Question about my dad's final moments **Trigger warning**

[nowayjose1]

My Dad died the day before yesterday. He had just turned 59. He died from
pneumonia.

I can't stop thinking about his last breaths. I've been trying to research online to make more sense of it but can't.

Basically as he was passing he made a gasp for breath twice. He didn't seem distressed but I'm wondering was this just an automatic body response for more breath or was he actively trying to breathe. I know it's probably the first but i just can't stop thinking and seeing it in my head I'm so upset thinking that he might have been scared or trying to hold on.

I also feel guilt. He couldn't really talk but he managed to tell me he knew he was dying and that he wanted to come home and die surrounded by his family. We spoke to the nurse and the palliative team had planned to discuss it with us but we never got the time. The nurse did say that she apologised to him that she couldn't grant his wish which I thought was really sweet.

Just wanted to get it off my chest I guess. Thanks for listening.

[Babyroobs]

I have seen many people die in my profession. These last 'gasps' are completely normal and if your dad did not appear distressed in any way please don't worry. I'm sorry for your loss.

[nowayjose1]

Well my dad lived hard and fast! Sparkly Irish eyes, always getting into trouble but a heart of gold. He didn't really look after himself towards the end, he had diabetes and wasn't taking his medication properly, not going to appointments etc.

We tried and tried to help him (he and my mum divorced when I was little) but he would never listen to anyone, was very set in his ways!

Last year he was in intensive care for 8 weeks and we honestly didn't think he would recover. It was a miracle! But then it's almost like he gave up :-( ... it was so frustrating. He always used to say "I've had my time" errrm you aren't even 60! It made me so
angry. Like we weren't enough to make him want to live.

But I just think he couldn't live the quality of life the way he always had before he got ill and he struggled with that. I truly believe he wanted to die. Hopefully he is at peace now.

He's having a proper easy end send off with lovely black horse drawn carriage and with his favourite pink floyd song played so hopefully he will like that :-)

Sorry for rambling. Once you start you can't stop!!

[MrsDustyBusty]

I was present when my grandmother passed away and there was a last breath, quite a sharp one. I believe it's common and sometimes referred to as the death rattle.

May your father rest in peace.

[LandLock]

Feel free to ramble on if you wish . A horse drawn carriage and pink floyd sound like a good plan.

[mineofuselessinformation]

I'm sure he would like it, Noway.
It's such a hard thing to deal with.
I lost DF at the end of October, and I'm still living in doubt about his end, even though I know in my heart it was peaceful, calm and pain-free, just as he wanted.
You can only go with your gut instinct at a time like this. and my wishes to you.

[Star2015]

So sorry OP for your loss.

My nan passed away on 6th Jan and my mom who was with her described a very silimar reaction as she passed.

I'd like to read the thread in Classics, but cannot find that section - can someone please point me in the direction.

Hope time will ease the not so good memories OP and just the good ones remain.

[UnbornMortificado]

It's referred to as a death rattle were I live (north east) I've been with my grandad and ex-p's nanna as they passed and the likeness was eerie.

I've very sorry you have lost you dad

[nowayjose1]

Star2015 I'm not sure how to link but the title is called "what happens to people after they die" I think so should come up if you do a search x

[heebiejeebie]

If you look in Site Stuff there is a section called Mumsnet Classics.

[WotsitWig]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I was with my mum when she passed away last year. Her final gasps haunt me to this day and like you, I struggled with making sense of them. It's an awful thing to witness.