My child is bulling her classmate

[PegEgg]

In a bit of a tricky situation here and it's quite difficult to work out exactly what is going on.

DD(turns 5 at Christmas) has just started Reception. She is bright. Funny. Sensitive and usually kind.

She struggled to settle at first. Was very upset at drop off but now seems fine. She has lots of friends but is very keen on one girl in particular, I will call her E.

My brothers friend's daughter, A has also just started in Reception. She is one of the youngest in the class and has just had a baby brother.

My DD has mentioned on several occasions that A has hurt her, pushed her or been mean to her. It's quite embarrassed at pick up time as she tries to loudly complain about her to me in front of A's mum.

During gently questioning at home I began to suspect that although A might have been a bit boisterous with my DD her and E had retaliated by being very unkind to her. As its two against one and my DD and E are that bit older I can see how unpleasant it would be for A. I have been wondering what to do about it.

Got a phone call from my mum last nigh as she had been talking to my brother. A's family are very upset as they believe A is being bullied at school. Apparently they talked to the teacher but she wasn't very helpful. My mum wanted to know if I knew anything about it. Turns out someone has drawn all over A' s uniform and her mum had to buy a new one! Just questioned DD and it turns out it was her!!

Not sure how to handle this. I know a little bickering is normal but I feel awful for A and I don't want DD to turn into a bully. I am, as I always have, trying to talk to her about kindness and being nice to people etc. Talking to her about how sad she felt at achool at first and how A now feels like that......


Feel a bit useless

Should I approach A's mum?

Sorry this is long and garbled!

[Yakitori]

Have a word with the teacher. You must have your daughter's back- don't apologise to the parents as it seems unclear that your daughter was at fault.

[PegEgg]

From questioning DD it was a school jumper and she doodled on the shoulder in purple pen.

I have just taken some pocket money out of her money box (a small token amount) and told her it will go towards replacing the jumper. She is now crying I her room.

Not a great start to the holidays!

[Yakitori]

I would emphasise that you are very pleased with her honesty and that she told you the truth. Drawing on a jumper is not right but also she shouldn't have to put up with being hurt by another child. Talk to the teacher about it when they go back to school. Do lots of love bombing this holiday and have a lovely time with your daughter.

[PegEgg]

Thank you. Yes I am very pleased she told me and I don't want to shut that down. I want her to be able to come to me.

Will take on board all that has been said.

[LynetteScavo]

This isn't bullying - this is very small children who have just started school learning to get along together.

No, she shouldn't have drawn on the jumper, but kids do so silly things without thinking. Most kids pens are washable, then schools give them whiteboard pens to write with, and all of a sudden they are in huge trouble for using them where they shouldn't.

(There's no point in the other parent buying new uniform, it'll only get marked again, probably by herself!)

I'm not surprised the teacher didn't seem very helpful. There isn't really an issue here.

Are you going to take the money and actually buy a new jumper for the girl, OP? I think you actually need to buy a jumper or your DD might just think you are taking money and not make the connection.

[PegEgg]

I don't know to be honest!

[Astro55]

Your DD needs to apologize to A - and contribute to the jumper

A parents will want to know that you are aware and dealing with things at home -

My DD was horribly bullied and the girls parents refused to acknowledge the problem or deal with it -

Another boy started on her - and a quick email to his parents and they dealt with it - much more effective than teachers -

You need this moms input on future issues so she can approach you - it's in your DD best interest to know you speak to A's parents and any behavior will be reported

Most 5 year olds won't approach a teacher -