How do you discipline a toddler with little comprehension?

[peckarollover]

I cant remember what to do at this stage?

DS has recently gone from gorgeous, placid, happy boy to full on toddler angst.

He is 2 in September so still quite little but very forceful, wilful and errr a bit wild really.

I cant remember how you deal with bad behaviour when they dont understand concept of threats, consequences etc etc

[Twiglett]

mummylonglegs .. can I highjack for a second .. has it all blown over yet??

[elibelly]

hmm this has been very helpful. I tend to waffle, shout and say NO far more than I should it seems. I'll try being simpler with my demands and see what happens.

Pecka - we've had the glue ear, slightly deaf thing too, although ds's hearing seems much better these days than it was. He's just a willful little blighter and is also big and strong which doesn't help when I have to physically intervene for his safety. This isn't aided by a 4 year old who thinks everything he does is hysterically funny and so eggs him on [tearing hair out emoticon]

[dottydaisy]

We had to revert to the "shut you in the bedroom" way. It does seem harsh but even after holding the door for 30 seconds was enough. We saw it on that Nanny programme and we were at the end of our tether. We only had to do it three times. Now we just mention that he might have to go in there and stops. Although he does have to be behaving really badly or endangering his own safety. They say you should shut them in there for a minute of every year of their life but it is really difficult to last for that long so we just shortened the time frame.

[ghosty]

Jimjams ... you are back! I have missed you! Fab advice ... am off to tell DD what to do, not what not to do ...
Oh, hang on a minute, she is in bed, will wait till she wakes up !

[HondaDream]

I empathise with the glue ear and deafness(my DS had similar problems) but I dont think it is an excuse for bad behaviour. You just have to be firm. Actions speak louder then words. YES means YES and NO means NO. Always follow through with your actions and never give in. It is hard as a mother of 3 ( and with 3 under 3 at one stage) I know but it pays off in the end. My kids are a bit bigger I have different punishments for each of my kids which are effective DS gets shut in his room ( he hates being alone) DD1 has toys taken away and DD2 is easy(must have got it right by time she arrived) gets a good telling off and sent to her room. When they were toddlers I was strict and FIRM. Get down on their level and say NO and mean NO and even if you have to say it 50 times keep going.

[Jimjams]

I was reading a book about autism and language yesterday- and found something very interesting. Because autistics learn language in whole chunks ( so for example they would learn "get your coat on" and " get your hat on" as 2 entirely separate things) they cannot understand "no" or "yes". For example if when asked "do you want to go on daddy's shoulders" they are taught to answer "yes"- then "yes" then means "I want to go on daddy's shoulders". And if they've been told "no" when sniffing the tv, then "no" will mean "don't sniff the tv" and have no relevance if they're sitting on top of the fridge freezer (they're there thinking "what tv?"

actually blew my mind away- now I understand why at age 6 my son has never once used yes or no (either as a verbal approximation, or as a picture symbol), and why the only thing that makes him behave is telling him what to do- and why he doesn't stop when I say no. He was pissing around this morning, no got me nowhere- as soon as i said "sit" (barbara woodhouse style), he did- immediately.

[popsycal]

Wow Jimjams - that is eally interesting and makes so much sense!
Sounds like a bit of a breakthrough! How are your two littlest boys doing btw?

[Jimjams]

ds2 is hilarious (sorry but normal kids are weird!), currently terrfied of wee willie winky (my fault- over enthusiastic attempt to get him to bed), ds3 is snotty and mucusy, very sweet and I'm 99% certain he isn't autistic.

Not a breakthrough really with ds1- he's smashing his head to pieces at the moment (got hold of all the wrong foods)- luckily he's doing it at school as well (the bruises were getting embarrasing). Am getting nowhere with stopping him weeing everywhere- thought it would have gone by noww. MIL down next week- she is going to be horrified.

The way language is processed in autism is weird and amazing. These techniques do work well with nt kids as well (although less well as they get older as they argue- at least ds2 does then I find the "apple or nothing", "nursery now or don't go" approach works best.

[yoyo]

Jimjams - I spent all day yesterday telling DS what to do as opposed to what not to do with a measure of success. Half term next week and there are bound to be tantrums and flounces gallore (girls are at that stage) so am going to try it with them all.

Found the autism and "yes/no" very interesting. Sounds like a huge breakthrough in communication. Good luck next week with the MIL.