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Bereavement

my dad has died

34 replies

SophySinclair · 30/08/2012 21:59

After an estrangement of two years, my dad has died suddenly at the age of 52.
I can't breathe.

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ssd · 25/09/2012 19:04

thank you x

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BadRoly · 24/09/2012 20:15

Sorry to read about your loss ssd. I know what you mean. Didn't want you to go ignored.

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ssd · 24/09/2012 19:24

hi

just to add my sympathy and empathy for everyone here

my mum died 2 weeks ago and I just feel raw

agree no one gets it unless they've been there, its loike explaining to someone what its like to have a baby when they are childless

daft comparison but you'll know what I mean

its just so horrible

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BadRoly · 16/09/2012 18:50

I find that even now, almost 4 mths on, the silliest things set me off! Dh and both had a good weep on our way surfing yesterday because the kids were singing 'Sing' (the jubilee song)...

I still stand by my 'just roll with it' advice. Dont fight your emotions, just accept that it is your head/body/soul/mind or whatever coming to terms with your loss xx

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SophySinclair · 16/09/2012 18:42

Watching Steel Magnolias was a BAD IDEA this evening. Sob-fest.

All of you who have lost someone, I hope you are doing ok.

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emmylou157 · 09/09/2012 23:25

Hi,
How are you doing. I am also finding today hard, I live 2 1/2 hours away from my mum and family and came back last night. It was so strange not talking t him on skype tonight as before he died we spoke every night. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. My little girl adored him and every night she insists on saying goodnight to him outside as she thinks he has gone to be a star and that breaks my heart every time. I have good days and bad days but we just have to keep going and remember they wouldn't want us to be sad x

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SophySinclair · 09/09/2012 23:17

Today was rough as there was a huge match on in Ireland today (hurling - to quote Alan shearer " a cross between hockey and second degree murder") and our county was in the final, for the first time in 20 odd years. I kept thinking Dad would have loved it.

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ILovePonyo · 05/09/2012 22:03

God yes sophy, I feel sad about my dad every day but am finding it hard to think about my dd not knowing or seeing him as she grows up, he was a brilliant grandad to her and that is one of the things I am finding hardest to deal with. I have made myself put up a couple of photos of him and dd, just so I can say "that's your grandad" even though i find it difficult.

Hope you're doing Ok, have you considered cruse bereavement counselling? I have been to my local one but they have a 3+ month waiting list, that's why it could be worth looking into now.

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SophySinclair · 05/09/2012 19:11

Thank you all for your messages and PMs. Like bezabeza said it is all very new. It's been really helpful talking to people who also lost parents. I didn't expect to be as badly affected as I am right now. I'm also feeling so sad for the DC who have never had a relationships with their grandfather.

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bezabeza · 31/08/2012 23:34

I have found that the people I've wanted to speak to the most are those who have also lost a parent....it's this shared thing that you just can't feel if you haven't. A friend who lost her dad 15 years ago and who I haven't seen for 5 years came to the funeral. I managed to speak to her for all of 5 minutes before she had to go but the hug she gave me was just the best hug ever. She also gave me a little book mark with the words ' when it rains, look for rainbows. when it's dark, look for stars'....

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bezabeza · 31/08/2012 23:29

Lots of love and hugs to you. My dad died last wednesday...we had the funeral yesterday...this is all very new. Please message me if you feel like sharing some feelings and thoughts. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Dumbleweed · 31/08/2012 18:37

Sophy

My dad died suddenly at 57. He was very difficult and I didn't expect to be as badly affected as I was.

Go with your feelings. Do what you need to do. It is a confusing time.

Thoughts are with you.

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ILovePonyo · 31/08/2012 18:19

Sophy I'm sorry. My dad died suddenly in April, the shock was huge and I'm still finding it hard to face up to it.

If it would help definitely talk about your dad here, sending you a hug.

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everlong · 31/08/2012 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BikeRunSki · 31/08/2012 11:11

I'm so sorry. My dad died 19 years ago, when he was 61 and I was 23. I was at work when I got the call and I cried buckets right there in the office. He'd been ill for over 10 years but it was still a shock. I don't think a day passes without me thinking of him, but in time it has only been the good times that stay with me. Sometimes I have little chats with him, usually to tell him how his DGCs are doing. The both know about "Grandpa Matthew" and we have an old picnic rug of his for snuggling under (in this way he helped them both recover from Chicken Pox).

The shock and tears will subside, and the nostalgia and happy memories will rise to the top. It may take months or years, and it is fine to be sad, to cry, to be conflicted, angry, relieved maybe, glad possibly if it was a bad relatioship, shocked, upset and all the other emotions you are feeling right now. Look after yourself, ask for as much help as you need. And hold onto your DH and DCs just a little bit tighter tonight.

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crisisofidentity · 31/08/2012 09:47

Sophy, so very sorry. You will be going through so much now, just try and bear with it, it is a terrible shock.

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foofooyeah · 31/08/2012 09:31

How sad, I hope you find some peace. You will go through a whole heap of emotions as another poster said 'Just roll with it'

I know someone who went through similar and how hard it was for her (her estranged mother drank herself to death).

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OhGood · 31/08/2012 09:23

I am so sorry. Even harder when you're estranged as the emotions are less clear-cut. I hope you are finding the support you need.

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t875 · 31/08/2012 09:20

So sorry for your loss Sophy. It is so very hard to lose a parent, i lost mine this year suddenly to a massive stroke and i still miss her loads, it has got easier though as the times gone on.

hugs to you and support for the time you have ahead. x

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LaurieFairyCake · 30/08/2012 22:52

Mine drank himself to death too - just try to do everything to look after yourself, it's horrible when parents make terrible choices.

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Sharpkat · 30/08/2012 22:49

Sophy - sending you unmumsnetty hugs and so feel for you.

I was estranged from my father for 2 years before he died suddenly one day aged 56.

The shock is enormous and it will take a long time to sink in. Just take each hour at a time. You will go through a rollercoaster of emotions.

It does get better over time, but that initial period is truly awful.

Cry when you can and get as much love and support as you can.

PM me if you need any support x

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Hassled · 30/08/2012 22:39

BadRoly is quite right - whatever you are feeling is the way you should be feeling. Don't try to fight it. Most of all, I'd imagine at this stage you're in shock. Go easy on yourself - and talk here as much as you need.

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headinhands · 30/08/2012 22:39

Sorry Sophy. Sorry for you loss.

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superdragonmama · 30/08/2012 22:38

I am so sorry x

Is your dh home now? Please be very kind to yourself as you'll be in shock. X

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SophySinclair · 30/08/2012 22:37

thank you. My mother and he had separated 2 years ago after a dreadful marriage. He became impossible and I had to break contact. He drank himself to death, literally.

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