DS 14 months screams when he sees his grandparents.

[monkey32]

I am feeling really upset because my son screams as soon as he sees my parents. And I mean really SCREAMS. He is absolutely fine with absolutely everyone else. It's just my parents. I wonder if he has bad association after being left with them? They looked after him when we went away for 2 nights but 3 days when he was 9 months old. The only problem with that as an answer is that he's been left with other people and has been absolutely fine. Perhaps it's because he was fairly young? He had been left before then but only for 1 night. I am finding it so difficult as it's obviously upsetting my parents too. Any explanation or advice would be most welcome.

[monkey32]

ggirl - that was great to read. As you say, my mother is dreadfully hurt but also somehow managing to make me feel as though it's my fault. She says I pick him up too quickly but it's quite tricky to explain that she's the only person he does his hysterics act to!

Your previous thread had me in absolute stitches (I'm sure there is an acronym for that but I'm not very good at that stuff). Loved the bit about horns coming out of heads. DS thought I was laughing at his obsessive door opening and closing! He's now shut himself out of the room which means a few minutes peace for me. Bliss... Don't report me to social services though - I'll let him back in soon!

[monkey32]

princessmel - that is all good advice, particularly the bit about DS seeing them as one of 'us' rather than those bl**dy scary weirdos I subject him to on occasion! I don't think it helps that he doesn't see them very often (they are away a lot) and they do exactly what you say - coo in his face as soon as they open the door. I'm going to have to be brave and tell them what is the best way to act with him (I'm not very good at telling them what to do - still very much their daughter rather than an adult and a mother in my own right!)

[brimfull]

My ds developed the same fear.I started a thread here .He is fine now so it will get better.
I do know how difficult and hurtful it can be.My parents live in Canada and my ds was terrified of them when they visited.My mother was dreadfullly hurt although she knew it wasn't really to do with her.
Patience and time is all I can suggest and a little bit of cupboard love might help.My mum used to bribe ds with choc buttons.
We are going to se my parents in a few weeks and I'm really hoping he's completely over his awkwardness with them now.

[princessmel]

Sorry crap grammer and spelling.
They'd come here and come out with us and everything.

[princessmel]

My dd cried whenever we went to my parents for ages. For most of her first year ( once she was noticing people)I think.
She would be ok after about 45 mins but if it was just a quick visit it would be time to go by then! It was odd as we live round the corner and see them a lot. And they'd come her and come out with us everything. I'd never left her there either. probably because of this.
She did get better. Now she doesn't cry but is still a bit unsure. She was like it with the inlaws too. ds was the complete opposite. Obsessed with nanny and grandad.
She was not like it with my sister though or my friends.

The only reason we could think of was that my parents are very loud and outgoing (like me) and she is quite shy. It was probably too much for her!! And too noisy when we all get together. And the reason for the inlaws was (I think) that they would try and hold her as soon as we arrived and be cooing right in her face. We'd tell them to hold back and they did get the message in the end...

Try going out somewhere and letting them come in your car with you. I found that helped a bit. It helped her to see them as 'one of us' not a stranger. And they came to things like tumble tots with us individually.

HTH

[monkey32]

thanks whomovedmychocolate - that's a good plan. I think building up his confidence is what's it's all about. My instinct reaction is just not to see them, but that's silly as it would upset me and them and the problem isn't just going to go away. Time to be brave!

[monkey32]

Pigleto, it's interesting that you say that. The only other 'wrinklies' he sees are DH's parents, and them not very often either and generally with lots of cousins around (he has 10 on that side). I was wondering if he might be scared of my father's height and white hair (he seems more scared of my father than my mother). I mention the height because DH isn't that tall.

[pigleto]

Both my children were scared of old people at that age (wrinklies). Does he know any other old people?

[whomovedmychocolate]

Yep. Make sure they help with something fun like go on the swings with you still in sight too. Build up his confidence in them. DD was like this with my parents for a bit but we just spent a week with them and after a few hours at the zoo together she was fine. Good luck

[monkey32]

That's a good idea. I think perhaps going out to lunch rather than over to their house would be a good plan as he might feel less that he was going to be left.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Perhaps he thinks you are going away when he sees them? Could you try going out as a group with them in the background so he gets to see them but not interact with them with you there?