How to deal with situation where the bully is also the only friend

[BurnTheBlackSuit]

My daughter is being bullied at school. It has been going on for years and is always by the same girl. It has been physical in the past, but that was dealt with by the school. The current bullying involves either ignoring and getting everyone else to ignore her, or playing "games" that involve her always being the baddie or always being it when they play tag etc.

What can my daughter/the school do about it? She is only friends with the bully and a couple of others who do what the bully says, so "find other friends to play with" doesn't work, because if she's not with them then she is on her own. "Stand up for yourself" doesn't work either because if she says she doesn't want to be the baddie, she is excluded from the group. And there is very little she could say the teacher when this happens because it is subtle.

[user1477282676]

How old is she OP?

[BurnTheBlackSuit]

She's 9 now, year 5.

[user1477282676]

This needs stamping on and fast. Have you been in and discussed the situation with her teacher?

[BurnTheBlackSuit]

Not yet, I have an appointment tomorrow though. Any ideas what I can ask the school to do?

[ChampsMum]

Sorry to hear what is been happening to your daughter, in this case I would approach bullies parents, they need to know what their daughter is doing.

[BurnTheBlackSuit]

The parents do know, but don't see it. They thinks it's just play. That's what children are like. And children need to sort out their problems themselves. All very dismissive.

[Nonreplicable]

You need to ask the teacher to work with the whole class. Circle time or whatever the call it - they need to role play situations similar to the ones you are describing and get the children to discuss the issues. This should give your daughter and other children the confidence to deal with it.

[evilpopstar]

Poor you and DD. This happened to us in year 4. School were crap marked it down as friendship issues. Look at their anti bullying charter / policy before you go in and ask that they follow it. Ask teacher to pair your DD up with other kids in class for group/ pair work. Invite a nice kid for tea. Is she friends with any boys? Remember that dynamics change too. My DD isn't the happiest at school now but she isn't being bullied anymore either. She just got thicker skinned and learned to look the bully in the eye - and is now usefully also a foot taller than her in year 6. But I wish I had forced the school to do more at the time. Don't approach the parents tho IMO. Let school deal with it , log all conversations and be persistent. Good luck.

[BurnTheBlackSuit]

Thanks all