DS of friend is "difficult" but does he have special needs?

[missjhunterdunne]

Just wondering if this behaviour rings any bells with anyone. My son is in reception and a little boy in his class is universally described as "difficult". His behaviour in school is completely non-compliant - so if told to sit down, he stands up and vice versa. He also deliberately knocks things over, takes papers away from the other children, sits making funny noises during story time, etc. - its like he just can't control himself. I obviously don't see him in class, but outside I would say he is very physical (although not aggressive - he does push and shove but its as though he just doesn't realise he could hurt someone), not very talkative, and rarely makes eye contact. He has no interest in school work, but is obsessively interested in very restricted topics - like for eg. cowboys.

The school describes him as extremely disruptive and has referred him to see an educational psychologist. I am very concerned for the family and where this might lead, as the school has not been very supportive and I suspect they may be hoping the psychologist recommends a different school (this is a small private pre-prep by the way). His mother is worried sick and has now reached the stage of feeling physically unable to speak to other parents about this for fear they may turn against her.

Any ideas as to how we might help? Sorry its such a long one.

[missjhunterdunne]

thanks totalchaos.

[TotalChaos]

bumping for the day time crew

[TotalChaos]

it's fine just to provide a shoulder to cry on btw, don't feel you have to be massively practical - as it this stage if you say - oh it sounds like xyz - whether it's ASD or something else could be massively upsetting. I think the most "practical" thing you could do is to reassure her that even if school are over-reacting, it really won't do any harm for her boy to see an ed psych, that the ed psych will chat with her boy and may get him to do some tests like copying patterns of blocks, and it should all be low key from her boy's point of view.

[missjhunterdunne]

Thank you so much for the suggestions - my friend is literally worried sick and the school is definitely making things worse - she is made to feel they strongly "disapprove" and expect her to explain/tackle it. I personally think that once they realised their usual behaviour strategies didn't work (sticker charts etc) they started wondering how to pass him on. I could understand if it was a case of "this is what he needs", but I just feel they aren't really putting his needs first, they are concerned about the school above all else.

He is 5 btw, and although not talkative is I think very intelligent on his chosen subjects when he wants to talk.

So far I've just been a shoulder to cry on as I don't want to start diagnosing problems that may not be there, but at the same time I do feel that something isn't right and its not fair to keep reassuring when he could be getting help. I'm going to do some reading up and try and be a bit more practical with the support.

Thanks again.

[stripeymama]

Have you heard of PDA?

My db (9) has this and sounds quite similar to the boy you are describing, particularly the non-compliance and obsessive interests.

I have heard it can be quite hard to get a dx, and its not very 'well known', but does really ring bells for me.

I hope your friend gets some answers and support - let me know if I can tell you any more or answer any questions.

[TotalChaos]

does the little guy have difficulties understanding language - as some of the non compliance/funny noises at story time could be due to that. other things you mention could indicate special needs, but obviously we are just speculating on here.

anyway in terms of support for his mum - my DS has mildish SN (language related). at this stage, what helps most is acknowledging that it's worrying for her, and if you don't know what to say, it's fine to say that - what irritated me was the fake positivity, the "oh it's all normal" - as it made me feel like they thought I was a neurotic nutter. I know that with me - sometimes I wanted to spill and give chapter and verse about appointments, the latest on DS, whereas other times I wanted to be distracted and talk about anything but - so follow her lead. The NAS (national autistic society) website has lots of useful basic info about the sort of language/behaviour problems that kids with ASD experience - obviously this kid's difficulties may be something other than ASD though, but wouldn't do any harm to have a look on there.

[jellyrolly]

How awful for her and her ds. What age is he? Has your friend ever brought up the subject of him having special needs?

It sounds like he is in the wrong school whatever his needs are, they need to support him and his family a bit more than just referring to psychologist.

I used to work with autistic and asperger's children and he does sound like he has special needs. The poor lad must be quite unsettled to be behaving like he is. I would say in the right environment he would be much happier.

If it was my ds, I would appreciate being able to talk about it to get a balanced sounding board. You could always get some literature on special needs and read up on symptoms.

Sorry to be vague, it's hard to know what to say without seeing someone isn't it?