Headmaster has mentioned "mild Aspergers tendencies" with regard to dd1

[TooTicky]

Not sure what to think.

[TooTicky]

Hope they both get through!

[SueW]

In case they do, shall we both wear pink carnations? Or red gerberas?!!!!

[madamez]

There is a possiblity as well that she's being percieved as 'unfeminine' because she's clever and doesn't try to hide it in order to defer to boys. How traditonal in his views does the headmaster generally seem?

I don't want to diminish the difficulties some people suffer with ASD but I do sometimes worry that every kind of refusal to conform is now being labelled as a problem that needs treatment rather than just being an individual who doesn't see the need to fit in with the herd.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Will she manage at high school without a 'label', or will it help her?

A "label" should be seen as a signpost to getting more help (a Statement for instance).

I know of too many children with AS who have struggled badly in secondary school.

[gringottsgoblin]

my ds has as but not diagnosed, we have been on a waiting list to see psych for over a year, there is just no funding for this in our area and its pointless getting it done privately because the lea do not have to take the word of private reports

school know he has as and are treating him accordingly, he has a statement (which i applied for, apparently they are more often successsful if parents apply), school do not feel he needs a dx and i have not explained to him about it, if he asks questions later i will do so then. his statement pays for an aspergers specialist to go into school for one on one time during which they deal with social problems

i will talk to high school and ask them if he needs a dx when we get there (he is only 8) and if they dont need it i wont push it. if they do i will fight tooth and claw to get one!

AS does not have to be a negative thing. i wouldnt say its a positive thing either of course, more just part of ds personality. martian in the playground was really helpful to me, lots of little things ds does explained and i feel i understand him better for reading it.

sorry thats such a ramble, the kids are talking at me non stop about nothing, end of term excitement getting too much, hope something makes sense

[MaryBS]

{hugs}. We're waiting for an appt to see a paed. DS saw the Ed Psych and that was a waste of time for various reasons. The school didn't mention Aspergers or Autistic Spectrum, but as "well-meaning" friends had, we raised it with them during one of our meetings, and they said he shows signs in some areas but not in others. As they pointed out, they are not qualified to make a diagnosis.

Its not easy, just wanted to say you're not the only one going through this.

[SueW]

Tooticky - we got a No letter this morning.

[Filchymindedvixen]

sorry to hear that SueW. She did well to get audition though, no?

[TooTicky]

Thanks everybody for your replies. It really helps to hear your stories and advice.

I have utmost respect for the headmaster btw.

Oh, SueW, ours was a no too. How is your dd? Mine took it v. hard. She'd been hoping it would win her some friends

[FillydoraTonks]

aw tt about this thread and the no letter.

Dunno what to say really, I know you have seen this as a possibility for a while, and I think its worth satisfying yourself that a dx will actually make a difference. It could mean finance for support-but does she need that?

Is it possible that she is just SHY (not a good word, but you know what I mean) and needs space and time? I do feel very strongly that we are very impatient with shy kids. We don't like shyness. We see social maladeptness, especially in kids, as a Bad Thing. But really, it can be on the spectrum of normal human behaviour. Also 10 is a hard, awkward age.

It must be very hard to separate out problems caused by what sounds like a really quite nasty yeargroup and what might be an underlying tendancy toward this.

If it helps at all, dp is alarmingly bright, oxford first in maths etc. He always has been. He has also always been quite socially awkward. But he is emphatically NOT on the autistic spectrum. He is just shy and clever. He went to a public school on a scholarship, and while he and I like to be vehemantly anti public schools etc etc, I think had he not been able to mix with kids as bright as him he would have had an utterly miserable adolescence. The smoking and drinking and all the rest of the crap that I got up to would have mightily distressed him, I think . And tbh thats fine, thats who he is, and as a result he is a really lovely, caring, adult.

(I am suggesting there is nothing wrong or that you are upset about nothing. I don't really know what I am talking about here anyway. Best of luck)

[Peachy]

DS1 ahs a dx of HFA / S and he knows that, we are not a family for secrets anyhow and i felt it as important to include him. It seems to ahev been the right decisiona s recently as fellow pupil said tot he class (bearing in mind ds1 ahs 1 - 1 sometimes so it stands out) @X was good in the playground today Mis,,even if he has problems'

DS1: I do not haveblems. My brain runs on Mac whilst yours all runs on Windowws, that's all





Seriosuly I would see a paed. Waiting for a dx can take a long time- ds3 is in the system for very amrked problems (delay of 18 months - 2 years plus severe language disorders), he is 4 and the Paed says she is still a year or so away from a DX. he's been in the system a year almost.

[FillydoraTonks]

god that is crap peachy. esp with a sibling with a dx, surely they should rush it through?

round here it used to be quite hard to get a dx. There was one woman in particular, who refused to diagnose anything on the autism spectrum if a kid made eye contact with her. So I had one kid whose mother had, painstakingly, taught him to make eye contact. Among a lot of other things (she had grown up with an autistic father and brother and was really on the ball). Result was no dx, until she fought for a second opinion.

But of course, no dx = no statement = no support in school = no dla etc.

[Peachy]

(Filly your DP sounds a bit like me (I won't get a first probably just miss it but hey I ahve LOTS of other stuff LOL), I probably am AS but am too old and adjusted as well as I can be now to take it further so i just say I am shy and only my close family can tell the difference- oh unless I have an obsession going which can be really emabarassing)

[Peachy]

Actually ds3 was offered a statement this week, but a bullshit one- 10 hours for a child still in nappies (we'd ahve to go in to change him), can't change for PE (he'd have to go in pe kit in the winter) and no language - guess what, I said no LOL

DLA in process, but Paed is backing it and is prepared to say either SLD or ASD depending on further assessments

[SueW]

Tooticky - sorry to hear your DD has taken it badly. DD is feeling quite relieved and absolutely agreed with what was in the letter about not having to work over the school holidays.

They spelt her name wrongly on the certificate but I'm more bothered about that than she is.

Perhaps you could reassure your DD that people who are 'famous' don't necessarily win friends through it and sometimes the friends they gain are not the type they want to stick around.

[harro39]

Tooticky - hi, you must be feeling a real mixture of stuff at the moment. Sometimes diagnosis can help the child realise there is a reason why they have the problems they do and that they are not alone.
If she is struggling with social skills and school are being supportive then they could start doing some social skills groups with her and some suitably picked children some who need help and some who can act as role models. Winslow catalogue has some brilliant resources - school may have it or can just google it. Very good resource which is easy to use is socially speaking book and game. If your area has an autism outreach team school could also contact them for advice on setting up social skills groups which are for all children who are finding this difficult for whatever reason and fits in with the SEAL curriculum which a lot of schools do.
Hope she gets over the mastermind disappointment soon.

[FillydoraTonks]

Ticky, have had a thought. Do you have a national association of gifted children branch nearby? I went to this as a child, it was actually very good. There must be SOME gifted children matching service, surely?

Peachy can I say something re the just missing first? NOw aside from the fact that I know you are probably not tempting fate...IME it is a LOT harder to get a first in an essay based course-I mean one where you are assessed on lots of writing. I am really finding with the stuff I am doing now, my marks for maths, physics etc are reliably MUCH higher than the essay based stuff (like I get near 100% on fact based stuff and 2.1s on essays, despite the fact that I am doing 2nd year maths and first year biochemistry). Incidentally, I would say my understanding of chemistry and pos biology is MUCH greater. I remember this from my first degree also-most people do get 2.1s on essay questions, its a normaliser. And there was much more homogeneity of marks, esp fewer firsts and also fewer 2.2s in essay based courses.

I really hate the way that in any essay based subject your marks WILL be dependent on the examiner, on how well you express yourself, etc. The latter can be an important skill, but I don't think its a great method of assessing what you know.

[TooTicky]

Peachy, I LOVE the Mac/Windows comment!
But what is HFA/S? I am new to all this.

Filly, she is shy, but maybe it goes further than shy. I mean, if somebody she doesn't know well talks to her or asks her a question, she will grunt, frown and turn away because she just cannot deal with it. I am a bit worried that a dx might provide her with an excuse to be rude. Because I don't know how much she is able to control it. Sometimes I just want to scream MAKE AN EFFORT! But I think there are people she would get on better with - somewhere!
The whole school/friends thing is so complicated. Yes, she is awkward. Yes, she can be rude and controlling. But people have been horrid to her too. Yesterday, despite recent team-building and apparent progress nasty girl #1 said, "We can't be your friends because we hate you." And when she snaps her fingers, the other girls jump.
Also, dd1 has different interests. She has tried to watch Eastenders and Big Brother, but they just bore her silly.

harro39, thanks. The headmaster has been really trying to help with the social thing and integrate all the girls, but to add to the problem there is one girl who does not ususlly "allow" the others to speak to my dd. When she is absent, my dd has friends - although this does sometimes fall through.
Winslow catalogue sounds interesting.

I'm scared of the system really, and scared of labelling. Worried that if we get a dx, she will feel it's not worth trying friendswise. Wondering where it stops? Ds2 has had big speech and language problems, has quirks to his behaviour... and then there's my mum...

Congratulations to anybody who has made it through this rather excessive post!

[cornsilk]

I was told that my ds had as tendencies and he fell into the 'high risk' group when assessed by ed psych, but last year he made massive progress. He still has days when he is off the wall, but generally he is doing OK. Try not to worry too much, lots of people have 'mild' AS symptoms and function really well in society.

[TooTicky]

Thank you