Dealing with feeding related guilt?

[HalliesMam]

I have a six week old baby who, so far, has been exclusively breastfed. I so wanted to keep it that way, but I just feel like I'm losing my mind. I've had mastitis, thrush, cracked nipples and I've powered on through it all. I've done every feed day and night despite them only being an hour and a half apart. I started pumping to try and give myself a break but finding the time when I'm feeding so frequently is proving hard. I've really tried to keep on going but it's just one battle after another. I spoke to my consultant today about how I feel and they suggested combination feeding, so I popped into Tesco and picked up some aptamil and I just can't bring myself to do it.

DH said to go to bed, catch up on sleep and he'll whip up a bottle and I went to bed for all of 5 minutes before running down and stopping him. I look at my baby and how healthy they look and I just feel so proud that it's all me that's done that and I can't bare it. I know formula isn't poison, and I don't judge anyone for formula feeding, I really want to relieve some pressure on myself for the sake of my mental health. Why do I feel like this? I just can't go through with it but I honestly feel ill be so much more relaxed if I do.

[lorisparkle]

You have given your baby the best start - those early feeds are amazing so I would focus on what you have done and now move on to what is best for everyone. You could look at mixed feeding if that works for you and give yourself a break. Breastfeeding is hard work (although I did find it got easier after about the 6 week mark) and your health and well being is really important not only to you but to the baby as well. Your dh sounds fab so I would give it a go!

[Mummoomoocow]

I think you’d benefit from more breastfeeding support considering your reluctance

[itseasybeingcheesy]

Breastfeeding clearly means a lot to you, and it's completely up to you what you do next, there's no "wrong" choice.

Why don't you talk to an IBCLC about how you're feeling and get their input on optimising feeding? Sounds like you've been giving your baby the absolute best you can, I really hope you can reach a place where you feel happy with your journey and if it's right for you, to keep going.

[MustardScreams]

I was very much like this when dd was a newborn, to my own detriment. I suffered with very severe PND and the pressure I put on myself to EBF definitely had part to do with that.

If I could go back now I’d give her a bottle every now and then so I could sleep!

I will say by 12 weeks feeding dd was an absolute breeze, and I’m so so glad I stuck it out. But the first few weeks would have been easier if I hadn’t been so crazy about formula!

Agree with pp, can you get in touch with a IBCLC to talk to about feeding etc? It will help ease your mind a bit I think.