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Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

Bullying

My 4 yo has been headbutted - help!

30 replies

bella29 · 26/11/2008 18:07

My 4 yo dd has been headbutted by a child 4 years older at school today - headbutted with such force the back of her head slammed into a brick wall. She's okay (I hope) but we have had all sorts of issues with playground violence towards our dc over the past 3 years and, despite raising our concerns with the school, it clearly isn't getting better. We have reported it to the police (on the police's recommendation) but where do we go/what can we expect from here, please.

Many thanks.

OP posts:

Report

BoffinMum · 30/11/2008 21:56

You are not a bad mother, because you are taking action now when it really matters. A lot happens at school and we shouldn't step in every five minutes and wrap our children in cotton wool!

bella29 · 30/11/2008 20:58

Thanks, Boffinmum. Have got the letter all ready to go now.

Both dc very happy at the moment, especially ds for whom this has been going on for a long time.

Feel like a bad mother for not having taken serious action sooner

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BoffinMum · 30/11/2008 18:11

I come across many heads who are bullies. It's the truth that dare not speak its name about UK schooling.
Keep standing up to her!

CarGirl · 29/11/2008 15:52

That really is a shockingly bad attitude from the head! I hope the new head is a vast improvement.

If the head says to you again "well your ds hits" I would ask her "and what sanction was given to him to enforce the fact that violence is not acceptable?"

If my dc were being violent I hope the school would impliment some sort of consequence!

bella29 · 29/11/2008 15:42

Thanks for the advice, ladies.

I am putting my letter together now. Have come to the conclusion that the head is herself a bully - I'm fairly seasoned in tough meetings but Friday's was still quite intimidating and I am certain that some one with less experience would have folded on the spot. Still cried all the way home anyway

At least dd is okay and both dc are very happy to be off school. As dh says, knowing you can go out to play without having your head bashed in must be a big relief to them.

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BoffinMum · 28/11/2008 22:51

Sounds like you are doing the right things.
8 yr old doing this should have temporary exclusion and there needs to be a thorough investigation.

If dd is in and out of A and E because of playground incidents, you also have the option of contacting a personal injury lawyer, contacting OFSTED and contacting the GTC about the Head's failure to sort things out.

ladymariner · 28/11/2008 22:38

This is awful, I'm really shocked at the attitude of the head. Have you written down everything that was said in the meeting. if not then I would advise you to so that you have it to hand.
Then I would kick off big time! Letters to the chair of governors and the LEA to begin with, so they have a written account of your (very justified) complaint.

bella29 · 28/11/2008 21:50

Sorry, long day - we didn't ask the school to admit they'd failed, merely to reassure us that steps would be taken to prevent this happening again. The answer was no.

Oh, and Matnan - apparently dd pushed the boy. So that must make it okay for him to headbutt her, I guess.

And I was also told my ds has previously hit other children. Not entirely sure of the relevance of that to today's meeting

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bella29 · 28/11/2008 21:43

Hello ladymariner

Well, the meeting was as much of a non-starter as I feared. The head refused to give me any assurance that playground supervision would be improved so I informed her my dc would be staying at home until the new head took over. Whereupon she reported us to Social Services (as my ds is over 5).

We told Social Services what has really happened so they were very understanding and were going to go back to the school with a few questions...

The LEA is also involved and really we are just hoping for a speedy resolution now. The head has advised us to look at other schools

It's such a waste of everyone's time - if the head had only told me today she would improve the situation then it would all have been over, but she refuses to admit the school has failed in any way.

OP posts:

ladymariner · 28/11/2008 19:02

Hi bella, how is your dd today? And how did the meeting with the head go?
Thinking of you
xx

MatNanPlus · 28/11/2008 18:53

at it being ok for a 8yo to attack a 4yo.

And how did a 4yo annoy a 8yo?

bella29 · 27/11/2008 19:09

There was a governor present - she's also one of the head's best friends

I am keeping both children off school until New Year as the head is leaving at Christmas and I have no confidence that the school can protect my children.

I am seeing the head tomorrow...

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thisisyesterday · 27/11/2008 19:06

bella that's awful! I can't believe that they think this is ok???

I would take it higher. don 't have children in school yet so I don't know who. governers? ofsted?

bella29 · 27/11/2008 19:03

Hello MatNan

She's okay, thanks. We spoke to the school but they don't really seem to think there's much of a problem with what this boy did, and even pointed out that my dd had annoyed him earlier in the day As far as I know, no action has been taken against him.

The police called me and are going to visit the school to discuss their playground supervision.

It is all like a really bad dream...

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MatNanPlus · 27/11/2008 18:56

Bella how is your DD and how was today?

bella29 · 26/11/2008 21:37

Thank you. I will be documenting it all, and wish I had documented everything up until now but I thought I was just being over-protective

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southeastastra · 26/11/2008 21:34

you could let ofsted know, write it all down

they really need two separate playing areas at that age though. hope she's ok

bella29 · 26/11/2008 21:32

I'll be at home looking after my dd.

Not really overly concerned with putting the head's nose out of joint at this stage.

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southeastastra · 26/11/2008 21:30

you must see her straight away tomorrow, if you've reported it to the police i imagine she'd appreciate hearing from you before them

bella29 · 26/11/2008 21:18

Thanks, Hester, I know. It's so lousy, especialy for such a little child

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bella29 · 26/11/2008 21:17

We have spoken to her on previous occasions when my ds has been hurt (he was headbutted by a different child when he was 4 too!) and raised the issue of playground supervision. We didn't speak to her today as we didn't find out until tea time what had really happened - as I said, the school just gave us a note saying she had 'bumped' her head.

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hester · 26/11/2008 21:16

Oh bella.... your poor little girl.

southeastastra · 26/11/2008 21:15

have you spoken to the headteacher at all?

bella29 · 26/11/2008 21:10

Dd doesn't seem too upset but has just asked (while I was putting her in bed) if I can go to school with her tomorrow to make sure he doesn't hurt her again

Neither of our dc are going to school tomorrow.

I am just about to dig out the school's policy

OP posts:

hester · 26/11/2008 20:52

God, how awful. You are absolutely right to want action on this. What does the school's bullying policy say it will do in these circumstances?

Is dd ok? I mean, not too upset?

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