breastfeeding getting me down

[Vmama]

i have a nearly 6 wk DS who i have been bf. its never been easy -problems latching on thru to bleeding cracked nipples and for a while i cried at most feeds and dreaded the next. recently -last couple of wks things have improved and i felt proud to have stuck with it despite lots of people telling me to give up. last night i visited a friend with a 4 day old ds and saw her bf with no problems/pain etc it was so different to my own experience and while pleased for her made me feel low about my own bfeeding.

then when i got home we had a bad feed -lots of thrashing about tugging at breast and pain when latching on. the tears came again and wouldnt stop -especially when dh who has been amazing throughout said -do you need the pillow still? and saying that my friend was doing it without and maybe that would help. i kno he meant well but just compounded my feelings of failure.

i ended up going to bed crying and still feel really low. do you think some women and their babes just aren't meant to bf?

please dont suggest a lac cons ive seen one twice and there was nothing she could suggest to improve things.

[Vmama]

thanks you two -I am pleased as it was all such a struggle but am hating the thought of giving up now -weird! Also don't know how it will go when he's all on bottle tho sspect it will be fine

[moondog]

If you're happy then that's all that matters.
Four months is a brilliant amount of time to have breastfed for.

[EffiePerine]

Well done for getting to 4 months - you've given your DS a fantastic start . Am sure he will be fine. Good luck on going back to work!

[Vmama]

is it weird that I feel guilty for giving him formula now? I would have done 6 months if I wasnt going back to work but for various reasons I needed to stop before that. It's going ok so far giving him cartons of aptamil and dropped the second feed today but I feel quite sad about it and in a selfish way quite upset at the idea of other people giving him bottles -stupid I know!

[Vmama]

hello again everyone

DS is now 4 months old and I have decided for various reasons to stop breastfeeding now so am starting the gradual transition to formula.

I can't say I've enjoyed breastfeeding but I was determined to do it as I know it's best for my son. However despite all the problems I am now sad about stopping. Before anyone says I could carry on please know that I have given it loads of thought and am definitely ready to stop but I feel a bit guilty all the same -did anyone else stop at 4 months? Please reassure me that I've done him at least some good and it won't all be a waste now he's going onto formula.

thanks again to everyone who supported me through the tough times -I wouldn't have got through it without mumsnet and am proud that i stuk with it through the early days of hell!

[LittleMonkiesMum]

if it's any consolation, I found the first few weeks very easy with DD1, and the very serious struggles came at about week 10. I'd far rather get the hard bit over with in the early days.
Good Luck! x

[JimJammum]

You are doing great.....if you can express and bottle feed for even one feed per day it might help and give your poor old nipples a rest - I find my one bottle feed a day bliss!!!
My ds also has a huge suck on him; the advantage of this is now that he is older (12 weeks) he finishes a feed in approx 10 mins and goes 3 hours, sometimes longer, til the next one. So, even on the days when he feels like he is sucking my insides out, I can grin and brear it for that long!!

However, in my experience and also my SIL, it does get easier if you can stick with it. I know how it feels! If you can keep going, then do it 'cos it's good for baby, but if you can't bear it then go onto bottles, or just express some more if you can so baby gets goodness and you get a rest from the sucking.
Also, have you tried Lansinoh for nipples if they are sore?

[Amberjee]

hi Vmama, it took me so long until breastfeedng felt really comfortable. LO had horrible troubles latching on and lost a lot of weight, then once he could do it, he would get fussy at the breast and cry and cry which made me feel horrible. all in all, i think it took about 8 weeks or so until things settled down. and now he's 12 weeks and sometimes seems more interested at looking at the world than feeding, so is fruistrating again. but then it is so rewarding when it does work. honestly, be patient if you can, and it will settle down. if there are any breastfeeding support groups near you, they are quite good. not for advice but just to share your experience. where are you based?

[Vmama]

hi mears -i had a section so did need pillows initially -am coming up to 6 wks so maybe ishould be getting ridof them now not sure?

i do have large boobs -36G since pregnancy but my nipples seem to point straight out i do suspect we still have attachment problems and am going to a bfeeding support group on wed so maybe they can help. i had a breast mate pillowat first which was a godsend but he soon seemed to outgrow it an was then too high up.

anyone else found that?

thanks everyone for all messages of support -am determined to keep going -im aiming for 3months now -at first was just aiming for 4 wks setting little targets seems to make it more bearable when things are bad.

have also just been out for lunch with friends and took ebm -the break from feeding was fab and helped refresh me.

[tiktok]

mears - I have to say I agree with you about the pillows. They have their uses, but routinely, I don't think mothers are really helped by feeling they need to have them. It's a very rare woman who can't breastfeed without, except maybe at first if she has had a section. They're sometimes useful with twins.

I have come across mothers whose positioning and attachment are made more difficult with pillows, and yet women can become very attached to them!

[mears]

BTW - what did you think about my pillow post below?

[mears]

vmama - check the shape of your nipple before and after a feed - it should look the same. It shouldn't matter how strong he sucks, it shouldn't hurt if he is on properly. Well done you for continuing on. It will improve, especially if baby is attached properly. If your nipple looks flattened or you have a stripe accross it when he comes off, that is a sign he is not on properly. Your lac consultant should have told you that already though.

[margo1974]

I still battle to latch my dd on first time, it's a complete faff around for about 5 mins.

I think you're doing really well, and I feel for you. You sound like a brilliant mum who has a typical newborn!

[katyjo]

Don't know if my post made sense. I meant don't believe everything you see and her from other mothers, we are all just trying our best but alot of mums don't want to admit things get difficult sometimes. Have you never noticed things are either alsolutely great or absolutely awful, there isn't much of a middle ground! I'm sure your friend has difficult times too, but would rather not admit it.
Sorry to ramble on.
xxx

[katyjo]

You are doing brilliantly!!! Breastfeeding is bloody hard work, and you don't get enough credit for doing it. Please remember your friend is still in the early days and you only saw her for a short time, I found it was hard at first got easier and then got harder again, but if you can keep it going a little while longer you do start to feel the benefit, by about 3/4 months I found ds started to latch on without much help (ie can kind of stick him up your jumper when your out, not like in first 6-8 weeks when I don't think discreet bf is possible). When you have to get up in the night you can almost do it in your sleep, much easier than bottles!!
Sorry my punctuation is rubbish. I nearly gave bf up at 4 weeks and ds just turned a year, I never thought I would continue this long, but I did. Week 4-6 were definately the hardest for me. You are doing a fantastic job!!

[paulaplumpbottom]

I breastfed and it was easy and wonderful. My Sil bottlefed and it was easy and wonderful. You should be proud of yourself for trying to stick with it but if it is stressing you out then maybe the bottle is whats best for you.

[ilovethis]

i meant !!!

[ilovethis]

You're doing well Vmama, take it one feed at a time. I had absolutely no problems at all with DD1 and thought it would be just as easy with DD2. While i havent had any major problems it hasnt been as easy or enjoyable. I had a nasty infected scratch on one nipple last week and every feed was agonising, i felt like apologising to every woman who has ever suffered from cracked nipples and given up bfeeding because of it - i thought they were just being a bit wet [shame][shame][shame]. The building noise certainly cant help you to relax either...

[Vmama]

thank you all -we've had a better night tonight -wondering if he's having a growth spurt as fed him 9 times today and when he hasn't been feeding he's been crying which is unusual for him.

Amazing how when it goes ok you feel so much more positive and definitely tiredness is a factor especially as there has been noisy building work next door for the last 8 weeks from 8am til 4ish meaning I get no quiet time to rest.

i do express enough for DH to do one bottle at night and at weekend did 2 bottles so we could go out for the day -it helps

[chocolatekimmy]

Please don't give up - you have come so far. Before you know it, it will be pain/hassle free and you will both love it.

My third even, born last July, took about 11 weeks to become established and for me to actually start enjoying it. I went through the soreness/mastitis/cracked nipples/thrush etc. I was the same for the first two babies.

I have finally accepted that its not me, the baby has to learn and get used to it as well. I knew what i was doing fgs.

But, its very hard to feel positive when you are having problems and feeling tired and maybe a bit low etc.

It is so worth it to carry on and you will have a great sense of fulfilment and satisfaction when it does click into place. Re your friend, some people just seem to get lucky early on - don't compare.

I still use a pillow or cushion now at 8.5 months, just really comfortable for us both (or lying down in bed).

[amiandlils]

Vmama you have done brilliantly to get this far - I know plenty of people would have given up way before now.

Have you thought about expressing milk and offering it to him in a bottle? Mainly to give your poor boobs a break but also so you can see whether he's actually happier drinking from a bottle? You could then maybe make a more objective decision about the way forward?

I have learnt this time around that motherhood is all about acceptance - that some babies simply don't do what it says on the tin.

You mustn't feel like you've failed if you give up - happy mum equals happy baby IMO and that's whats most important.

[bramblina]

At times it seemed my ds could hold himself on if I were to stand up and let go of him, his suck seemed so strong (!), and before having him my nipples were very sensitive so I remeber how incredibly sore it could be. However you soon become used to it and it's amazing how things change! I hope this is the case for you. Good luck.

[Vmama]

thanks for the support everyone

pain is for the first few seconds and then if my nipple is particualrly sore it hurts at every suck but mainly just the fist few seconds -apparently according to Lac Cons he has a particualrly strong suck!

[terramum]

Vmama - are you still experiencing pain during & after feeds? It wasnt clear from your post.

[bramblina]

Vmama I'm so sorry you're having a hard time of it. I just want to add I had no pain till about day 5 or 6, so maybe your friend just hadn't got there yet! And once I got over it- not till about 8 weeks, totally, it was bliss. I fed ds for 13 months and it has been one of the most rewarding things I have done. I just want to say you are possibly in the worst part, and maybe things can only get better? Sending you luck.