This is a “I lost my temper and now I feel guilty” thread.
Tonight was about the 3rd time in my parenting life I’ve become genuinely angry and shouted repeatedly and all 3 times were in the last few months.
My daughter (4) is very very strong willed. She is also bright and funny and full of boundless energy.
I think mischievous is the best way to describe her behaviour as she is not being maliciously naughty as such, she just wants to have fun, make people laugh and really enjoys winding people up. She reminds me almost exactly of my brothers who are both still like that now, bloody annoying wind up merchants but funny and loveable with it.
For the most part I am a calm, fun mummy but my patience for her cheeky behaviour is rapidly wearing thin. I’m pretty certain that most of the time she is refusing to do what she is told purely because she thinks it’s funny to see me get frustrated.
So today she has refused to eat anything of any substance all day and I was determined to get something decent inside her before bed, even if it was just one portion of fruit. She agreed (after much negotiation) to scrambled egg.
Great, eggs are protein, healthy fat, small manageable portion and easy to eat. Simple enough right?
No.
The egg was refused after 1 mouthful. I became irritated by this because a) she agreed to the egg b) she had eaten virtually nothing all day c) she wanted chocolate instead d) she simply wasn’t doing what she was told...I.e. “just eat the egg”.
This happens a lot. She refuses one thing until we offer her something else, then she eats a tiny bit of that, then wants something else. Repeat this to the power of infinity. It’s something we decided we would crack down on in 2019.
Anyway, with this good intention in mind, I explained clearly why she needed to eat something healthy. Why it’s important to eat healthy food be able to run and jump and play, and be good at party games etc (you know, all the appropriate incentives). But no joy. So after what felt like 30 minutes of fruitless bargaining I decided to play hard ball and told her that we would not be leaving the table until the egg was eaten, no matter how long it took.
(This is a technique I’ve always vowed not to use in the past as I don’t want her developing an issue with food).
She dug her heels in. She is VERY good at sticking to her ground.
My temper grew and grew and I basically became furious and shouted at her until, finally, the egg was eaten. She was very upset and crying. It was horrible. We both calmed down. I apologised for getting so angry. I explained why I felt angry and how I wish she would just do what she was told. We had lots of cuddles and in the end she went to bed happy.
I now feel absolutely wracked with guilt. I think I scared her, and why? Over an egg. And because she wouldn’t do as she was told. What a stupid thing for me to lose the plot about, of all the bloody things.
I know I stepped over the line allowing my anger to take over but, genuinely, I don’t know how to tackle this kind of situation. She simply doesn’t listen to threats or care even when the consequences for her get quite bad.... one time we put ALL her toys in the shed and she had to earn them back one by one. He reaction to this was.... and I quite “I don’t care if I don’t have any toys, I don’t like them anyway, don’t forget to put my dolly in the shed too Mummy”.
She slowly earned her toys back over 6 months.
My mum would have just screamed at me and smacked me. I don’t ever smack but I feel I’m starting to revert to the only type of discipline I’ve experienced..... anger and shouting. It seems to be the only thing that hits home.
There must be a better way?? I can’t work out if I’m being overly strict and expecting too much, or far too soft and need to toughen up. Or perhaps simply too inconsistent?
How do you make a 4 year old do what she is told?
I have tried the naughty step.... she just gets up and walks off laughing “I can easily get off the step mummy”, so other than forcing her with my hands to sit on it, she doesn’t stay on it.
Any advice???
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Behaviour/development
Tonight I flipped out and now feel very guilty.... how can I rectify it? And prevent things escalating again?
9 replies
cavycavy · 29/12/2018 23:09
OP posts:
FissionChips ·
30/12/2018 00:33
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