2 1/2 year old biting 4 month old baby sister

[Helb82]

My daughter (first child) will be three in November and is very willful and defiant at the moment. I understand that this is normal behavior for her age and am trying to be patient. However, since her sister was born in May, she has been very violent towards her and regularly takes any opportunity when I'm not looking to bite her (she doesn't bite any other children). I guess the reason she does this is that she is jealous and feeling displaced but I can't do more to make her feel loved. My husband works long hours so it is mostly just me and the girls. This means finding time for alone time with her is hard. I try to give her as much attention as possible, but the fact is I can't possibly give her the constant attention she had before her sister was born. At the moment, when she bites we try to keep calm and send her to her room, explaining that "biting hurts" and "we do not bite". However, this is having no effect. I've tried asked why she does it but she can't offer any explanation-i think she's still too young. Please does anyone have any more ideas?

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

I imagine sending her to her room will make her feel even more displaced? She's being forced away from you in favour of the baby and to her it seems you will literally walk away from her when the going gets tough.

Of course you need to remove her from the situation (across the room for a chat?) and try not to give extra attention to only negative behaviors. It's hard!

Would a playpen be an option? Just a small barrier between them when you can't be right there? Slow the toddler down at least.

As you said, this age is notorious for bad toddler behaviour and often suddenly gets better when they turn 3.

I'm going through aomw sibling rivalry with my 3yo right now. Reassurance from the second he wakes up and as much one on one time as possible are the only things that seem to work. That and the 6-1 rule. 6 compliments to every criticism. When you spend all day trying to stop a toddler hurting a baby (even by accident) this means you're criticizing constantly. So compliment all day every good behaviour you see.

[graphista]

As a former nanny I'd say keep it very simple. Remove and a very firm 'no!' she is too young to empathise properly yet. Any way someone else could have baby sometimes for you to have 1-1 with daughter? Yes probably jealousy very common. It won't last.

[sambababy]

I'm sorry you haven't had any replies! And surprised. I read it to see what the advice was as I can really only offer solidarity. My 2.5 DD has been really testing since 4mo DS was born. We don't have biting but some rather aggressive squeezing I think with biting i would be very firm but it's so hard. They are clearly craving attention but like you say, you can't give them your undivided attention anymore. I'm just hoping it's a phase they grow out of soon and muddling through as best I can. Good luck!