How do I get an over tired 3 week DD to sleep?

[SheWillBeLoved]

She's exhausted, I'm exhausted, and she just won't sleep. For the past few days she has constantly fought her sleep. She has just this minute dropped off after being awake solidly from 4pm. Her eyes are/were bright red, she's whingy, too tired to take full feeds and so they're just rolling into each other and not filling her enough to settle her for a decent amount of time.

She has a dummy which soothes her, but she'll suck too hard now and again, it'll pop out, and bing! - she's wide awake again for another half an hour. Since birth she has been great, self settling and feeding every 3-4 hours. Just seems like something has thrown her off these past few days and I feel so helpless seeing her so obviously knackered but unable to drop off.

Any tips on how to settle her and help her wind down? Surely being awake for 6-7 hours solidly isn't right for a 3 week old?

Message withdrawn

DS1 was like this when tiny - it does pass, I promise you. The things that helped with him were swaddling (really tight), lying on a bed with him in my arms in a quiet dark room (maybe reading him stories or just quietly singing to him to calm him down first) then having some natural noises on in the background (waves breaking on a shore - you can get it on itunes - was good as was tropical rain) so he'd calm down enough to go to sleep. A walk outside in sling or pram sometimes worked but sometimes went the other way as he was a very nosey baby from a v young age.I think sometimes they get too stimulated if you're trying lots - and dont worry about them selfsettling, she's tiny and there is plenty of time in the months ahead for her to learn to self settle. Other things that were good were just vegging out on the sofa with DS1 (put a dvd on, have snacks to hand feet up, feed baby to sleep and just chill). If all else failed, a warm bath at any time of the day with me (all that skin to skin really helps) would calm him down and get him in sleepy mode.

Good luck

shewillbeloved Have you tried using a nipple sheild? although i know this is not something that most would recommend for various reasons. I fed my DD1 for the first 4mths using them, as we also had lots of problems getting her to latch right.

She's finally asleep, managed it by herself in her crib too she isn't too bad of a morning, she's normally awake for an hour or so after her first feed but then drops off, so is awake for 1.5-2 hours at the most. As the day goes on though, it seems like she gets more tired and finds it harder and harder to wind down after her feeds when I'm trying to settle her.

I suppose I'll just have to do whatever it takes to get through this stage. If that means cuddling her to sleep then I'll have to. It'll stop me getting stressed, and her over tired.

At what stage do you have to start letting them settle themselves? Depending on her level of tiredness, she can manage it. And I know she's only tiny and finds comfort in being close to me or daddy - but I really don't want her to eventually become dependant on being cuddled to sleep.

My DD was (and often still is) hopeless at falling asleep. She got better at about 4 months. For naps during the day I often used to let her fall asleep on me. If I tried to move her she would wake instantly so it was easier to make sure I had a drink and the tv remote nearby, put my feet up and veg out with her.

Have you considered taking your DD to a cranial osteopath? It really helped my DD. The osteopath said there is a growth spurt at 3 weeks and it is very common for babies to become uncomfortable and have more problems at this point.

It might be worth asking your GP or HV to check for tongue tie. My DD had it and it does make latching on harder.

Hope you have a good day today.

3cutedarlings - have tried them, she did attempt to suck as the teat was closer to a bottle teat which she is used to than my nipple, but nothing much came out at all and as I was/am solely expressing I couldn't risk my supply dropping even a little bit by her not taking much.

I also second the sling option, a good ring sling will hold her close and secure and you moving around the house will send her off.

As far as her latch is concerned, DD1 never opened her mouth wide when she was tiny, she practically chewed the skin off the tips of my nipples in the first few weeks, ouch! But we did get there in the end. If you want to lose the dummy and have a shot at getting her to feed from you direct then perhaps some serious skin to skin and Biological Nurturing positions (you topless, laid back/reclining her laid on you, on her tummy in just a nappy) and let her comfort nurse on you rather than a dummy. Might resolve both issues in one go (in time, not instantly!).

Exclusive expressing is really hard work, I take my hat off to you!

"fed her, she fell asleep in my arms, I put her down... "

So don't put her down! Which is where a sling comes in. She's been in your belly for 9 months, that's 40 weeks. She's been outside your belly for 3 weeks, and it's a huge culture shock to her. She needs to be in contact with you to feel secure, that's why she'll fall asleep in your arms and then wake when you put her down. She is being a normal, natural 3 week old baby, there is nothing wrong with her at all!

As for when she will learn to self-settle, that comes later, much, much later. It isn't natural for babies to self-settle, don't expect it until she's closer to a year or more. There is nothing wrong with nursing her and cuddling her to sleep, it's not a bad habit, it's what babies instinctively expect to happen, and to try to get a tiny baby to self-settle is to try to go against a million years of evolution. Shift your expectations, hold her, cuddle her, keep her close, lots of skin to skin, and don't try to "train her" (even though lots of people will tell you that you need to) and take the time to enjoy the feeling of holding your baby, and feeling her warm little body against you, sit and stare at her, and congratulate yourself on how clever you are to have made such an amazing little creature, marvel at how perfect she is, and forget about the ironing and hoovering. Lie in bed with her and snuggle, allow yourself to relax and just be with her. Lay her beside you and hold her close, tickle her nose with your nipple, squeeze a little milk out so it smells like food, let her mouthe and nuzzle and lick, instinct is very strong, and even though our current hospital practices do their very best to get in the way of our natural nurturing processes, at this early stage it is possible to tune back in and trigger those instinctive responses for both of you.

Oh, and there is a growth spurt at three weeks which makes most babies fussy and ravenous, so in some ways this is a perfect time to try to relatch her, and probably one of the reasons why she's so unsettled at the moment.

we found this white noise cd helpful for our son (now 3 years) who was never a settled baby. I'd like to try it with DD2 but its hidden in packing boxes at the mo.

GreenMonkies - It's all well saying don't do anything but lay there and cuddle her, which I do at times. I love nothing more than cuddling her to sleep. But when you have a 3 week old daughter who does nothing but scream so much that she makes herself gag whenever she is offered my breast, even in just a 'teasing' way, not always getting her to latch on, and so have to practically constantly sit attached to a double pump all day to keep up with her 4-5oz demands each feed - it's hard to find the time to do nothing but lay on the couch and cuddle.

I understand that being cuddled is the most natural thing in the world to her, I understand that she isn't used to lying on her own in her crib. But something has to give. It's either a case of finding something which will settle her and give me time to sort out her feeds and everything else going on, or not do much but lay with her cuddled into me with a bottle of formula. Sounds dramatic but in my head those are the only options which I can see working.

I've never used a sling. Possible to use one and a double pump at the same time?

Sorry ive no idea on the sling front.

I would personally try the shields again tho and keep trying even if it just for 5/10 mins each day. Im not saying for one minute that being by the breast will settle her any better, but it will obviously give you a more time if you not having to pump.

SWBL, I'm sorry my suggestions and support were not what you wanted, or don't seem like they make any sense. Have you tried looking for help with expressing or tried any galactogues to boost your supply. Perhaps if you can boost your milk supply you would be able pump less frequently and then spend more time cuddling etc.

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

SWBL - DS1 didnt self settle till 7 months or so, DS2 started self settling from around 4 and a half months - it depends on the baby. I think you can use a ring sling and express on the other side - other slings may be rather tricky to express in though. Fennel tea is good for boosting milk supply - which may help with the expressing - as is resting up and having as much skin to skin as possible with your little one in the early days, so between the expressing bouts please do try and take it easy. I hope it all gets better for you soon.

Hello, SheWill

DS was exactly the same, he'd start off the day ok then not nap enough and end up exhausted and screaming by about 4pm. Thought it was colic at first then realised he was just shattered .

Anyway, you've had tons of advice so your head is probably spinning. I'll just add to what someone mentioned above about babies not staying awake for longer than 2 hours at a stretch- DS needed to go to sleep exactly 1 hour and 15 minutes after waking up when he was tiny. Took us a while to work it out but made settling him much easier when we did so might be worth experimenting with.

I know it's hard not knowing how to help them settle, I think I cried as much as DS in the first few weeks! I always felt like I should know instinctively what he needed but it's not like that- it's like having a stranger turn up at your house and being expected to know how many sugars they take or what their favourite music is! Anyway, it gets tons easier once you get to know each other, promise.

And I know I've said it already but I really think that your efforts with the expressing are heroic. I hope that your OH plans to help you catch some zeds this weekend.

Oh, oh! And cranial osteopathy, definately give it a go before you abandon all hope of BFing. There's a charity called the Osteopathic Centre for Children, they offer appointments on a donation basis in Manchester & London. It's only anecdotal I suppose but I've heard great things re. BFing issues, certainly helped with DS's constant puking...

As 2 people have already asked - do you know whether she has tongue tie? This can make breast feeding almost impossible and the baby very unsettled ( though she is only 3 weeks!). I'm only throwing it in as it's very easy to cure but often overlooked by midwives etc.

Try a hair dryer for the white noise. Was an absolute miracle for us