Screaming 3yo = screaming 30yo dp. Help

[leoleo]

My ds is 3yo and he keeps screaming over every little thing.
When he wants a drink - a scream-y screechy whiney noise comes out instead of just asking.
It is causing problems because it is very stressful hearing that noise and the constant whining and dp is saying need to get tough which ok does need to happen but how? No point responding with shouting which dp keeps doing which cause tears. Our lives are ruled by our ds and I feel in a constant worry about keeping dp and ds happy..

Also ds just does not listen and blatantly ignores us.

I have spoilt my child and I need help reversing it before it's too late.

All help appreciated.

I want a polite (which he is) pleasant (which he is) non whiny child who listens to us that we can take on trips without it descending into chaos.

PS - How do you 'discipline' children when your out.

Thanks

[katie3677]

It is a stage they all go through. I found not responding to the whines and asking him to ask nicely worked. At 3 he is old enough to understand what you ask him to do. Also, threatening to take away priveliges when we are out, or else removing him from the situation completely helps. We have even forgone a much looked forward to birthday party as a result of bad behaviour to enforce the point, HTH.

[leoleo]

When you do that (not taking him to a birthday party) would you remind him that you were going to be going but not now?
When we are shopping my ds like to go in the disney shop to have look round and I have started saying we're not going if you continue to not walk probly and keep making silly noises. But sometimes he forget we were supposed to be going anyway..

[Umlellala]

Our 2 year old has just started doing that 'want water want water!!!!!!' [cue panic-stricken 'omg i need milk RIGHT NOW' look and voice] whiney thing. We say ok, yes you can have some but you need to ask properly... and say 'can i have some water please' for her to say (she'll remember 'please'). We just don't give it to her until she has asked nicely. She is slowly learning and dropping the whiny thing.

I know it makes us feel like they are being really bratty and spoilt but they're not actually being naughty - how do they know what 'good behaviour' is expected of them unless you tell them?

[katie3677]

Yes, I make it very clear that he is missing out on a special treat as a result of bad behaviour. That is a pretty extreme case though and it's not something I like doing, but it did seem to hit home and do the job, for a while anyway.

[fymandbean]

definitely don't give water or whatever until he asks nicely - BUT you and DH have to do this together so no shouting or response of any kind to whiny voice just an "ask nicely and I'll get it for you" don't give him your full attention til you hear the voice you want

This will be hard at first as he will just whine and whine and whine as he thinks it's the way to get things!

[Stuntnun]

The book "The Incredible Years" by Carolyn Webster-Stratton has some very useful advice on how to get screaming toddlers to behave like civilised children (most of the time). She's like Supernanny but nicer!