HELP day 5, given formla cos i can't face the pain, dh upset, i'm upset (LONG)

[craftynclothy]

dd2 born on sat.

wouldn't latch on initially...i have large flat nipples and she's definitely struggled with them (she was only 6lb 5oz and it just all seems so big for her).

started by drip feeding every feed and trying to latch. plenty of colostrum/milk.

dd started to latch on after drip feeding on day 3. Had a huge feed that afternoon, then slept 5 hours. hadn't hads a wet nappy for 24 hrs so called (independent) mw who came out. typically dd latched while she was coming out & started making wet nappies afterwards.

while mw was here she checked my latch and said it was good. I was finding nipples a bit sore afterwards but she said it was all fine, just me getting used to it.

Had mw visit next morning, dd2 had latched on at every feed through night (every 2 hours) without drip feeding. mw (different one) checked latch cos i said it was uncomfortable and said it's fine. also said that it's me getting used to it and will pass. also told me to get lansinoh which we did

each feed has got more and more painful. I don't feel like the latch is right tbh - i feel she only really get5s my nipple in.

ended up begging dh just to take her away from last night . he rang mw who told me to massage the breast, express a small amount so dd got the taste and would latch on quickly.

did that feed (through the pain). tried to sleep afterwards but couldn't for worrying about next feed.

did next feed crying and screaming with the pain. spent the rest of the morning crying, told dh to go get formula. even now (about 6 hours after last feed) i can hardly bear to touch my breasts.

dd has now had 2 formula feeds. dh is upset cos it's not as good as breastmilk (though he doesn't want me to be in the pain i was in last night either). i'm upset and don't know what to do.

all i know is i can't face latching her on again. one nipple has bruise across it.

can anyone help/advise?

(thanks if you've got this far)

[Jennylee]

Hope you enjoy your new baby and the pain stops soon, it will stop hurting soon

[craftynclothy]

Sorry, have had relatives visiting and stuff.

Well dd is now on formula.

It's almost a week since I stopped bf and my nipples are still sore.

With dd1 (formula fed from 2 days old cos of being given pethidine at the wrong time during labour) I sat in tears for weeks when feeding her cos I was in pain (flipped my coccyx out of place during the birth) and it really affected my bonding with her. Tbh I think that's as much an issue as the pain...I don't want to cry through feeds this time.

I've tried most of the suggestions on this thread (and from a bf counsellor and my 2 indie midwives who are v pro-bf) and none of it has helped with the pain.

[trixie123]

hi
have been reading MN all through pregnancy but this is first post now my 2 week DS is here. Have been mix and matching formula and breast since day one due to him having low blood sugar at birth and BF took a little while to settle in. not screaming in pain now but was until about 3 days ago. DS seems to have no problem switching between the two. DO NOT feel guilty about stopping if it really hurts but one trick the MW told me was to tilt the nipple up a bit toward roof of DS's mouth and that really helped. good luck!

[tiktok]

Where has OP gone???

[mathanxiety]

With my first baby I thought she was rubbing sandpaper over my nipples, which were really raw by the end of the first week. She wasn't latching on right, it turned out. I ended up whimpering with pain at every feeding. A nurse showed me how to make my hand into a letter C shape with thumb on top and fingers forming the bottom of the letter, then grasp my boob until it was practically flat and horizontal, then try feeding with the fingers underneath the boob for support if needed. I couldn't believe the difference it made. I could put my nipple in far up the areola, and this helped produce more milk too.
After feedings I didn't cover up my boobs, just let them airdry, and this, I think, sort of toughened them up -- again advised by the nurse. Nipple shields would work too.
If your nipples are large and flat, are you sure they are not inverted? You will have to massage them if inverted to draw them out and use the shields too. But do get the possibility of thrush investigated.

[TamTam29]

Dont feel guilty!

Yours is sadly a common story. Out of my antenatal group, all 6 of us attempted BF, only 2 of us lasted beyond the first 2 weeks.

With DS1 i was in agony for at least the 1st 3 weeks maybe more, i used to have to bite into a muslin for the first 5 mins or so & then the pain slowly went.

I have painful let down, which didntt help as often it was the latch causing the pain & not the let down, so by the time I realised -the damage was already done! I also had bruised nipples and one even bled for a bit! Iused nipple sheilds a couple of times and also expressed one day to give my poor nips a rest.

I think it took me & DS1 about 6 weeks to BF smoothly & painfree.

I also ended up mix-feeding as I found the whole sole-responsibilty for DS1's nutrition difficult and took it far too much to heart if DS1 didnt put on enough weight or didnt have enough dirty/wet nappies.

This time round, with ds2 it hurt for the first 10 days (again muslin biting) & now things are fine.(although if i am late for a feed or with some of the night feeds, let down is still painful)It has also helped that DS2 is not as "sucky" as DS1. (ds2 is 9wks)and I am exclusively BF.

do whatever is best for you and dont beat yourself up everytime you give DC formula,

kellymom is a good website often recomended on here

wishing you all the very best

[Jennylee]

sometimes nipple shields help, they helped me to keep breastfeeding. so sometimes they can help, I too would have stopped at the start with my dd1 in the first few weeks, the shields took the pain down from a 10 to about a 4. I only used them for a day though.

A bruise sounds horrendous, you have my sympathy. breastfeeding can be really sore for SOME people at the beginning. It can be a bit of a shock. I hope you can get help, I hoep you dh does not go on too much it you can't get past the pain, it is a really bad pain. But it is great that he is so supportive of breastfeeding. hope it works out for you, I was in tears thinking I would have to stop with dd1 really crying and dreading feeds, but once my latch was sorted it got easier and am still doing it a year later.

[flamingtoaster]

craftynclothy - I know how you feel. I know what worked for me goes against what a lot of people on mumsnet (quite rightly) say but it might help to know how I survived and continued to bf! I bf both by DS and my DD. With my DS I quickly developed cracked nipples (despite being in hospital for a week with supervision of latch, etc. having had a cs). They suggested nipple shields which I then used for a couple of weeks to get me over the painful/healing stage. I also used a couple of top-up bottles a day. However, after a few weeks I healed completely, the pain stopped and I was able to phase out the top-ups. Throughout that process I had no help whatsoever - I just used my instinct about what was right for me and my baby and I really enjoyed bf feeding for five wonderful months. I realize I was extremely lucky that my supply survived the nipple shields and the top ups - but if I hadn't used them I couldn't have tried to continue to bf at all. With my daughter I had to give up after three and a half weeks - she was consistently making me bleed and the pain was unbelievable - some years later we found out she was tongue-tied. There was no Mumsnet then so I was less well informed!

Good luck and congratulations on the birth of your DD.

[tiktok]

OK, I get you, jimbobsmummy. The phrases you used really don't sound like the sort of things we say...I think you have come across a maverick or two

[cupofteaplease]

Sounds like you are having a rough time. Don't feel guilty about your baby having formula

[jimbobsmummy]

Sorry if my pot wasn't clear, tiktok. The hospital person wasn't NCT I don't think, she worked for the hospital. She was really only giving basic 'getting started advice' and I didn't know enough then to query what she said.

The others were all NCT people, (one of them does also work at the hospital but it wasn't her I saw there).

[JoesMummy09]

craftynclothy don't dispair.

I had trouble feeding too. Took a while to get the hand of it but once we did we were well away (though kept up an evening bottle for DH to deliver as gives me a break and some time together).

Have you tried expressing? You can give expressed breast milk from a bottle (electric breast pump saved my life). I also worried that because DS had had formula and "breast is best" something bad would happen. Yes, there is some evidence about allergies and formula, but he has had it now and a bit more won't make things any worse. What will be worse is if you give up breastfeeding because it's awful when you want to do want to breastfeed.

Has anyone had a look at your boobs to see if there's an infection, like mastitius? (I'm no expert but just thinking aloud).

We did nipple shields too in the early days and they were great. Now we don't need them.

HTH

[tiktok]

Are you sure you saw an NCT bfc at less than 24 hrs, jimbobsmummy???

NCT breastfeeding counsellors (we dont call ourselves advisers) don't usually see babies as young as this, or in hospital. We do, sometimes, but this is unusual....there is a small handful of NCT bfcs who visit hospitals, and if you saw someone who talked to you like this, then they have not been helpful, and I'm sorry.

OTOH, it has been known for people to say they are 'NCT trained' and they are not actually a bfc, or they have been to a workshop or something.

[ClaraDeLaNoche]

I am sorry you are having such a tough time. It is an emotional time anyway without this to deal with. I was never a great BFer and gave up after 4 weeks with both DC. I had so much conflicting advice and I was very confused. Hitting the bottle is not the end of the world, although it may feel like it.

[jimbobsmummy]

What is your job, starlight?

[jimbobsmummy]

They were mostly NCT advisors, ufortunately tiktok. The hospital advisor wasn't, but DS was only 24 hrs old at that stage and we didn't know then that things wouldn't improve.

[joyjac]

Nipple shields might provide temporary relief and get you over this hump OP, but if you have large nipples be careful they are not going to get 'pinched' in the shield.
Has your baby been assessed for tongue-tie? It can be the cause of severe nipple pain/trauma. Do try to express, both to keep your supply up and to give to the baby. It will keep your options open and may give you the break you need to heal.
I would definitely encourage you to get an RL expert,.NCT, LLL or whoever is in your locality. Not all midwives are BF experts.

[trixymalixy]

Hi crafty,

Fellow august ante natal threader having problems too.

DD is 3 days old and I have terrible cracked nipples and finding feeding painful. You'd think having BF DS for 2 years it would be easier this time round!!!

I had horrible cracked nipples with Ds as well and ended up using nipple shields to get through the pain. It was toe-curlingly painful latching on, but nipple shields definitely helped me persevere.

A bruise means the latch is not right though, so it might be an idea to get a counsellor out. Do you have the Bounty pack? i was looking throught the booklet in there and there's some good pictures showing how to latch on.

[tiktok]

Can't tell you what area, jimbobs - 'tis a secret ;)

It is in the UK, though.

None of those conversations were with NCT bfcs, I sincerely hope

Shields can cause problems, though....the benefits have to outweigh the risks.