breastfed my son for 2years 3mths- stopping....so sad...sore boobs

[jkb]

hi

Can anyone give me any support/advice... I have breastfed my son for the last 2 years 3mths.... it has got him through some terrible times...he has been a poorly child & without the boobie...god knows what would have happened.. I have loved evey minute of it!
Lately.. i have tried saying to him that we could have a cuddle rather than feed (as soon as i would like to try for another child)... it worked every now & then..but most of the time he would scream & scream so i gave it to him.. however.. last night..it hit me.. its been 2 days since he has fed...he asks..but seems happy to accept a cuddle instead now...oh my god.. I did cry!! it suddenly hit me.. that that was it, no more feeding him.. Is this normal!!?? surely I should be happy that he has had it for this long & now its the right time... I then started to feel guilty that maybe he isent ready... but i dont think he would have been happy for a cuddle instead if he wasent??
what a mixture of feelings i have... i feel silly feeling like this.. none of my family understand.. they just say.. you have fed him for so long.. just be happy. I feel upset too that the last feed i gave him.. I didnt actually know it was the LAST feed.. probaly for the best though...as would have probaly cried whole way through!
Im cryng now writing this message & wish I didnt feed like this... I do hope I feel better soon.. my boobs are full too & sore!

xxxxxxx

[spottyzebra]

hi jkb hope your doing ok

[Tangas]

Well done for bf for so long jkb. And I do understand what you mean by feeling upset, low, depressed. I too felt sad when I gave it up. Its such a nice bond we experiance, the closeness!! I only wish I did it for longer, stoped at 3months with DS. But to be honest- If you dont give it up now then you'll only find it harder and harderlater on down the line. Even now I still want to feel that closeness. Don't listen to your mum. it will only make you worry more thru ur nxt pregnancy like you said. ask your health visitor nxt time you see her, see how likley it is. I think it highly unlikley.

[PuppyDogTails]

Really feeling for you jkb - I'm trying to stop with my 8mo DS and my emotions are all over the place, must be much worse for you after over 2 years. DS doesn't seem bothered about taking a bottle instead, which makes me more convinced that now is the time for me to stop because it will be more difficult at a time where he is strongly attached. I'm thinking of dropping to just a bedtime feed to make it a bit easier.

Hope you're feeling better today.

xx

[spottyzebra]

hi sounds like its more to do with your mums own issues tbh

your sisters prob just dont ubderstand how you feel.did they bf and ifso for how long?

im sure you will find it easy to bf another child

how are you feeling today ?

do you really feel ready to stop ?

[jkb]

Thank U so much to all of u .... to be honest, you have all been far better than my family (hubby is great though too).... just got off the phone to my mum... she asks.."has he had any boob?" i say no.. none since last thursday...& im feeling really down about it.. finding it hard to let go... she says "oh my god... no more boob... its all over... oh my god... well... you do realise you prob wont be able to feed if you have another one..you prob wont have any milk... that happened to me"

I mean.. what a XXXXXXXX insensitive thing to say!! stupid women.. shes really made me mad.. so not only is she going on & on that its all over ..she is trying to make me worry that i will NEVER feed a child again as i probably wont have any milk for the next one!!

My sisters.... everytime I say im finding it hard to come to terms with stopping feeding... i just get "hummmm.. well you did it for long enough...shound be proud..had to stop some time" & then a uick subject change!??!

Be honest with me... please be very honest.. what are the chances of me not being able to feed if i have another?? it would kill me? has it happened to any of u ?? GOD im going to worry about that all thru my preg next time.. why is my mum such a witch!?

sorry for the rant xxxxxxx

[jkb]

slink.. dont listen to them.. i had many bad days.. many good... but at least i never gave up when THEY told me to... then i really wouldnt have been able to cope.. do it when u r ready hunny.. not before... xx

[Slink]

jkb well done my dd is one and i am still feeding i have good days and bad but your right my family (dh is fab) want me to stop. xx

[jkb]

Thank U so much to all of u .... to be honest, you have all been far better than my family (hubby is great though too).... just got off the phone to my mum... she asks.."has he had any boob?" i say no.. none since last thursday...& im feeling really down about it.. finding it hard to let go... she says "oh my god... no more boob... its all over... oh my god... well... you do realise you prob wont be able to feed if you have another one..you prob wont have any milk... that happened to me"

I mean.. what a XXXXXXXX insensitive thing to say!! stupid women.. shes really made me mad.. so not only is she going on & on that its all over ..she is trying to make me worry that i will NEVER feed a child again as i probably wont have any milk for the next one!!

My sisters.... everytime I say im finding it hard to come to terms with stopping feeding... i just get "hummmm.. well you did it for long enough...shound be proud..had to stop some time" & then a uick subject change!??!

Be honest with me... please be very honest.. what are the chances of me not being able to feed if i have another?? it would kill me? has it happened to any of u ?? GOD im going to worry about that all thru my preg next time.. why is my mum such a witch!?

sorry for the rant xxxxxxx

[MaziJ]

I stopped bfeeding just before Xmas although my little one is only 8 months. I felt incredibly sad about, thought it was the right thing to do but wish I'd carried on longer. However now my hormones have settled down (just finished my period) I'm much, much better and feel ok about it. You've done amazing to carry on for so long. Think it's perfectly normal to feel really up and down and LLL were a fantastic support too. I'd agree with last post think it's something you'll feel whenever you stop. Best of luck

[specialmagiclady]

I think you feel guilty and sad when you stop, whether it's after 3 days or 3 years. Is there any reason you have to stop cold turkey? Couldn't you just bring it slowly to a halt at his pace?

[spottyzebra]

i think id do one last feed in this situation, you can enjoy it so can he, get some photos thn say just cuddles now

[jkb]

son asked for boob boob at both naps today !! whats going on ?? i didnt give in.. but he hadent mentioned it for last 3 days & now hes going on again... shall I keep to me saying no... just cuddle (which is still working...but upsetting me that he is asking me again).... why am i feeling guilty!!
I cannot beleive that im feeling as low about this as i am... i must have somthing wrong with me.. ive got to let go.. how am i going to cope with him starting school etc..!!

[Honneybunny]

LLL are lovely, and were a great support to me when (self)weaning ds1. he was of similar age as your ds (ds1 was 28 months old), and i remember very well those strong emotions when he finally stopped: i also had trouble remembering his last feed, and certainly didn't think whilst feeding him for the last time that that was it...

the single thing that made it easier for me was the fact that at the time i was also feeding ds2 (i tandemfed both of them for 4 months, which was a lovely experience). (also BTW, although it sounds like your ds is ready to self-wean, i hope you know that wanting to conceive again doesn't need to be a reason to stop feeding your firstborn...)

anyway, because i was also feeding ds2, i didn't need to cope with full aching breasts. also, it was sort of a relief for me to know that there would still be milk, incase ds1 would get sick, and would need the comfort of a feed.... i thougth like ou, taht there would be no other way, or no better way to comfort him than a feed... but there is: as tiredandgrumpy already said, cuddles from mummy will provide them with comfort as well, and this is what my ds1 woudl do, take the position to have a feed, but then have a big hug in stead.

now, almost 2 years later, reading your post made me realise how much i should treasure the fact that ds2 (2y1mo) is still feeding! and how close i could be to him self-weaning. i was close to tears, and cuddled ds2 a little bit extra this evening after his nightime feed.

it will get easier, i am sure, just be prepared for those nasty hormones to wreck havock for a little while ...
but be proud of yourself: you have given your child the best start in life!

[charliegal]

Oh what a lovely post, it made me cry. Congratulations on feeding your son for so long without any support. Would echo F+Z and say talk to someone from La Leche League about your feelings.

[jkb]

im tempted to have one last feed.. just to remember it..treasure it... to take a pic.. just for memories.... but i wont.. cos i think that woul dbe very selfish.. it may confuse him??xx

[jkb]

thank u for all your kind words xxxxxxxx

tiredandgrumpy.... up untill about 3 weeks ago.... there was NO WAY i could have stopped feeding... some nights he was feeding 4 times in the night & if I tried to say no he went into meltdown.. i guess he is just ready now... to have just accepted it.. so much can change in such a short time....
i know it sounds silly... but i wish id taken a pic of us feeding just before I gave up??? somthing for me to treasure... feel extreemly gutted about that

[EdieMcredie]

Your son is so so lucky. You have done a wonderful beautiful thing for him for so long.

You should give yourself a huge treat. I feel that your family have not supported you. Well done xxxxxxx

[tiredandgrumpy]

Cuddles from Mum will still do the trick when he's ill. It's good to hear your story as am now bf my dd for longer than I'd expected to manage (currently 21 mths). I'm ready to give up & she's done a couple of odd nights without needing me, but whenever I try to stop bf she won't have it. Reassuring to me to hear that a child can behave like mine, but will eventually choose to stop.

[choolie]

congratulations! you've done a fantastic job feeding for so long. You will cope with it coming to an end by knowing you've given your son the best start in life and every time you feel sad, just think forward to the fact that you're moving on to a new stage with your son, and another 2 or 3 yrs of feeding DC2 .

[3missys]

Hope you start to feel better soon.

[jkb]

i do feel unsure though that i can cope with giving up... for example.. next time hes ill.. there will be the guilt that my breast isent there to calm him & feed him when hes not eating...by feeding him.. i suppose i felt i was helping him.. im starting to wonder have i given up too early?? shoul i have done it for longer?? are there more health benefits for him that im depriving him of??

[WinkyWinkola]

You're not a weirdo for feeding your DS for so long. Your folks are the weirdos for thinking it's strange to want to give your child the absolute best nutritional and emotional start in life.

Since when did doing the most natural thing in the world become weird?

[hunkermunker]

Have you seen How Weaning Happens by LLL? It's a lovely book, funny, poignant, sad - very good.

It's totally normal to feel like this - you've done a brilliant thing for your son and I hope once the immediate raw ache's gone, you can take great happiness from this.

[jkb]

when he went down for his nap earlier, he asked for it once.. but then was happy with a cuddle... just put him to bed.. he didnt even ask for it!! im gutted! i do hope I start to feel more positive about this soon... my family are rubbish.. thought i was a weirdo feeding for as long as i did anyway.. they dont understand how this has made me feel... so sad xxx

[belgo]

well done for bfing your son this long, and through all the hard times as well.

It is normal to feel sad. It's a huge change emotionally, and your hormoneswill be all over the place. I flet tearful for two weeks or so after stopping bfing - I was far more upset then dd2!

But once my hormones had settled down, I felt very happy I had stopped and a snese that one era had ended, and another begun.

Every now and again I feel a pang of regret, and wish I had carried on for longer, but I only feel that occasionally.