3yo doesn't want to go anywhere in winter

[PenelopeChipShop]

This feels like such an odd problem I don't know if anyone will have been there. I've just searched the archives and can't find anything similar! Would welcome any opinions!

My DS is in most ways lovely (!) but incredibly stubborn and set in his ways. When he gets an idea in his head there's no budging it. He doesn't seem to particularly like winter or cold weather (fair enough) and just wants to stay inside and play with his toys. This has become apparent over the last month or so as it's got properly cold.

I go totally mad without enough fresh air and exercise and I think he's the same really - in nice weather we would have to go out once a day for both our sanities' sake but in winter he just doesn't want to do anything - he's perfectly happy playing at home, 'helping' me do jobs and playing with his toys. I feel like he's got me under house arrest because he just won't play ball. If I take him to the park he won't get out of the car, or walk.

I'm worried that he isn't really getting enough exercise/burning off enough energy - or really being stimulated enough with different experiences! But he just doesn't want to do anything. When it isn't freezing I think it's nice to just go for a stroll but he won't even do that.

Would you force it? Do you think this is a bad thing? I feel like the whole winter is stretching ahead and I'm going to be stuck indoors!!

(Should probably add that I work 3 days p/w so he spends 2 full days in nursery and 1 with grandparents - perhaps he just wants to enjoy being at home on his days 'off'... but in summer he was quite happy to be taken out, despite that!)

[PenelopeChipShop]

I totally take the point that sometimes you have to do things and just make kids do them and in that situation I would - but he's my first one (am 23 weeks pg with no.2 now) so on my days off and weekends we are free, really - aside from housework or jobs we don't HAVE to go to the park or for walks, I suppose, but I just want to!!

[RiaOverTheRainbow]

If clothes/sensory issues are the main problem there's lots online that might help, and I'm sure MNers will have suggestions. For instance maybe instead of a coat he'd wear a fleecy hoodie?

[heymammy]

Also base layers, like soft fleecy/merino long johns & long sleeve top, then clothes on top so he has the soft layer next to his skin.

[pinkyredrose]

He seems to have a lot of power for a 3 yr old. Is he like this with his father ?

[northerngoldilocks]

What about an all in one snowsuit - my 2 lived in theirs last year - meant they didn't have to wear much underneath and they're nice and silky on the inside (plus not as easy to take off). We got ours from H&M and they still fit this year which is great!

[PenelopeChipShop]

Heymammy that's a good idea about thermals, I could just pretend they're underwear and he would wear them if he deemed them soft enough.

Pinky, that's what I'm afraid of... I just think of myself as quite relaxed and child-led (Though also knackered due to work and pregnancy!) but sometimes wonder if I need to be more strict.

He only sees his dad at weekends and he isn't hugely hands on really, but yes DS would act exactly the same for him.

He has been like this with costs literally since he was old enough t I have an opinion. Last winter was the same and I was hoping it would be different this year, but no.

Also last January I did drag him out (in a coat I hasten to add) and a few weeks later he got pneumonia... Have always slightly wondered if there was any connection, but there may not be.

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

My youngest hated wearing coats at that age too. I used to layer him up with jumpers and an over the head fleece instead. Thermals and/or thermal socks would be a great addition.

Some children are naturally homebirds and there's nothing wrong with a bit of downtime and playing at home.

There will be times when you will simply have to get him to leave the house though whether he likes it or not. Might be worth having a think about how to tackle it? Generally I found making it sound irresistible and fun worked much better than going head to head with them.

[BertieBotts]

I sympathise with him greatly, I hate being cold but also hate getting all bundled up in horrible restrictive hot clothing!

Can you perhaps research less bulky but warm alternatives? Thermals definitely make a huge difference for me. You need to research different materials and how they hold heat in. Perhaps look at clothing designed for winter sports like skiing.

Also - it can seem unbearable to have to get into warm clothes in a nice warm heated house, but 3yos aren't really able to rationalise, well, it's cold outside. What I used to do with DS was say okay we are going out now (present that as a non negitiable) but would he like to run out the back door and quickly check how cold it is? When he understood that it was cold and how cold it actually felt, he was normally much happier to put warm clothes on. The abstract "Well, it's cold outside" didn't work as well as actually experiencing it. The other alternative to this is to get all of the warm clothing on after you actually get outside, but it's not really practical when that involves specific shoes and trousers too.

I doubt that he would be able to connect the pneumonia with the being outside in the cold.

[hilbobaggins]

I completely understand where you are coming from, and I sometimes wonder what sort of size kids the people saying "oh just put his cost on, strap him in a pushchair and off you go" have actually dealt with. I would love some practical advice on exactly how I "just strap in" my massive, strong and utterly determined 3 year old DS. It's really bloody hard.

I do usually manage to shoehorn mine out of the house but it takes a LOT of advance notice and creative thinking and sometimes bribery to make it work.

[Out2pasture]

comfortable clothing is key, too much bulk feels nauseating. have you considered going to the pool? do you or a neighbor have a dog you could walk and take along? personally I like the vit d story :), sure a tad early but definitely ready for next year.

[fusionconfusion]

I have three and the middle one is three but he doesn't get a choice. We don't even have a car, dh has to have it for work, and we have to walk a mile to and from school. Three year old hates it but we have to do it, and the simple answer is it is painful, takes loads of energy and is a bloody bore for all of us, but there's no way out.

You really can make them do it. Sometimes it's about doing what's right rather than what feels easiest or most fun to do. Sorry if that sounds a bit of a truism but it's kind of the way of it.

[Akire]

Do any neighbours have a small friendly dog you could borrow for a walk?

[poocatcherchampion]

My 3 yo likes bring at home too.

Which is lucky really as my 6 week old c section is still an open crater. We haven't been yo park etc since dh on pat leave.

Sometimes we go somewhere in the car so they get 10 secs of fresh air.

[Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter]

hilbo my eldest is 10, I have 3 kids to get out the door and my DS1 is very big for his age and very athletic and sporty - not making yourself a slave to the whims of your child or having to beg and bribe them to do as you ask very occasionally applies in triplicate when its pretty damn obvious both your sons are going to tower above you by the time they are 13 ...

You don't have to be a dictator, you have to teach your kids that they are one equally but not more important unit within the family and that everyone makes compromises for the others multiple times a day... nobody (including parents) gets to do just what they want all day every day.

[ThisFenceIsComfy]

A walk to/from somewhere is OK though. That gives you the hour outside.

So I don't go for long country walks in the winter and our playgrounds trips have been cut down a bit.

But, we walk to the library in town, walk to a museum, walk to the cinema for Saturday morning films, walk to friend spouses for playdate etc. That adds up and it's still fresh air but fresh air with purpose for a stubborn 3 year old. My DS walked an hour to his favourite soft play last week.

Of course I don't drive so he knows we have to walk to places but I do schedule in places that means he has to walk a bit further so he can burn off energy.

[ThisFenceIsComfy]

Friends houses! Not spouses! Weirdest typo ever.

[PenelopeChipShop]

Ok I thought I'd update as I got him out twice today! It was actually horrid drizzly weather so we were only doing jobs and meeting friend for lunch but he was fine.

I made a star chart and said he could have a treat for three stars. Getting a star obviously involves wearing coat the whole time we were out. Made sure we went out twice today so he already has two.

I think the main issue is the coat hatred, nor actually being outside - a side effect of the stubbornness thing. He is more than old enough and bright enough to understand the connection between feeling cold and no coat but making a stand about not wearing one is more important to him than being comfortable. I don't know why!

Anyway today I feel like I'm winning!

[poocatcherchampion]

Yay op!!

[Muchtoomuchtodo]

Great work op.

Bribery is alive and well in this house too and has worked wonders in the past!

[Ledkr]

Dd wouldn't wear a coat so I just let her go out without it, five minutes later she asked for it cod it was freezing.
Sounds obvious I know but she's number 5 and Id never tried that!

[PenelopeChipShop]

I know, I'm not that proud of myself for resorting to bribery but it's getting to the point where I had to do something.

DH does this all the time - go to the loo and you can have a biscuit kind of thing - so I was partly thinking of that, but at least with a chart they have to earn the treat a bit more, and with him I just need to break the habit of shouting no as soon as anyone mentions the word 'coat'!!

Poocatcher I can totally understand why you haven't been anywhere yet and am sure I will be the same when no.2 comes next spring!! Hope things get easier soon.