AWFUL behaviour in DD 2.5yo after illness/hospital stay

[stripeybumpsmum]

Any advice please?

DD aged 2.5 had been moderately ill for a week before she was admitted to hospital as an emergency. She was kept in for 3 days, and has been back 4 times for repeated blood tests, physical examinations and one test under general anaesthetic. We are awaiting tests results, which could potentially be very serious.

I can understand she is pretty fed up but I am struggling to control her behaviour. She normally thrives on routine, which has been skewed. She is usually best friends with DS (4yo) but they just seem to be fighting - she has been the aggressor. I have been the one with her most of the time, and the worst of it is directed at me (I accept I am stressed and tired and less tolerant).

As far as the Drs are aware, she does not seem to be in pain. She is almost back to normal for eating etc. Bit sleepier. But both frequency and duration of tantrums have increased on an epic scale. E.g. she got hysterical today during an attempted examination of her tummy. Although the Drs are great, she got herself so worked up she was thrashing around on the floor, kicking, biting, screaming the place down to the point we had to resrain her to stop her hurting herself. It took her a good hour to calm down.

We've been honest with her, as far as she understands, about what is going on. So help me out here - do you have experience of this? Just muddle through until we know diagnosis, ignore it or discipline her? We are normally pretty consistent in terms of what behaviour is acceptable, how many warnings, what is an immediate time out etc. It seems a bit mean when I know she is acting out because she is out of sorts. But likewise, she can play it up a bit (temper and tears are usually on off/on switch with her). I don't want us reacting in a different way to normal, because she is ill, to unsettle her more.
Thanks

[andiem]

Stripey I'm a children's nurse and this is all very normal behaviour for this age group. Toddlers have a very fluid understanding of where their body ends and the outside world begins. This means that when they have things done to them it is very hard for them to see that the 'thing' needle etc will go away and not be part of them. They have a real difficulty with their body boundaries being breached so it is very distressing for them. They also do not have the cognitive ability to process the idea that these things are being done for their own good.
My advice would be to give her some slack, only fight the battles that really matter and provide lots and lots of uncondiitional love and cuddles. (not that you don't do that I'm sure )
The meltdown today is probably the result of the pressure of all the examinations and visits etc. They have no way of expressing their fears other than tantruming. Don't worry about it too much it all sounds perfectly normal to me.
HTH and hope you find out what the problem is soon. {{hugs}} it is such a stressful time.

[chesgirlNOTgriffins]

I havent got much to add to andie's excellent post except to agree with all she says.

I spent a lot of time on the ward with my DD and there were lots of little ones there behaving just as you describe.

Nearly all of the children would also develop something I secretly called 'prince/ss syndrome' The amount of attention they received (good and bad] turned them all into little dictators!

It was confusing for them, they were being spoiled (and deservedly so) on minute and the next minute they had to put up with horrible procedures.

Some of it is also about trying to get some control over what was happening to them. My DD was much older and able to articulate what she didnt like and how she felt, the little ones couldnt and showed it by biting, screaming and scratching etc.

I also work with children who spend a lot of time in hosptial. After a long spell on the ward its very common for them to act out. Even though I dont do anything medical or painful to them, they dont trust me and I have to make it very clear I am not going to prod them or stick anything in them.

I wish you and your DD all the best and hope things are resolved really quickly.

[stripeybumpsmum]

Thanks, I really appreciate the advice. She is definitely acting out - I watched her giving dolly a 'special sleep' with a cup like the play specialist explained about the GA.

As parents we feel out of control so I can certainly see how difficult it must be for her - her language is really coming on, but obviously she is limited as to what she can verbalise. And likewise her brother. Very difficult not being able to 'fix' things. Well, just being able to 'know' would be good at the moment.

Carrying on with lots of cuddles it is then. I am kind of pleased about the strops - if she is that loud and strong, probably an indication she is doing OK!

Thanks for the support x

[Chaotica]

Can't add to the excellent advice above although DD has had a couple of hospital stays and has always been a terror for months afterwards. (The last was when she was 3.5.) It must be so stressful for you and confusing/distressing for her - I hope she feels better soon or at least that you have some sort of diagnosis.

[NellyTheElephant]

Just to add that my DD was in hospital for just over a week recently. She's 5 so little older than yours, but her behaviour was appalling, irrational and really quite scary for a month or so after she came home. Not all the time, but lots of crazy fierce tantrums, followed by storms of tears and also being beastly to her little sister who had missed her so terribly when she was away etc etc. I tried to take it in my stride and not get angry e.g. take her in my arms and hug her when she was kicking off, which for her seemed to work as she would then dissolve into floods of tears and cling to me. It was all very odd, but wore off week by week. I think she had a lot of anger against me as I had regularly had to hold her down while she was kicking / screaming / crying whilst the nurses changed her canula etc. It had been pretty awful to be honest so I'm not surprised she had some weird behaviour afterwards.

[Rsamy]

Hi. I don't have anything to add, just thank you for posting this. My son was in hospital last week after suddenly becoming very ill- turned out to be pneumonia caused by his chicken pox! He is 2yr8m. We spent 2 days and nights in hospital and since coming home he has been awful. I can't tell you how many times I've been screamed at in my face and he's been awful to his older sister too, who is going through something of her own too, which just makes it all harder! It's reassuring to see this is normal for his age and this will hopefully pass soon! Thank you.