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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

My brother died yesterday aged 34. Help me organise his funeral, please.

52 replies

BusyBeeWithThree · 07/03/2009 22:36

This has come as a complete shock to us all. He was handicapped with mental age of about three. He got out of bed three in the morning and collapsed. There has never been anything to suggest his life expectancy was any less than any of us so this really has shocked us all. My parents are in bits so am trying to help out with the funeral arrangements. All the readings I have found are too adult. Needs to be something more suitable for a child - I am struggling. Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

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cornsilk · 08/03/2009 13:14

sorry for your loss busybee

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DollyMessiter · 08/03/2009 13:16

so sorry, busybee.

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MargaretMountford · 08/03/2009 13:20

am so sorry too busybee...if you feel able this thread is full of support www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/641812-For-Jonny-and-all-our-darling-departed-sisters-and-brothers

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RubyRioja · 08/03/2009 13:24

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BusyBeeWithThree · 08/03/2009 18:36

Thanks everyone for you wishes. He didn't really have a favourite book. But was obsessed with anything that goes round like washing machines, fans and windmills. Thought I would buy a load of seaside windmills to fill the church for the funeral. That would make it very personal. Yes my parents have already mentioned the photograph so will do that. It's a funny time at the moment as the post-mortem is on Monday or Tuesday when we will know a little more and then we can start to plan when the funeral is etc.

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cocolepew · 08/03/2009 18:38

So sorry for your loss.

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LilRedWG · 08/03/2009 18:40

Oh you poor poor love. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this awful time. xx

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flossie64 · 08/03/2009 18:43

So sorry for your loss.
How about the childrens prayer. the one that begins ,Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the lord my soul to keep.

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nickytwotimes · 08/03/2009 18:52

So sorry for your loss.

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RubyRioja · 09/03/2009 10:45

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OrmIrian · 09/03/2009 10:53

So sorry

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georgiemum · 09/03/2009 11:00

I am so sorry for your loss. Speak to your priest or vicar - they will be happy to help.

David Cameron read Ivans favourite book at his funeral (Where the Wild Things Are). Maybe a favourite song too?

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BusyBeeWithThree · 09/03/2009 16:00

Lol but his favourite song was "Away in a Manger" and "Happy Birthday!" which my mum is seriously considering!!!!! I have just heard that the funeral will probably be two weeks tomorrow. Such a long time to wait I can't believe it. Def decided on God's Lent Child for the reading and the Winnie the Pooh quote. Both lovely.

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Buda · 09/03/2009 16:05

I am so sorry BusyBee. How sad for all of you.

I think the windmills idea is lovely. And I think his favourite songs would be lovely too - even if they are a Christmas one and Happy Birthday.

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BusyBeeWithThree · 09/03/2009 16:07

Now where to buy two hundred windmills........and there are none on ebay......!

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Sidge · 09/03/2009 16:10

Busybee I am so sorry your dear brother has died so unexpectedly.

I hope you find something special for him - the windmills sound lovely.

Thinking of you.

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alibubbles · 10/03/2009 09:05

So sorry, losing your brother must be such a shock, thinking of you.
windmills

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ForeverOptimistic · 10/03/2009 09:18

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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wilbur · 10/03/2009 09:29

So very sorry for your loss, what an awful shock. I think your choice of poem and quote are incredibly beautiful. Hassled, that's such a perfect quote from Winnie the Pooh.

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BusyBeeWithThree · 11/03/2009 13:57

Thanks alibubbles for the link to the windmills. However my parents don't like the idea..... I went over to their house today and they have completely emptied my brothers room. Everything has been put in the dustbin or in charity bags. They have even taken the pictures down and put them in the loft. They have rearranged the furniture and they are going to decorate the room. It was such a shock for me. Seems so soon to be sorting it all out. The funeral date is not even confirmed. We are going on holiday with my parents two weeks on Friday and they say they needed to sort everything out before we go

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wilbur · 11/03/2009 17:37

Oh gosh, that sounds like they are in terrible shock. My sister insisted on clearing my dad's clothes out very soon after he died and I was not ready at all. She regrets it now. Can you salvage the pics and charity bags and pop them in your loft for a bit?

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EustaciaVye · 11/03/2009 17:41

Gosh. what a shock. The quote/readings sound lovely. Your parents sound like they are in shock which is unsurprising.

I am touched to read the support you had so quickly on this thread.

Thinking of you x

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BusyBeeWithThree · 12/03/2009 11:35

Lol I have spent the morning in their wheely bin. Stuff salvaged and safely in my loft. I won't mention it until later on just in case they do regret it like your sister. Lovely morning I have had!!!! Hope the dc don't accidently tell them what I was doing!!!

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wilbur · 12/03/2009 11:51

Oh, well done for doing that, at least it puts your mind a bit more at peace. Your dcs are going to start wondering if you are going to rummage through everyone's bins now...

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duchesse · 12/03/2009 12:00

Busy- my MIL cleared out her dead husband's things within a week. Her reasoning was that his things were not him and she didn't want to fixate on his things instead of remembering the good times. Three years before she had held onto some of her son's belongings, and I think regretted it, but couldn't bring herself to get rid of them by then. In the end, she gave his teddy bear to our son when he was born, and passed on various other things to my husband a few years later. I think the longer you keep things, the harder it becomes to shed them later. I'm sure they will be glad you salvaged a few things later though...