Starting to get worried about my DS (3.2), speech etc

[Novacane]

As the title says I'm starting to get worried about my 3.2yo DS.
I have yet to hold a proper conversation with him. He is the most happy smily and contented little boy but i'm starting to think something isn't quite right.
He doesn't seem to 'get' conversation, ie you will ask him something and he has no idea that he has to answer you. It's the same with choices, he doesn't get them either.
He does understand a lot of what we say, but his range of answers are limited. For ex, i have just said 'time for bathtime with Daddy', and he says 'not again'. This is his standard response for something negative. He will follow simple instructions, and more complex ones if it is something he wants!!!

He doesn't seem to understand reasoning though at all. He repeats things off the telly, not obsseively, but it is noticable, and will talk to 'Peppa and George' all day long, although he does use this in context of the situation that is happening at the time.

We have got no where with potty training, he is just not interested.

My DP is worried about autism, but I'm not sure, he is so happy, smily, he has a great imagination, doesn't really have any routines apart from bedtime, is laidback generally (except tantrums), and is sympathetic to peoples feelings (if he sees me cry he will cry, it upsets him)

It's just the communication thing. He has started to say 'Mummy?' in that questioning tone, but when i say 'yes darling?', he doesn't know how to respond.

I am beating myself up as I think it maybe something I have done wrong, The speech therapist says he is fine (after a 10 min drop in session), but I've been patient for ages waiting for him to come on and its not really happening.

Any thought ideas or experience? Feel very alone with it all....

[bozzy]

Novacane, I have made a v similar posting a couple of days ago! My DS will be 4 in august and supposed to start school but we have decided to request to defer him Mine too is a happy, smiley contented little boy. We moved overseas from london a year ago and whenever I go back to london i end up comparing him to his friends. It is more noticable now - the nursery teacher says that he has problems "relating" - eg when I asked if he would like honey or vegemite on his toast, he would just repeat it. I started getting frustrated but everyday I would ask the same question, holding one jar up and then the other - now he understands what I mean. Teacher told me to make sure you get eye contact with him when you speak with him, and when you see something that he is interested in (eg trains) start talking to him. I am also going to see a speech therapist, mainly to learn how to bring on his speech. My boss said her husband (whose parents were both teachers) didn't speak until he was 7! So I am remaining positive - so should you. My DS is improving day by day - the more anxious you are, the more he will pick up...(say I!!!)

[mummytosteven]

I agree with KT about getting your DS seen. If it's hard to speak to your HV, go to your GP instead, they can also refer to a paediatrician. If the waiting list is very long for speech therapy, then I would suggest:
1)if you can afford it, private SALT (£100 to £150) for someone to come and see him and assess him write a report for you and giver you advise about how to help improve his language
2)find out if your local SALT department or Surestart Centre does a Hanen course (or similar course to help parents aid their child's communication
3)if you can't do a course get hold of one of the Hanen books (Hanen is a canadian organisation specialising in helping kids communication). I would recommend "You make the difference" (about £13 on amazon/ebay or "It takes two to talk" (about £30 on ebay).The books are full of practical advice.
4)try and use gesture and photos to explain things as well as words - as visual clues help understanding, and help children remember new words better - Sing and Sign DVD is pretty good for that as well.
4)you can order a free for postage DVD from the ican website called Chatter Matters which is about helping kids to talk (well it's worth 49p!).
5)you might find www.ican.org.uk and www.afasic.org.uk useful to look at.

DS is 3.4 very similar to your DS, I'm anxiously waiting for

[KTNoo]

Hi again,

I do think that because you're worried it's worth getting an assessment, definitely of speech and language skills and maybe of overall development too. Lots of children are referred for developmental assessments but only some need intervention afterwards. A lot would just be reviewed periodically to check that they are progressing. That's what these professionals are there for so don't feel as if you're making a fuss about nothing.

If your Mum's anything like mine she does have to a tendency to head-in-the-sand positivity. I'm not saying there IS a problem as obviously it's impossible to say without seeing your ds. Maybe it's a generational thing as my Mum's also always going on about how I was out of nappies by 2 whereas my ds was 3. I do think there's a lot of pressure in the UK about potty training, but that's another thread. I live in another country where starting at around 3 is the norm, so a lot of it's down to culture. I wouldn't worry about the potty training too much or compare with peers - it will happen at some point.

[Novacane]

Hello guys,

Well i've spoken to my Mum about it who thinks theres 'nowt wrong with him', but when I explained that it can only help she agreed that if he needed any extra help it would be good to get it. She did however think he is late potty training.

So i've tried to call the HV and they are not there till tommorow.

One interesting thing that Mum did say was that she asked him if he wanted a banana or something the other day and he just ignored her, so she said in exactly the same tone of voice 'ooo i'd really love a kiss you know' and he went straight up to her and gave her a kiss. Mum seems to think he's being selective and only answering things he wants to, not that he doesn't understand social interaction. Or maybe it's my Mum just trying to make me feel better. hmm.

Now i've admitted there might be a problem i'm bloody over analysing everything again and its whirring round in my head, one second thinking 'ohh he said that. hes ok' or 'oh bloody hell hes talking in thomas land again, there must be something wrong'. It's soo exhausting.

[coppertop]

If you are still wondering whether it might be autism then this site has been recommended on here before. It looks at things like 'red flags' for autism and developmental issues.

I honestly couldn't say whether or not your ds has autism but would say that it might be a good idea to get an assessment, even if only to put your mind at rest. (I have 2 boys with autism).

[Aefondkiss]

I too have been in denial about ds, feel so defensive of him... so hopeful that he is a late talker and then like you say Nova, I see children his age and younger so much more able to communicate and socialise.... makes me sad...

Is your DS your first child?

[suezee]

hi novacane the best thing i can advise you to do is to contact the health visitor and ask can they come and give ur ds an assesment......i had one for my daughter and its really fun thing for them to do so they have no clue about anything.

[Novacane]

Thankyou for all your replies.

I remember being very worried at around 16-18mths, he didnt point and other subtle things that i can't remember now, but as he caught up my worries went away to some extent. I am by nature very anxious and I really have to force myself not to obsess over things.

Since then I have had these fears locked up and have been defensive about them when my DP has tried to discuss it with me.

I've just waited and waited for things to change and finally realised over the past few days that time is ticking on and other kids his age are so much more communicative.

He walked at 10mths and has always been physically advanced, and people just kept saying 'early walkers, late talkers'....

[luckylady74]

hi novacane, i'm sorry you are so worried, my ds1 was dx with asperger's sydrome when he was 3 and tbh he doesn't sound very different from your son - we called my ds1 'smiler' when he was little, played 'imaginative' games with trains, confused language and so on. however, i'm no expert and your gp will refer you to a paed who will help you - it may be nothing of the sort. we saw salts before his dx and they were unhelpful - they couldn't dx autism and were confused by his lack of progress. we now see a salt who has experience in this area and it's fine.
i'm sorry that this sounds grim, but your concerns are genuine and need addressing by an expert - and whatever happens please remember that your ds is charming by the sound of it and he will be the same little boy whatever the dx -i just feel much better equipped to help my ds1 now i know.

[Aefondkiss]

hello novacane... you have my sympathy, you could be describing my ds, who turned 3 in May... the repeating phrases from things he loves.... the generally loving wee boy,.

the difference is we have been pursued by the hv's, salt(who hasn't done much but observe him, for one hour or more about 3/4 times since last october)... SALT have referred ds to paediatrician, who we'll see next month...

we are on the 2nd day of trying to start potty training(it is hell, he has no interest, but we are trying)

the worry about my ds speech comes and goes, like your ds he does not try and hold a conversation, never asks why, is very hard to get an answer from if we ask him a question, he has started saying "not" when I say tiem for a bath he says "not time for a bath"...I have never heard him say yes....

my ds also has a lot of "jargon"(like babbling where he is trying to communicate but isn't saying anything we understand)

some positive things I hold onto are that his speech is always improving(just much more painfully slower than his peers)...

I think you need to get in touch with your hv and gp - if you are worried that starts the process off I think... sorry I couldn't think of anything more positive to say, a grim day potty training has me feeling slightly defeated at the moment...

[KTNoo]

Oh you do seem so worried - I really feel for you. I am a SALT although not currently working. Obviously I can't comment specifically on your ds but I will say that when parents were worried I took it seriously. There ARE children who are just late talkers and that's all it may be. But because you are worried I would say definitely get back to the SLT you saw and ask for a more thorough assessment. Don't feel bad about pushing for this. Even if it just puts your mind at rest. You seem to have a good understanding of what he can and can't do - you've done nothing wrong! Has his overall development been assessed recently, aside from his language? It might be worth getting a better picture of how his language development compares to other areas. Hope this helps.