Desperate to move on...

[strawberryowl]

Hi - firstly I am sorry if this is upsetting for anyone who wants to breast feed, I know I've been lucky and not every one is but please don't anyone shout at me I've really reached the end.

My DS will be 12 months in 2 weeks. I have breast fed him this entire time. He has been slow to accept food but has just started to increase what he will eat now to proper meals. He has dropped a percentile but that is since he started crawling and cruising so I'm not really worried. He doesn't sleep through the night, he hasn't even done it once. He wakes up twice at least a night and only feeding will get him back to sleep. I have 2 other children so can't spend all day feeding him trying to up the amount in the day time and so far have been reluctant to let him cry it out at night as he would wake my 2 DD.

Throughout the 12 months I have suffered from dmer which has been really really horrible (gp suggested cammomile tea) and I still have a very painful letdown even now. I am fed up of rubbish bras and the easy access clothes, small issues I know but they contribute to feeling a bit disconnected from myself. I feel completely touched out - have to force myself to cuddle my DDs and cannot stand my DH near me; I feel like DS has eaten me alive.

At 6, 8 and 9 months I tried to swop to formula. I tried every bottle and loads of cups and every formula and expressed breast milk- they were all refused. Both DDs happily switched at 8 months with no fuss at all. There are no allergies or tongue ties or reflux issues- he just is a boob monster.

So I accepted that I was just going to have to do the 12 months and hopefully he would accept normal cows milk after that or I could just load him up with cheese and yoghurt if not and hopefully by then he would be sleeping through etc. Except here we are almost at 12 months and he still doesn't sleep all night, still feeds to sleep and seems to need to feed at night. It makes him so happy in the day and night but I just can't go on anymore with it. I'm not someone who's loved BF (as above) and need to stop.

So how do I do this? One feed at a time? Or cold turkey? Do I try with a bottle again or straight to a cup? Do I just have to let him cry at night? Send in poor DH who has a long commute every day? Go away for a couple of days so I can't give in cause his crying for me breaks my heart? I just don't know what to do and I hoped some of you may have been here and have a brilliant suggestion. Thank you.

[strawberryowl]

Sorry, also if I'm in the wrong place please tell me and I'll move over, maybe this is really a sleep question? I just don't know.

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

Please don't feel guilty if you want to stop night feeds.

I'd start by stopping feeding to sleep for daytime naps only and then once that's cracked start dropping night feeds. You need either someone to come and stay and help do the night settling or H to take sometime off work imo. Or he'll smell your milk and get even more frustrated.

[Notfastjustfurious]

Don't feel guilty about wanting to stop, 12 months is an amazing length of time. I'm at 3 months and already fed up of nursing bras and easy access clothes! My dd is also bottle refusing so can see myself in your position in a few months time. I am about to try a doidy cup to see if she will take from that. At 12 months I wouldn't bother with a bottle anymore but keep on with cups and only offer water at night until he gets the idea, my eldest kept waking at night until she was 10 months but decided it wasn't worth it if only water was on offer. Good luck.

[Walrus5612]

Hello Strawberryowl.
I am a fellow want-to-stop-breastfeeding mum. My body is very depleted and I have been losing too much weight etc impacting my energy. My boy is 9 months. I tried bottles from 3 months, expressing and formula going through a whole host of different teats, bottles etc. None with success! He drinks water from a sippy cup during meal times, occasionally juice from a doidy, or using a straw. I am really hoping to use cup then rather than bottle when I manage the switch.
So I have had no success on reducing breastfeeding during the day, but did want to share our experience for night-time. At 6 months our son increased wakings and wanted milk every couple of hours. I got completely exhausted as my son needed me to settle him and it was causing some friction in the house. So we focused on helping our son be settled by his dad. At 7 months, I gave him a night feed and then his dad came in and sat with us before reading a story and then putting him down. We used Ferber's Controlled Crying. It took three nights and by the second night our boy was settling himself at night without milk. So while our intention had been simply to help him accept his dad putting him to bed, it had the surprise (for us) impact of cutting night time feeds. He now has an enormous feed at 7pm and another enormous feed at 6.45.. The bedtime one lasts 31mins and morning he has 2 x 20 mins.
Anyway for the first few weeks of this we followed Ferber's method religiously, and then I relaxed considerably. If he wakes now which he does if we are away for the night, I do breastfeed if he really wants it, but only once and for a 12 min period. I try first to sit beside the cot to soothe him without picking him up, because of course as soon as he is in my arms he arches to feed.

Having structure really helped me. He is very jolly in the mornings and the short period of controlled crying did not seem to damage our relationship- if anything I felt much happier as had more sleep..
I am at wits end however for cutting daytime - so really interested in how you get on. I am half contemplating using the cabbage/vinegar method to cut my milk supply at 12 months.

[strawberryowl]

Thank you for replying I'm really grateful. Will work on the day time then and see how we go!