Constant fighting between siblings- when to get help??!!!!!

[Georginamiss2020]

Hi guys this is my first thread and I've never used this platform before but at my witts end and I don't know anyone else with the same problem as I am having had with my 8-year old son and 7-year old daughter. Basically since the day day my second child (now 7-year old girl) was born her brother has never been nice to her....ever!!!!! This causes constant fighting bickering physical arguing day in day out. I have to sit one in the front of the car and one in the back otherwise they fight the entire journey! The same goes for at home they cannot be in the same room or even sit on the same sofa it is beyond unbearable now! This is having such an impact on daily life to the point I don't want to take them places because it is so stressful. All of my friends and family that have siblings say there's argue and fight of course but not constantly. I cannot even recall one time that my 8-year old has ever been nice to his sister even as a baby he is so jealous. I feel like I need to get some professional help I am so worn out and mentally drained I'm wondering if there is anyone else with the same problem and how the hell do you deal with it?? I dread waking up in the mornings now because all I hear is them two physically fighting and shouting etc it's making me so unhappy when usually nothing phases me and I am quite care free usually and not a strict mum. They don't listen to me when I separate them and tell them to stop even if I shout so. Nothing works at all :(

Thank you

[NaomiS1]

Sorry to hear about the difficulties you're having OP. This does sound worse than 'normal' sibling rivalry.
I'm half way through reading a great book at the moment called 'siblings without rivilary' which you might find interesting. Good luck!

[Georginamiss2020]

Thanks for your reply lovely. I will give it a go, sitting him down on his own and talking about why he hates her so much I hadn't thought of that! It really is unbearable and is making the whole family miserable. Have bought a white board to put rules on going forward and I need to be stricter but neither of them listen to me it's like a game to them just battling for attention alllllll the time!

Thanks for the advice :) x

[FishingPaws]

I think you may have reached the point of needing some professional help, even if it's only to get an outside view. Other than that, violence needs to have very firm consequences.

Now that he's older, can your ds verbalise his reasons for behaving as he does towards his sister? Unless you get to the root of that, you're going to struggle to build positive (or even neutral) interactions between them. You may also be reaching a point where your daughter is scared of/uncomfortable around her brother, she may need help to overcome that - but only when you know you can keep her safe.

(violence from your dd towards her bother is, of course, just as unacceptable!)