Stillbirth at 39 weeks

[Cozzor]

My DD was stillborn at 39 weeks on the 21st September. She was due to be born by elective section at 9am that morning but I went into labour during the night before. We went to the hosital, excited and just expecting to have the section a couple of hours earlier. I had felt her move happily the night before at 10pm while I was having a bath. When we arrived at the hospital, the midwife tried to listen into her heartbeat but could not find it. I was not too perturbed as she said the baby could be in an awkward position so she got a mobile scanner unit out and called a doctor. The Doctor spent some time looking at the scan and asked the midwife to call the consultant in from home. At this point I started to panic and the doctor told me she thought the baby had died. When the consultant came in from home, he confirmed it. Our whole world collapsed from that moment.

Things are still very raw, we had Emily's funeral on Friday which was incredibly hard. I have a 2 and three quarter year old son who is a blessing but I do find it hard being around him sometimes as I look at him and just have a feeling of such imense sadness when I think what could have been with Emily - I will never know her as I know my son now. Has anyone else who has lost a baby but already has a child felt that?

All I can think about, even at this very early stage, is getting pregnant and I have been told I have to wait at least 3 months, mainly due to the section scar. Reading some previous postings is making me panic that even when we do start trying, it might not happen for us. I am 35 and worried about this too. Getting pregnant really is the first thing I think of in the morning and my last thought at night and then I feel guilty that I am obsessing about this rather than concentrating on my grief for Emily which is overwhelming but I feel that at least when I am thinking about TTC, I am not drowning in the gut-wrenching grief I feel.

I also have to wait for the post-mortem results but have been warned that they are unlikely to find a cause - I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing.

I still live in the hope that I will wake up and it's time to go and have Emily as planned and this has all been some nightmare................

[constancereader]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter Emily.

[xyzabc]

cozzor; i am so sorry for the loss of your little girl. 4 years ago i m/c at 20 weeks. what made it worse was id had an invasive test c.v.s (which is like an amnio.) this caused the m/c, so not only did i have the grief of losing my baby, i had the guilt that it was my fault. that is something i will never get over. god bless. x x x

[Pennies]

I'm so sorry to hear about this.

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

Xx

[3andnogore]

I have nothing to add, really...just wanted to say how sorry I am for your tragic loss!

[fairyjay]

For Emily xx

[McDreamy]

xx

[97PercentGingerbread]

I just don't have the words.

I'm so very sorry.

[yogimum]

so very very sorry for your loss. Wish you all the best for the future. take care xx

[champs]

[CHOCOLATEPEANUT]

So very sorry

I lost a little girl at 25 weeks 2 years ago and never found cause. Its the most awful thing to happen to anyone.I too had a 15mth old child at time.

I am now 33 weeks pg and every day is a hurdle.Today has been very very bad

It took me two years TTC and I am 40.It will happen

God bless and I am so so sorry
x

[Bubble99]

I am so sorry to hear this.

Yes. It is totally understandable that you want to conceive again asap. And when you do, your new baby will help to soften some of the raw pain you are feeling at the moment. You will never 'get over' losing Emily but you will get further away from the agony (it is literally a physical pain, isn't it? )

Other posters have suggested contacting SANDS but I am only now, nearly three years on, at a point when I feel able to begin to try to come to terms with the sb of my twin son. I tried very early on but was still in too much shock. Added to my own toxic cocktail of emotions is bitterness, as my son died only because the medical staff on duty were negligent.

Your son will provide you with comfort, but yes, also sadness as you know how good the experience of being Emily's mum could have been.

There are no words to make you feel better at the moment and you will, as one of our wise mnetters said to me at the time, have to go through several 'meltdowns.' But with each one you go through you are a step further away from the pain, until it, one day, becomes bearable.

If you want to CAT me, please do.

Much love

x

[SpookyBearistheSpookyBear]

Cozzor, I'm so terribly sorry.

My mum had a stillbirth at 38 weeks, almost a year to the day before I was born.

[VooJu]

So sorry to hear of your loss

[claireabo]

so so sorry

[Yorkiegirl]

Message withdrawn

[SaintJude]

I'm so sorry

[madamez]

Sending you sympathy