So if we accept that having a 'good ' or 'easy' baby is down to luck of the draw, at what age do we start to influence our children's behaviour?

[Jojay]

Another thread got me thinking - many people say that having a good sleeper, or a 'contented' baby is purely down to luck, so when do the parents actions start to impact on behaviour?

Any thoughts?

[FabioUnblogged]

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[blueshoes]

juuule, even if you intend to post on the other thread , I agree there are babies that prefer to left alone when overtired and just need a short cry to fall asleep. In those cases, their need is indeed to be allowed to cry for a short time.

Also, there are babies who cry who no matter what you do and you never get to the bottom of what is ailing them - both my dcs were frequently of this category.

[Jojay]

Totally agree that there is a huge difference between temperament and behaviour - if I treated all babies the way I treated my DS, they would not all turn out the same.

That's also why some 'techniques' for sleeping or feeding may work for some but not others.

However, I do think that we can influence behaviour from a relatively young age, by being consistent in how we approach things, by giving lots of praise when we do what we wnat them to do, and by setting clear boundries.

Thanks for your comments everyone - it's been very thought provoking........

[MannyMoeAndJack]

I think that we influence behaviour right from the start - but I also think that this works both ways; we are influenced by our dc right from the start too. It's a bit like the chicken and egg conundrum.

[edam]

Very good point, Manny. The way your child responds to your behaviour affects your behaviour which affects their response, etc. etc. etc.

I'd say ds was an 'easy' baby. But what that really means is I found it easy to be with him at that stage - we'd figured each other out. By the time he was nearly three, I was wondering if the 'terrible twos' were a myth.

Ha ha ha bloody ha. Three to four was MUCH more challenging...

[cory]

It is important to distinguish between temperament and behaviour.

Of course we can influence children's behaviour- otherwise human society would be impossible. One day I will get through to my ds on the subject of table manners

What riles many parents is the smug assumption that a placid baby (temperament) is the result of parental influence.

I also find it irritating when parents don't allow for the fact that most children go through phases. So they come on Mumsnet boasting about how their dc (at a naturally placid age) is much better behaved than a slightly older child (who has reached a stroppy age); and they seem to think it's their parenting. Ha!

Or they get terribly upset and indignant when their dc hits one of the ages that are known to be difficult (such as the terrible twos or the 6-year testosterone surge), because it must mean that somebody is doing something wrong (the school, the nursery, the influence of naughty children, or a sudden failure on the part of the unhappy mother etc).

[MannyMoeAndJack]

Musing aloud, sometimes I wonder about the division of influence...just how much influence do we bring to bear on our dc's behaviour and just how much influence do they bring to bear on ours? Is it 50-50? Culturally dependent? etc, etc.

My ds is SN and I would say the influence on behaviour has mainly come from him to us!!

[MannyMoeAndJack]

What riles many parents is the smug assumption that a placid baby (temperament) is the result of parental influence

Yes, it's a feature of human nature that parents are all too keen to take credit for their dc's positive achievements....but are mysteriously tardy to take credit for anything negative that those same dc achieve!!!

Selective logic!

[edam]

Yeah, and the other thing is that obviously all the good things about ds come from my side of the family...