BOSSY 2 YR OLD - ADVICE PLEASE!!

[Mandymoo]

Hi

DD is nearly 2.5 and has gradually become VERY bossy. Whilst it is funny sometimes (she literally tells everyone what to do) i need to know how to handle it. I dont want her thinking she can always have her own way but i dont want to be constantly telling her NO. Apparently i used to be a bossy child ( i dont believe it myself!) so will she just grow out of it???

[Enid]

I do the ultimately annoying 'what was that? There's a word missing from that sentence.' (to get a please)

she'll be posting on mumsnet in 20 years -threads called 'Annoying Things Your Mother Used To Say'

[popsycal]

i have a bossy boy who will be three in august
he is bossy in a cheeky way
his newest line is calling me a silly billy woman....

hmm

[bossykate]

hi mandymoo, have i made it sound all complicated - eek! it is just as i have described, every time i get a bossy/whiny/stroppy order, i rephrase the question back to ds in more acceptable language, e.g.
get me a snack = mummy, please may i have a snack
read me a story = mummy, please will you read me a story
don't do that = i don't like that mummy, please stop doing that (stroking his hair, which i love to do but he hates!)
move = please excuse me

it really is that simple.

please doesn't count if it is just tagged on to a bossy/stroppy request

e.g. get me a drink! please! said in a rude way doesn't cut it.

just getting him to rephrase things makes such a difference to how he comes across, hence the reaction from me is better and it's just easier to deal with all round even if you have to say no - obviously a politely phrased request for crisps/chocs/presents won't get him what he wants, but then you're into "picking your battles" territory.

i think of it as giving him the verbal toolkit he needs to survive. works with feelings too if he hits - e.g. you don't have to hit, you can explain that you are cross, "mummy, i am cross because..."

hth.

[bossykate]

oh god i am even worse, i have started saying "do you mean...?" must stop that as i am getting it back now!

[Enid]

I hear: 'no mummy, silly mummy, bad mummy. Mummy I love you best you are my best friend. No teeth clean, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not that way, like this, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo not that brush, the NOddy one, mummy I love you. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO face wipe, its not nice, you not nice, silly mummy...'

and on and on and on....about 100 x a day.

its just become what normal life is like here.

[sandycheeks]

Gosh Mandymoo I can totally sympathise with you, DD was the same. She used to be bossy with other children, and if they would not listen to her she could become physically aggressive
Obviously the violent behaviour was always diciplined, but a combination of things have totally reformed her, she's now known as a chaterbox rather than the bossy one. When she turned 2.5:

1. She started a local nursery for 2 hours five mornings a week.
   2.ds was born
   The bossiness might be embarassing but once she's on her own with other children in school or nursery I'm sure that you'll see an improvement. I would just put put it down to having a strong and intelligent child

[Mandymoo]

Thanks Sandycheeks - DD attends local nursery one day a week and has done for a year or more now. Nursery staff say she plays and mixes well there.

BOssykate - thanks for the tips and i will definitely try your positive language approach

Thanks all XX

[sandycheeks]

Children always act up for parents, if she's mixing well at nursery then I would not worry at all about her. By the way ds is totally different to dd, he's the most laid back characer I have ever come accross. If dd starts getting on his nerves he just pulls her hair (the quiet ones are the dangerous ones )

[Prufrock]

Snap Mandymoo - my thread was here . I have started saying no to some things (she is no longer allowed to insist on making my coffee) and she is responding. Interestingly though at teh weeknds she still bosses dh around - so I think her attitude is all about what she is allowed to get away with.