think you have to slash your calories ridiculously low and do lots of cardio. A moderate calorie deficit and prioritising protein alongside resistance training is highly effective, but it’s not the strategy most commonly adopted.

I'm you five months down the line. I've lost almost 3 stone eating low carb. Still another 3 to go, but I've accepted it will take 12-18 months to get to where I want to be. It's hard but possible.

This is exactly how I felt after reading the book. I don't want to give them any of my money! We should all be getting angry.

I don’t know of any evidence most people slash their calories especially low. I think WW type things and calorie counting apps that suggest a reasonable deficit are much more common than Fast800 diets.

Although if that were the main issue it would be a lot easier to sort.

Personally I would cancel Team RH it should be in the cooling off period. You are paying them for absolutely nothing that isn’t available for free.
There will be threads about them on here if you look.

OP, you said you lost weight: well done! Focus on the achievement, not the size of job. Focus on an amount per week, not the total amount. I think 1lb a week is a perfect amount to sim for for adjusting to healthy eating.

See it as adjusting to healthier eating , to nurture yourself, rather than ‘a diet’.

And don’t beat yourself up if you go off course for a day or so, just carry on with your adjusted healthy eating regime.

Make some rules? Limit snacking to a couple of carefully planned healthy snacks. Cut out alcohol (if you drink) on 5 days a week. Eat modest portions.

@Feliciacat I thought your comment was very kind thoughtful so please don't worry that you might have upset me. It is good to understand the mechanics behind our behaviours. I think having an addiction to food is the worst, any other addiction you can just abstain and avoid the thing but with food you still have to eat every day, 3 times a day.

I saw a friend this weekend and she has given me lots of skin products to pamper myself a bit.

I've only been on this for 10 days but I've already lost 7lbs and I have noticed a definite improvement in my energy levels and a clarity in my brain so I am trying to focus on that.

@Morganchristie I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed too but thank you for your kind comment and understanding. It really helps to know I am not alone. Always happy to have a weight loss buddy. I am struggling to get my steps in- have you got any tips?

@notasillysausage so sorry you went through the same too. I have come to terms with the loss of my parent but unfortunately I think regardless of that it did a lot of invisible damage that i've only really recognised in the last few years. The abusive relationship has been very hard to move on from and has left the deepest scars. I have a very loving partner now who I have been with for a long time and his love has very much helped but the memories of my ex are very firmly etched in my brain. The damage has been done and now I am trying to unpick it all and learn to love myself which is not easy, but I am making baby steps. I hope this thread helps you too :) well done on the weight you have lost- that's a real achievement! Do you know what is stopping you from getting back on it?

@PlantDoctor I know what you mean about the food industry. Its disgusting what they put in our food- they know what it does to people and continue pumping it out.

@continentallentil thank you for the links to the books/websites. I will take a look. I am trying to hit 10000 steps a day but I am not very good at it. I have quite a hectic home life so finding time to do it isnt always possible. But I am trying to change my routine to factor time in the morning before everyone else wakes and then once the kids are in bed. We live in a nice area with lovely walks so I should really take advantage of it.
I think thats a good point. I avoid buying new clothes because I feel like they are wasted on me whilst I look like this and what if I do manage to lose weight-then they will go to waste (can you tell I over think everything!) but maybe I just need to have an fk it moment and make myself feel good and worth losing weight for. One of my issues around clothes is that I have very fat, white legs. Very unattractive in shape and people DO stare at them if I get them out so even on the hottest day you will find me in leggings to hide them. I feel like it restricts me with what I can wear massively. I am very self conscious of how unsightly they are.

I definitely know what I need to do in terms of weight loss and I can do it for a bit but its the long term motivation where I fall down. I fall off the wagon for some reason and getting back on feels impossible and then all the bad habits creep back in. I did have one bad day this week (I got angry and ate half a packed of oreos in one sitting- would have been a whole packet if the kids hadn't stolen them from me) so I logged it on MFP and actually it wasn't as bad as I thought so I got my head back in gear and ate food the rest of the day to compensate so that I still hit most of my targets.

@Dentistlakes thanks those are really helpful tips. I don't think I have the confidence to go to the gym yet but maybe when I lose a bit more I might venture in.
I have signed up to something that gives me protein/carb/fat/fibre targets which has been really helpful in giving me direction in what to eat and as I log each meal I can see how much more I need to consume to hit my target although I must admit, its been quite hard to eat 120g of protein every day. I don't like fish, only eat white meat.

@caffelattetogo thats amazing. well done! Thats an interesting perspective to put an actual time frame on it. I guess if I stick to it and succeed then this time next year I will thank myself for starting!

@HatchetJob I've found the team RH plan really good so far- I know Richie isn't for everyone but I think i need someone to tell me off a bit so I stick to it. I also wouldn't have the motivation to stick to it without paying- I know that sounds stupid but I am neurodivergent and my brain is a bit weird like that.

Hello @DaveTheOnion

Gosh, are you me? I can relate so much and especially to the weird shaped legs! I'm only 5ft 2in and very weebly/apple shaped with MASSIVE calves, they are like upside down triangles! My Dad had them too :-(.

I'm in (if you'll have me?). I'm starting tomorrow with a weigh-in as soon as I wake up. I like F800 for a kick start so will be fasting for a while, then I have a chicken and coleslaw salad for tea. I've got some natural yoghurt for a daytime snack and I will be drinking all the water!

I have a huge amount to lose. Probably around 9 stone. My BMI is probably north of 45 again. Frustratingly I was at least 2-3 stone lighter 6 months ago and going great guns on an amazing weight loss journey, I was starting to buy new clothes and everyone was noticing but I fell off the wagon and just couldn't get back on and I've just eaten everything I fancied in the last 6 months and the fatter I got and the more I wished I hadn't thrown out my size 20s and 22s, the more I ate.

I do well with LCHF or F800. I know how to lose the weight, I just love food! Like you, I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, have any vices except food! I use it to reward myself, cheer me up and its my friend when I'm sad. I'm also a binge eater and very ashamed of it.

Exercise wise, I get in 2 miles (don't have a smart watch) 3-4 days per week on the school run but do NOTHING else. I don't have the time or funds for gym or PT. I find aerobic exercise difficult at this weight as I get breathless and my joints hurt and I get tired quickly.

I am going to take a leaf from your book and introduce new habits gradually from tomorrow. Week one will be about water and taking my vitamins daily I think. Then I think I'll look at skincare next week.

I like healthy foods. I love salad and fruit and nuts and all sorts of legumes and healthy options but I also LOVE sugar. I've got a really sweet tooth so love meringues, tablet, cakes with icing, custard, ice cream, caramel etc etc. However they don't love me and I feel so much better - less sluggish and my brain is so much sharper and I'm much less exhausted - when I'm sugar free.

I'm starting a new job soon. I don't know the date yet as I'm going through checks, but here's hoping I can lose a stone or two before my start date.

Thanks for the thread @DavetheOnion. Please do let me know if you mind me joining in. You seem lovely and I need a friend (who isn't 9.5st trying to lose 3lbs!).

Stop thinking about the big scary long term goal. Altogether. 100% Forever. You never have to worry about it again. All that is over. You are free.

Now, you can simply focus on your next decision. The more times it's a wise one, the sooner your body will be how you want it. Sometimes you will make wise decisions, sometimes you won't, but for your next decision, be wise. That's all you ever have to concern yourself with. Not the end goal. Not the trauma. Not the past. Just your next decision.

Have you looked at Saxenda at all? My sister was a similar weight to you and had a really good experience with it, it didn't just affect her appetite (which I really think is just a short time fix) but changed her cravings- she stopped feeling the need to have extras that she didn't need.

Obviously speak to a doctor about it, but you can get it through boots and their licensed Drs

@DaveTheOnion you can do it!! It's absolutely possible - I was over 20 stone Feb 2022 and now am under 13 stone.
Calorie counting and weight training with increasing my steps. I've tried all the diets before and failed attempts at privately funded weight loss surgery.
Maybe have smaller targets? So get to 5lbs then 10? Also try not to make it all about scale weight (easier said than done) your weight can fluctuate so much in a day.
I just need to try and keep it off now and stop reaching for the biscuits.
Team RH - he can be brutal but he talks absolute sense!
Good luck x