my lo ignores me all the time and doesn't love me

[bumbly]

well so it seems

just ignores me

is this normal for a male boy almost one?

totally enthralled by grandparents and dad who never have to do all the "horrible" things to him like change nappy, feed, take toys away etc

feel really low and dejected - spend all hours of day doing everything to make his life best and today in particular he really ignored me

last night as usual screaming at 4 am - i picked up and he screamed more

daddy picked him up and he fell asleep

this morning doesn't even want to play with me

odd thing is as newborn he always wanted to be held and i could never leave him for a sec without screams!

Bumbly, this is normal too! It might be that he can feel a little bit of tension in you too, just relax and it will change. Its good to hear that your DP was able to settle him - look on the bright side as it allows you to have a little more rest. Its good that both you and your DP can settle him..IMO that's the way it should be (and is, in my house).

The not wanting to play with you is classic for this age too, they don't play 'with' anyone. Instead of trying to engage in play with him, make observations instead like,

"oh, are you pushing a car"
"i see you're building a tower"
"lets put this brick on here"

I DO know what you're going through coz I did too...I wasn't actively MN'ing at the time and wish I had been coz it was really hard, especially when you spend all your days and nights caring for them. Instead I turned to one of my HVs, I have a particularly good one who gave me lots of reassurance and told me all the things everyone here is saying. We even went to the local surestart centre so she could show me how to play - I was expecting far too much from DS.

DS is now 19 months and can't stand not being in the same room as me, he's sat next to me at the moment just chilling.

Instead of looking for the next sign of 'rejection' from him, try to relax into it, carry on doing things for him as normal of course, but just step back a little. If he doesn't want to you to play with him, sit back on the sofa with a cup of tea and have some 'you' time - enjoy the time that he is expressing his independence - it won't last long!

good post calsworld.

I think you are looking for him to provide you with validation somehow. He can't do that, he's just a baby and he is acting completely as nature dictates. There are lots of reasons why he might have settled for your DH; maybe dad has a firmer touch, bigger arms, less patience; maybe he cried more for you because you are mum and give more cuddles than dad and it was the sheer need for cuddles; so many ways of looking at it other than 'he's preferring dad'.

but mainly I totally agree with everything calsworld said in that last post.

The thing is - we know what you go through as a mother, we are mothers. But he doesn't know, and he doesn't give a shit either. If you're expecting any show of acknowledgment or gratitude, you've got a way to wait yet!

Sometimes he will prefer Dad, but you know, Dad is his other parent, why should he want you all the time? So you do all the donkey work round the house - your baby doesn't care and probably never will. So you do 95% of the childcare - doesn't matter, your baby can't count. He still wants and loves his daddy. It would be the same if your DP did 95% of the childcare - your baby would still want to have you instead sometimes.

Also, it seems a relentlessly negative view if you don't mind me saying so

instead of "he doesn't even want to play with me"

you can think "my clever boy is SO good at entertaining himself, what an angel"

Are you looking at him with a permanently wounded expression?! I would tend to think that feeling this way, you might possibly be looking a bit serious....he WILL take his lead from you in the smiling and laughing stakes....IMHO

I'm sure it's very easy to fall into feeling this way, I am not blaming you at all for feeling how you do, just trying to show there are other ways of coming at it. Tis ALL a phase, anyway, as is everything with babies and children

I agee with the others. I did chuckle at 'male boy' though as oppose to what?

Lots of wise posts on this thread. I know it hurts to feel rejected, but they are telling you the truth: he doesn't know what rejection means, it's not something he is doing consciously to you. Though it may well be that he picks up on your frustration and finds it unsettling.

You remind me a little of dd who was 3.5 when ds was born. She spent ages making him a mobile out of shiny paper and was devastated when he just went to sleep without looking at it. -He hasn't got time for me!, she wailed. Little brother was 2 weeks old at the time.

Of course your lo is older but he is still very little and like my dd you are expecting too much if you want him to make you feel good about yourself. That heavy slog has to be done by you. Just keep smiling at him, be proud of all the positives, show him that you enjoy him whatever he is like.

Later on the time will come when he tells you that he hates you. Children do, it's something you have to bear. (They don't mean it, though). Your job will be to smile and reply calmly: 'Well, it doesn't matter, dear, because I will always love you'. This is how we teach children what love means. And that lesson will be with him forever.

You need nerves of steel to be a mother. But it's the best job in the world