8 month old lazy and whingy

[BabyBobbins32]

Hi All, just after some advice, and to have a bit of a rant...My 8 month old has got really whingy and moody. She also seems to be way behind her peers development wise, I spoke to HV and they said not to worry yet but I can't help it. She sits up but that's about it, she doesn't roll over, she doesn't crawl, she doesn't really stand ( will occasionally but not for long and not very well) she pushes up in her arms when on belly but mostly just does swimming motion. She babbles a lot but doesn't say any words yet. We go to a baby class every week and recently she just cries through the entire thing. I'm worried I'm stopping her developing somehow, like I'm overprotective as ftm. I've always given her lots of tummy time but she's is hating it more and more. She just wants to be picked up and carried all the time, I try not to too much but sometimes when she is bawling huge tears I don't know what else to do. Any advice on how to help her develop, where I might be going wrong, how to stop the whinging would be good. She does have a lovely happy side and gives me lots of smiles and giggles but when with other people (or sometimes for seemingly no reason) she is really grumpy. A lot of my postnatal friends call her the grumpy one which is a by upsetting as she can be so lovely and happy. Sorry or the rant just feeling a bit upset about it, just want her to be happy. Thanks

[Mrscog]

Fergusons advice above is all really good, but don't be disheartened if it doesn't 'work'. I'm only saying this because my DS1 was a proper reserved little thing - he showed very little interest in anything much unless he'd chosen it, and was at the slower end of normal development - had no interest at looking at stuff that I showed him, didn't listen to books until much nearer 2, didn't watch TV etc. etc. I used to feel as though I was failing because he only ever wanted to do what he wanted to do right then, and he would not practice/do developments until he was ready - he definitely could have walked before 18 months but he just didn't want to.

However, he is nearly 4 now and I can see it was his personality - he's reserved, he only does stuff once he knows he can do it, and he is the most stubborn person I've ever met - if he doesn't want to do something he's not doing it for love nor money. He is however completely normal, and the development stuff just all caught up - you can't tell now when he's playing races with friends that he didn't walk, or that he only had 4 words until 18 months, or that he didn't really do the baby stuff of being pleased to see things people were showing him.

[Ferguson]

Yes - I was going to suggest dropping the group, for a while, if not enjoying it.

Take her to the park as much as you can (weather permitting!) and look at trees, birds, animals, and there should be plenty of flowers opening now. When our DS was little he loved to watch a little stream that ran nearby.

What dolls, teddies, toys etc has she got? Share activities with her, also Duplo, shape-sorting and large-piece jigsaw puzzles. Not TO MUCH screen time, but if watching TV, share it with her, talk about things, characters, settings, etc.

Read to her a lot, share books with her, show her the pictures, and let her handle board-books or textured books. Don't have too many electronic toys that need batteries (bad for the environment, and they make nasty noises!)

Pull-along toys are good; attach a very long piece of cord, and pass it around a secure table or chair. Then, as she pulls the cord, the toy will go AWAY from her. Let her listen to SUITABLE music, and join in with 'domestic percussion' (pans and wooden spoon), or buy her bells, tambourine, little drum, etc.

[BabyBobbins32]

Thanks ladies...maybe it is just their interpretation...my little one babbles mama mama and dadadada but I pretty sure it's just sounds rather than me and hubby ha!x

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

I agree ShesGotLions - I would take things like this with a pinch of salt

[BabyBobbins32]

Started weaning at 6 months, she didn't take to it too well to start with but now loves it. On 3 meals a day and I've recently added snacks too as she seems so hungry. Still has 4 breastfeed a day and is gaining weight brilliantly so no worries there.
Thanks

[Eminado]

Oh good at least you have things to try.

I used to leave an old mobile a little distance away from my dd and that was a good crawling motivator. She is still obsessed with my phone .

I hate competitive parenting, it's so unnecessary and a bit pathetic.

Give your baby a big cuddle and smile and nod with the racing mums.

[ShesGotLionsInHerHeart]

I think the thing to remember is that your friends may tell you that they are calling out 'Mama' or whatever but more than likely it's a babbling sound that they are interpreting.

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

None of my babies were moving at that age, and none of them were talking either. Not even dc2 who was chatty from a very young age. Dc3 was only just sitting at 8mo iirc.

Sounds like she's sleeping really well! How's she getting on with food?

My guess would be this is either separation anxiety or teeth or both. Either way, give her lots of cuddles.

[Floowho]

It does get really competitive with children, and unfortunately doesn't stop. Do enjoy her for who she is. Some children are just happier being held and sitting on a lap, while others disappear and run off and play happily.

[BabyBobbins32]

Thanks for that Google passage Eminado... Really helps x

[BabyBobbins32]

Thanks Eminado...yes I do think she could be teething, didn't think of the toy refresh...might try that! She is desperate to move I think but not really progressed on that since she was 6 months, still just pushing up on arms, not raised belly yet. I guess I need to stop worrying and comparing.

In terms of the mum/dad thing...unless they are lying to me some of the babies are def saying mum/dad (or mumma/dada) they apparently call out for them in the morning. I'm certainly not expecting that from my little one yet ha, but was just saying it's another thing I hear other babies are doing.

Sorry for my rant, as I said, I'm just a big fat worrier!

[Eminado]

This has really bothered me so quick google of "baby devt 8 months
===>

"
Babies are so different in what they can do at this age. It’s easy to worry you’re surrounded by baby Einsteins and get a bout of baby development anxiety. Your baby may already be saying ‘mama’ and ‘dada’, or they may be just baby-babbling. Either is fine: the key is to keep talking to them, don’t get anxious and they will talk in their own good time. It’s the same story with moving: for some babies, crawling is seriously yesterday’s news and they’re already pulling themselves up to standing. Others are still sitting happily and showing little inclination to move at all. Again, don’t panic – they’ll do it when they’re ready."

[P1nkP0ppy]

Poor little sausage being labelled the grumpy one by your postnatal 'friends' 😡

Enjoy her for what she is doing; babies develop at wildly different rates, my dd walked at 9 months, never crawled, DS crawled until he was 18 months when he suddenly stood up and ran!

Did babled, DS shouted, they were like chalk and cheese development-wise.

Give her plenty of love and cuddles, she'll be fine.

[Eminado]

I think this age is prime for sep anxiety if i remember correctly.

Is she teething?

Trying to master a new skill?

Ready for a toy "refresh"?

All of the above could cause "whingeing"

[ShesGotLionsInHerHeart]

Sorry but there's no way babies of 8 months or younger are saying Mummy and Daddy. They may be crawling or standing for a minute whilst holding on to something but even then most babies won't be doing that.

[BabyBobbins32]

Thanks. Please don't think I'm "expecting" her to do anything, she is amazing and I adore her. I think it's the judgement from other people that is making me worry. Also, I always pick her up and comfort her but was just worried that was the wrong thing to do, so thanks for reassurance that it's not. I think I may stop going to the class as neither of us seem to enjoy it anymore! When she's at home with me she is usually really happy and chatty so hopefully as she gets older that will show when she's out and meets other children too. Sorry for rant...I'm a terrible worrier!x

[FATEdestiny]

how to stop the whinging

Hmm, if it's not sleep then is it hunger/thirst? How is weaning going? Is she getting plenty of solids, enough water and milk?

I would be worried about a baby who whinges constantly unless it has an identifiable reason. Usually that's tired or hungry.

[StrumpersPlunkett]

Not sure if this will help but it honestly does make a difference that she is your first.
Not because of anything that you are or aren't doing but because in a few years time you will have the benefit of hindsight to say ah she was slower at this but could do cartwheels at playtime when all the other children were still dribbling in the corner.

It is so scarey being the main carer for a baby it all seems so loose and unknown. But the honest reality is that the vast majority of children fit into the boundaries of normal development.

Be kind to yourself, cuddle her when she wants, and Teflon coat yourself against other people's opinions. For some reason it seems to be acceptable to make comments about other children.
As a parting comment. My target for the boys walking was the latest person I knew which was 20 months so was delighted when ds2 did it at 14 months.

[Eminado]

Wow.
I wont bother mention the "lazy" thing as
other's have already.
I think your expectations are completely unrealistic and rather than comparing with other random babies you should read up on baby development yourself.
My dd never rolled, crawled at 7 months (average in our nct group), walked at 10 months or so (bit early in nct group), talked nearer 1 (really cant remember) - basically - all babies are different. My sister never crawled. My nct buddy's baby was totally immobile until 22 months then just walked....
I think you need to be a bit more positive about your baby! It's not a race.

Please try to be her no 1 supporter not calling her "lazy" etc.

[BabyBobbins32]

Hi, thanks...Yes, she is sleeping pretty well, has a 1.5hr nap in morning and another 1.5hrs after lunch. She has just dropped afternoon 30mins, just refuses to take it now so don't bother. She goes to bed about 6.30/7 and sleeps through (usually!) til about. 6.30/7. She does seem tired a lot but won't take more sleep/ naps than that so guess that's right amount for her.

[flanjabelle]

Never feel like you shouldn't pick up your baby. I'm not sure where you have got the idea that you shouldn't, but babies need to be held! The more comfort and reassurance you offer, the quicker they move through these clingy phases. To be honest I judge the mums who leave their little babies to cry when they just want a cuddle! Snuggle your baby, let her learn at her own pace, and stop criticising yourself so harshly. I'm sure she is absolutely gorgeous, just enjoy her.

[FATEdestiny]

how to stop the whinging would be good

BabyBobbins32 - is she getting enough sleep?

I would be expecting two longer (1-2h naps) in the morning an lunchtime, plus maybe a teatime shorter powernap at 8 months old. That is assuming 11-12 hours sleep at night. If she's getting less night time sleep then she may need more naps in the daytime.

[BabyBobbins32]

I realise the word lazy was a bit harsh...that was actually HV words not mine. I know I shouldn't compare but the other babies in our group (same age or younger) are all crawling, saying momma, daddy, standing etc...People also keep saying to me oh is she crawling yet, rolling over yet, saying mum/dad yet? And I also just feel judged when she cries through whole class and I'm picking her up to comfort her. Thanks for reassurance that she sounds like developing ok. Guess it's my issue not hers x

[AliMonkey]

She sounds perfectly normal to me. I don't think you can call an 8 month old lazy, just developing at her own pace. DD never crawled, just stayed where she was until about 12 months, then bum shuffled a bit then walked at 16 months. DS crawled around 14 months and walked at 19 months. Neither talked at all until past 18 months. Both perfectly normal now with no related issues. Most babies don't talk until about 12 months and certainly talking at 8 months is unusual. In my experience if they start later than normal they then just get going faster and catch up within a few months - although obviously not always the case.

Reduce your expectations and be grateful that she stays where she is left - much easier than when they are mobile but have no sense of danger.

[Mrscog]

Your expectations are wayyy too high - first words only usually come after 1. Enjoy the lack of movement, my DC1 didn't crawl until 12 months, it was bliss I could leave him sat amongst toys and do stuff. DC2 has been crawling since 6 months and it's a nightmare keeping him safe!