The world keeps turning

[Mackemlass79]

Hi everyone bk to my origial name as to be honest I don't care if it's outing snd I know some of u here will know me from the WAY website and fb page anyway but here my thought for the day. Does anyone else find it utterly bizarre and mind bending how life just continues on how Christmas preparations still going on everywhere how u still have to eat and sleep and do things it's such an utterly strange feeling particularly on social media seeing life and everyone just carrying on

[AdoraBell]

Not so much Christmas but when my late father passed away I was amazed that the other commuters on the train were chatting and laughing as though nothing had happened. It almost feels like an insult but eventually you begin to get used to it.

I’m sorry for your loss 💐

[Mackemlass79]

Yes I know what u mean. Its my partner passed 7yrs who passed at end of Oct and it really just feels so surreal even that I'm continuing. The mundane conversations I have the pointless stuff I seem to do and as u say the people carrying in laughing joking travelling working just getting on with their lives and living it all feels so strange and kind of disrespectful but ultimately they have no idea

[EmeraldDaisy]

I completely know what you mean! I lost my mum quite quickly in September and I can't believe the world has turned since then. Sounds odd but I find it hard that her house still exists when she doesn't.

[Chasingsquirrels]

It seems unbelievable at first that everything just carries on when your life has fallen apart.

But eventually your own life carries on as well, hard as that may seem to comprehend at the moment.

It's an awful time for you.
I did find my local WAY group really helpful.

[Outlyingtrout]

I know exactly what you mean. Like the whole world has changed forever in a monumental way, for the worse, and people are just going about their business like nothing has happened. It's the most bizarre and uncomfortable feeling

[insancerre]

I know exactly what you mean
When my brother died I remember the first time I left the house, and was shocked at how normal everyone was - didn’t they know my world had fallen apart?

[ZiggZagg]

I remember when my dad died in April just watching extended family members having cups of tea and chatting and feeling like don't you know my world has ended? It's such a bizarre feeling, still feel like that some days and guilty if I laugh or feel happy because he's gone

[Mackemlass79]

I feel like I can't deal with things like looking on social media and people moaning about what I now see as trivial things weather traffic their kids their spouse when mine isn't here and never will be again and that's the hardest thing I can not even begin to absorb and accept the finality of it

[WhatDidISayAlan]

I had a puncture coming home from the hospice after my dad had died. I’d been sat with him from Friday night until he died on the Monday morning, and the first thing I had to do was change the wheel in the middle of a city and then find a tire place. Sitting in their greasy little office waiting for them to fix my puncture two hours after I watched my dad take his last breath was the most mind blowing couple of hours I’ve ever spent.

[Mackemlass79]

@WhatDidISayAlan it's utterly hideous isn't it. I didn't live with my partner and after he passed I had to travel to where he lived by train this was few days later as was earliest train I could get and sat in train station and then on train just watching people come and go and carrying on was surreal

[SprayedWithDettol]

My DF died a couple of years ago and remember the odd feelings I felt driving home after being with him as he died. It was an hour drive in auto pilot tbh. Now I regularly think that I’m glad he didn’t ever know about the pandemic as he would have worried about us all so much.

[Chanel05]

@EmeraldDaisy

I completely know what you mean! I lost my mum quite quickly in September and I can't believe the world has turned since then. Sounds odd but I find it hard that her house still exists when she doesn't.

I feel this same way at the moment. I'm here at her house now. Her toothbrush is still in the bathroom pot, half eaten packets of mints in the bedroom, washing on the clothes horse.

[Cissyandflora]

Sorry for your loss op. I do know exactly what you mean. Today a man was killed in an awful accident near me. The roads were closed all day. But all around people carried on with their business. Restaurants asking for custom and people walking around. Including me. I got on with normal stuff yet someone has had their life wrecked and their family will never be the same again.

[Mackemlass79]

@Cissyandflora I know and as someone said to me and its true that just 6wks or so ago me and my partner were doing tad exact same thing doing normal stuff going out to eat driving to see family etc and other people were losing their loved ones and now he's not here I'm finding it strange how others are just carrying on with life

[Cissyandflora]

I really feel for you. It’s so sad but when we leave this world it just carries on without us. It feels so wrong because your life is now completely changed. I hope you begin to feel better soon op.

[Dearblossom]

Yes, I remember that time well. I wanted to shout 'Stop!' to the world. Reminds me also of 'Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone' by WH Auden.

[Autumngirl79]

Life going on seems to be one of the hardest parts of life after a death in my limited experience. My dad died a month ago and already a few things have happened that I'd have loved to have talked to him about or seen his reaction to......Christmas party in No 10 last year....when that story broke we were all on our family group chat in hysterics imagining his reaction and rants. It's very hard. I remember I had a late miscarriage ten years ago and sitting in a meeting a week or two after I went back to work and just thinking wtf is going on here, how can anyone be talking about something so mundane after I lost a baby. It's just the way of the world though. It's just so strange.

[3kidsareenough]

I know exactly what you mean OP. My lovely dad passed away 6 weeks ago. I came out of the hospital carrying his walking stick after spending the last few hours of his life with him and I had to carry his walking stick and wait to cross the road while traffic and people were just carrying on all around me and here I was standing with his walking stick and he was gone. I wanted to scream how dare you just go about your business when a bomb had literally gone off inside my head

[Gertie75]

Sorry to hear about your partner.

I still feel like I'm in a goldfish bowl at times and it's 8 years since my amazing Dad died, I'm still resentful of those who still have their Dad's and often find it so surreal about what has gone on since he died, huge world events and simple things such as new houses being built nearby that he will never know about, he wouldn't have thought twice about them but it's just another sign of time moving on and him being left behind.

It's so cliché but it does get easier, the huge overwhelming 24/7 pain fades to waves of it so it's not constant and I can now think of him and smile and be thankful he was my Dad for the years we did have together.

[Hoowhoowho]

A few weeks after my daughter died I was in a cafe and on the next table was a mother with a baby of about six months and I had an overwhelming urge to walk up to her and say “babies die you know”
Fortunately I resisted but I think it was just a reaction to that disbelief that the world kept turning, that most people didn’t get my shifted perspective, their lives carried on under that sheltered umbrella (how it seemed to me) with not the slightest idea of the horror that could befall them.
Six years on nearly now and I still realise most people don’t get it, can’t get it but my reaction is now rolled eyes, mild bemusement rather than a desire to painfully enlighten them.
Time changes things slowly, it took 2-3 years but the horror and misery did fade. Someone told me early in that it would take at least 2 years to feel even a bit better and I couldn’t believe them, couldn’t accept feeling this bad for that long but they were right.

[ParkheadParadise]

Yes, it's strange how the world keeps turning.
I have very vivid memories of when my dd died.
We were in a police car being taken to the mortuary. It was early evening and the roads were busy. I clearly remember 2 guys outside a chip shop laughing and eating their takeaways. They were strangers but I so wanted to get out of the car and scream my head off at them for laughing ( I now know that sounds mad).
The first Christmas was horrendous listening to everyone outside celebrating.
It does get easier although I still hate Christmas dd2 is sooo excited about Santa it rubs off on you.

[Anordinarymum]

But we do carry on with life because life is precious and wonderful.

Grief can consume you if you let it. It is a cruel master. You will find a way of living with your grief that allows you to find joy again, maybe not the same joy as before, but happiness is important.
You are not being disloyal to your bereaved one by being happy. It is what they would want for you.

[MintyCedric]

It such a hard thing to wrap your head around.

It's just over six months since I lost my dad and I feel more than ever as if my world has spun on it's axis and moved 3 inches to the right.

His loss wasn't even sudden, he'd been on end of life care for over a year.

So sorry for everyone else on here who is going though this.

[Mackemlass79]

Thankyou everyone for your comments and experiences I'm almost 6 wks in and it feels unbearable at times like real physical pain inside me and I know nobody who hasn't experienced it can ever understand and that's ok I don't expect them to be sometimes the comments I get or the friends that don't seem to care is insane. I've nit really been out much since but even just the people around me talking about mundane stuff I find really hard as I can't care about any of it and everything Christmas right now is hitting every nerve

[PurrBox]

I a so sorry for everyone's sadness and loss.
I have had some terrible bereavements, and this poem expresses is how I felt, especially the last two stanzas.
I hope this doesn't make anyone feel worse.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W H Auden