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Tomorrow is my nan's funeral, and I am dreading it so much

46 replies

Pinkchampagne · 23/07/2007 23:34

This will be my first funeral, and it is my lovely nan's.
Her death was a shock, I still can't quite take in the fact she has gone, and I am dreading the funeral more than I can explain.

She is being buried on top of Grandad, and I don't know how I'm going to handle it all. Don't want to go to bed because I just don't want to face tomorrow.

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ScummyMummy · 28/07/2007 08:05

Glad that the funerals went well for you nan PC and your mil, beety.

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Pinkchampagne · 26/07/2007 13:08

So sorry to hear about your Gran, Sammysam.
My nan was a very popular lady, who was loved by everyone, but there weren't that many people at her funeral other than family. She had lost so many people over the years.

Don't feel pressure to do a reading. I personally couldn't do a reading as I didn't feel I would keep it together enough, but a lovely tribute was read out for her.

Was there a song that meant something to your nan?
My nan was carried out to "I'll take you home again Kathleen" which was a song grandad used to sing to her.

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herbiemom · 26/07/2007 12:43

Well, the people that mattered to your grandma will be there - that's what I told myself at my nan's funeral.

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sammysam · 26/07/2007 12:24

Thank you herbiemom.

It just feels so wrong there will be so few there-we have a really small family my dad was their only child.
She was only 76

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herbiemom · 26/07/2007 12:18

So sorry for all of your losses.

sammysam - my nan died at 95 and since she had outlived all of her friends there were only family members at her funeral. We're a really small family and I felt really sad that there were so few people there to say goodbye to her and celebrate her life.

If you can't face doing a reading then don't put too much pressure on yourself to do it. Nobody will think badly of you - it's a very difficult thing to do. I don't think I could do it.

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sammysam · 26/07/2007 12:06

I'm so sorry to hear about your nan-and everyone elses loss.

My Grandma died last weds night and her funeral is on monday.
She had lost contact with all her friends after my Grandad died 6 years ago and so there will only be about 8 of us at the funeral

My dad has asked me to think of a song/piece of music or poem and I'm having trouble (have posted in the Philosophy / religion / spirituality section) as I now realise I didn't really know her as a person just as my Grandma and feel so guilty as we used to see her them every week until my dad left and then saw her far less often.

Dad has also asked if I'd like to read-i am so bad and scared about reading things and I know i just won't be able to get the words out-but I feel so guilty and think I should. I don't know what to do.

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Pinkchampagne · 26/07/2007 11:39

Really sorry to hear about your Grandma, Stroo.

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Stroo · 26/07/2007 11:32

My Grandma died last night - very expected (altzeimers) and she's been in a sort of coma for a few days. Went to see her two days ago and she looked vary peaceful.

Off over to mum's now to help arrange stuff.

DSs have taken it well (well - as much as it's sunk in).

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Pinkchampagne · 25/07/2007 22:50

Oh dear, that sounds like a very stressful job for him, hope all ends up ok for you all. Sounds like you may both be in need of a holiday soon!

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Beetroot · 25/07/2007 20:58

dh not to bad. tired very tired,

he has to sort out the will now and it is very complicated and senstive

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Pinkchampagne · 25/07/2007 20:11

I expect that is just what your MIL would want you to do!

How is your DH?

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Beetroot · 25/07/2007 19:59

yes. Everyone went hom and we all went badck to dh sisters house and just had a laugh.

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Pinkchampagne · 25/07/2007 19:56

Sounds like fun! (Well, other than the swimming in the sea bit!) Was this after the funeral?

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Beetroot · 25/07/2007 19:52

we all went to the beach (about 15 of us) drank copious amounts of wine and the mad ones swam in the sea - well dived in and ran out screaming!

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Pinkchampagne · 25/07/2007 19:48

Sorry to confuse, it is the day after the funeral but I feel I'm taking things in more today. Yesterday feels like a bit of a blur in my head, but the funeral itself went well.

Pleased to hear your MIL's funeral went so well, Beety, I was thinking of you last Thursday. Your DH was very brave to be able to do a reading.
We had a toast of nan's apricot brandy before the funeral, which I wouldn't normally drink, but I went back for seconds!
I'm sure that & the Rescue Remedy helped me through it!

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RubySlippers · 25/07/2007 19:41

just done the same beetroot

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RubySlippers · 25/07/2007 19:39

use it as a chance to say goodbye
to think about the good times you shared
and to grieve
take strength from your family and friends and you will get through it
sometimes the anticipation of a funeral can be worse than the day itself IYSWIM

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Beetroot · 25/07/2007 19:39

I really must read the dates!

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Beetroot · 25/07/2007 19:39

We buried dh mother last week.

she died unexpectedly.

The funeral was beautiful. Dh even managed to read. I had a gulp of vodka before going in!!

You will be fine. It will be very emotional.

Take Care

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Pinkchampagne · 25/07/2007 19:33

Went down to the cemetary with my sister this afternoon, and saw all nan's flowers. We read all of the messages, which we didn't do yesterday due to being in too much of a state.
Both my sister & myself feel that yesterday was almost like a dream, and today we are taking everything in more. Does that make sense?

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Pinkchampagne · 25/07/2007 13:19

Thank you for your messages.

CaptainUnderpants - I'm so so sorry about your mum. There is no pain like the loss of someone very close to you, and to lose your mum must be devastating for you.
I know what you mean about the raw eyes. My own reflection almost scared me for days after nan's death because my eyes looked such a mess.
I will be thinking of you over the weekend.

My mum is suffering badly today, so I am going to try to get round to see her as soon as the boys dad is around to take care of them.
I want to get down to the cemetary at some point so that I can see all nan's flowers.
Still can't quite believe she has gone & I'm never going to see her again.

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Biglips · 25/07/2007 08:59

It will be better and you can move on once your Nan buried

I still miss my aunty who died 4 yrs ago GOD BLESS XXXXX

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CaptainUnderpants · 25/07/2007 08:57

Hope you are Ok today Pinkchampagne ?

I dont know about you but my eyes feel raw from the crying over the last few days .

You are not alone in your grief for a loved one .

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Budababe · 25/07/2007 08:36

Hope you are feeling OK today. I still miss my Nana - 9 years on.

I don't know if this will help any but when my Nana was dying (stomach cancer) on the last day she was afraid to close her eyes in case she didn't wake up and she was quite frightened. She was in her own home and there were a few of us there - my 2 aunts and my Dad and Mum and me and her sister and my cousin.

At one point one of my aunts was in the room alone with her and she said to my aunt "look it's Daddy" and my aunt said "my dad - James?" and she said "no MY Daddy" who had obv died years before and then "oh James is here too and Mammy" - her mother died in 1932. She was visibly more peaceful and relaxed afterwards and died about an hour later.

I now really believe in an afterlife and that our loved ones guide us over so your Nan prob wasn't alone when she died.

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Dinosaur · 25/07/2007 08:29

I hope you managed to get some sleep in the end sweetheart.

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