My just 8yo is a lovely girl. She is absolutely perfectly behaved with everyone else but me. With me, she can also be well behaved and lovely but always has pushed every limit all the time over all the everyday things. An example would be bedtimes. Whereas with her younger brother I will have a variety of reactions to bedtime (pushing his luck, arguing, wanting to go, asking to go, being conspicuously a good boy) she will argue the toss every single time to the point at which I have to carry through with a consequence e.g. no story. She has got better in that in the past this would then explode into a full scale tantrum and now I get a bit of a strop and then we can talk about it. She knows exactly what she is doing and we can talk about it on that level but she doesn't know how to stop herself doing it and neither do I. We both get quite upset about this at times.
I have started to be a lot more careful about following through consequences quite swiftly rather than giving her more chances, and about keeping my cool with her, praising her when she does well and talking things through with her.
However, her birthday party today was another example. She has always been horrible after her party. She recognises it. She is cheeky and disrespectful and disobedient. She knows it, I know it. She takes the consequences. Nothing helps. I ended up saying today that I will think again about a party next year if this is the thanks I get. Crap of me I know. A consequence a year in advance. Sheesh. Just quite pointless and mean of me to say.
She did say sorry and then told me that she didn't know why she behaves like that and then this, which has quite upset me and is why I am writing this: that she doesn't understand why she can't just enjoy our time together, that she loves me more than anyone, and that one day she knows it will be over (when she is an adult) and she gets angry at herself for messing things up but she can't help it.
This sounds so awful to me and I am worried about her feeling so bad about herself at such a young age. DH says it is just because I am the focus of all her attention and that I don't do anything wrong, but I can't help feeling it should be better than this.
Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.
Behaviour/development
Does anyone else have a child who ALWAYS pushes the line?
margaritasbythesea · 10/01/2016 22:34
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
She's going to turn into an amazing and wonderful young woman mine did just don't let anyone crush her spirit 
Lighteninggirl my next door neighbour also came round due to dds screaming because I put her on time out. The bathroom window was open and she was screaming 'i want my mummy!' Over and over. The bathroom window next to her room was open. He's a policeman 
. Fortunately his wife is a primary school teacher and understood.
Thank you for your responses. It is nice to know it is not just me being a crap parent to her. DS seems like a doddle in comparison and, like fitforflighting said he has an off switch and knows when he has overstepped and backs down, or at least goes off by himself and sorts himself out. I couldn't believe it the first time he came and said sorry for being naughty. I had never had anything like that off DD. It often seems like any attempt to 'stop' DD just gets her more determined to do... I don't even know quite what it is she is aiming for but any intervention just makes it worse - like an itch she has to scratch.
Anyway, we got through today with only one set of tears, which was blood miraculous as she was tired from the party. I think your encouragement helped me keep a level head so thanks
I was thinking after I posted that of another time I had taken myself to another room to calm down, as you're supposed to do. I told herI was not going to move for five minutes - manner of speaking- A friend popped by and knocked the window instead of ronging in case baby ds was napping. Dd appeared at said window screaming, ' Mummy's not moving! Mummy's not moving!' I have never moved so fast!
Another one here with an 8, almost 9yo fire cracker .
She was an easy baby but once she hit 18 months, and could talk, she's beem....difficult, shall we say! Horrific tantrums, pushing every boundary, not in the least bit bothered about concequences. We tried them all, believe me!
I'm an anxious sort so was always keen to be seen doing the 'right thing' by others. I always responded immediately to bad behaviour but over the years, and as she's matured, it's far more more productive to let her calm down and deal with the incident after.
For example, we were out for a meal with extended family over new year. She was in a strop about something or other and was being rude to me. I ignored the rudeness but carried on speaking to her and she told me to "button it" 
. I gave a her a 'look' but ignored. I was very aware of my mum and aunt's faces whilst I cringed but she soon got over it and the meal carried on perfectly.
But boy did I pull her up on it once we were in the car! She immediately hung her head and apologised. There would most certainly have been explosions if I'd attempted to deal with it at the time. My mum actually complimented me on how well she thought I dealt with it.
Sorry, that was a ramble but you're not alone!
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.