Please Help Us - scared child

[Dior]

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[bambi06]

what about using playmobil people and re enacting issues and very gradually introducing the fear into the story line get the figures doing role play ie one being mum and the rest of family etc, and listen to what he gets his figure to say .its called play therapy

[Dior]

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[Byn]

Is it possible that another child told him something horrible about pine cones? A boy at school told me cauliflower was monkey brains and I still can't face eating it!

[Dior]

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[throckenholt]

another idea if he has problems putting things into words is to give him a piece of paper and ask him to draw how he feels - sometimes you get something like a really angry scribble - anything really - it just gives them a way to express themselves.

[Verytiredmum]

Hi Dior

I have just picked up your thread and wanted to offer some support and sympathy - especially for your ds. I remember reading a long time ago, about a little boy with a fear of light switches and the huge problems he faced getting through the day. His fear, if I remember rightly, was related to a compulsive/obsessive disorder - treatable, but very very real and not likely to go away on its own. I'm not saying that your son's reactions are definitely this - I'm no expert - but if this is a genuine fear that your ds has, I would definitely seek professional help, as it must be very distressing for him. I'm sure that there are strategies that can be taught for people whose phobias can't be conquered - counting as you walk past the object was one, I think.


Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

VTM

[Dior]

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[Magscat]

We have problems having 'proper' conversations too. I mean, about anything he doesn't want to talk about - usually related to anything personal. Also ds hates anyone taking his photo or making him centre stage - e.g. in the 'ring games' they play at nursery.

I think it's to do with it being too hard to articulate what he really feels emotionally or maybe just not wanting to conform to an expected way of behaving. Not sure but it's frustrating isn't it?

[Dior]

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[Dior]

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[Magscat]

Hi Dior - How's today been?

[throckenholt]

Kids make odd connections between things. When I was a child I must have seen a bit of Frankenstein on tv - specifically where they sewed a girls head on the body - she was called Agatha. For years I was adamant that I would not watch anything by Agatha Christy.

Hopefully you will be able to sort him out soon, but try and let him tell you how it makes him feel and let him help in the process of solving the problem. Don't discount any ideas until you have thought of them all, write them all down and then go through them. Apparently that way they feel much more in control of what is happening - their choice. Come up with a potential solution - try it for a day or so and then go back through the process together and work out if it is workig or you need to try something else.

[jamiesam]

I wonder if he saw an insect or something crawling out of a pine cone and that's what frightened him? You say that his phobia is expanding to spiders/flies etc, and I was wondering if there was a link?

I still remember coming across a beetle once when shelling peas -really made me jump as I wasn't expecting it and now nearly expect there to be a beetle in a bag of peas...

Just thought if you were talking to him about pine cones you might trace any connection to insects. Then you could find out how insects live in all sorts of places in the garden and make it fun??

[Dior]

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[throckenholt]

good luck - I am off to bed now - but will check back to see if you manage to find out what the problem is.

Little boys are very strange emotional little things aren't they ?

[Dior]

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[throckenholt]

that's the problem - you have explained them on a logical level - and he understands them on that level - but it isn't dealing with how they make him feel.

Obviously something has happened to frighten him - you might eventually find out what - but in the meantime you have to work out with his help exactly what it is the bothers him and why that is extending to other things.

Try by saying something like - I can see you are worried by pine cones. (sit him on your lap and have a cuddle conversation so that he feels really safe). Say you want to help him avoid the problem (to start with, later you can tackle overcoming it), and say you need him to explain what it is about them and what they make him feel like. Then talk through with him ways of getting round it - maybe write down all your ideas (his and yours - godd and silly ones), then go through them all and decide between you which ones are worth trying. Throw some silly ones in too - like maybe taking a mini hoover and hoovering them all up, or walking past them with your eyes closed.

That way he feels a) that you are really listening to what he is saying, and b) that he is helping to solve the problem for himself.

[Dior]

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[Dior]

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[lou33]

could you make up a story about a pine cone /spider etc, that get's it comeuppance at the hands of a vengeful mother? It might help him .

[Dior]

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[Dior]

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[throckenholt]

If it was my DS - also 4 next week - I would sit him down when he was calm and talk about what it is about pine cones that upsets him. Try and get him to explain how they make him feel, don't push him, but try and let him find his own words.

It is probably some very illogical (to an adult mind) connection that he has made.

As an example, I have another ds who is 2.5. He "sees" things - eg animal faces in the knots on a plank of wood. He had been pulling the wall paper off his wall beside his bed (another story ) last week, and just after bed time he became hysterical because he "didn't like the rabbit". It turned out the rabbit was a shape he could see in the torn out wall paper - so I then had to pull a whole load more off and convince him it had gone home. He has since been telling me on a regular basis that the rabbit has gone home to tea ! I have also spent some hours stripping off the rest of the wallpaper ready for redecorating.

[Dior]

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[marthamoo]

Bless him - I think you have tried everything you can on an 'amateur' level and it's time to seek professional help: it does sound like a genuine phobia. Best of luck - poor little mite - let us know how you get on.