help with my son

[targaryen]

My little boy is 6 and I am really struggling with his behaviour.

I think he is working so hard in Primary Two that he then takes it out on me.

When he is good, he is very very good and tells me how much he loves me but when he's bad oh my word he is horrid. Says he wants to die, wishes he didn't exist. This could be brought on due to being told that he is not getting a sweetie. He is an absolute sugar fiend and I've said he can pick a sweet 2 days after school but then on the other days he will do everything he can to get a sweetie.

My husband works long hours and is barely here which I'm sure contribute to his behaviour and in an ideal world he would be here more but he's not.

I try so hard to be a nice mum to him and sometimes it's good but mainly every day feels full of battles.

He is the middle child of two sisters and the hardest to parent. I don't know if I'm doing everything wrong or if he is just a very challenging child?

[holeinmyheart]

First of all I don't think you are doing anything wrong. He will be tired and grumpy as it is a long school day for a 6 year old.

He has to hold all his frustration in at school and you are his safe haven, as you will always be his Mum.

His behaviour seems pretty normal. I want, you get it NOW etc.

So what is the solution.... Patience, first of all ( I know you feel like throttling him, don't we all) remain calm and stick to your guns. In the future he and his teeth will be grateful. Count ten, and think ! he is only 6 and I am in charge, not him.
Then use distraction.
He... I want a sweet
You... Oh guess what I have for you at home, or gosh! I saw an amazing big bird on the way home shall we go and see if we can see it? Etc etc.

Try and RELAX as we get into a self fulfilling spiral. You expect him to kick off...so he does.
Every time you treat him with consistency and respect you will be repaid in shedloads when he grows up.

Don't despair, honestly this phase will pass and he will become more reasonable. He is too young at the moment to fully understand the consequences of his actions. He is not doing anything deliberately to you, he is just being a bolshy six year old.
Hugs, as we have all been there.

[targaryen]

Thanks so much holeinmyheart. Really good advice.
I just get so tired out by him and give in a lot which perpetuates his behaviour but find his behaviour so hard !
He can be the most gorgeous, happy, smiling wee boy and then the next second wailing in the playground because something's not gone his way.
I don't see any of the other children his age behaving like this. He stands and wails like a 2 year old.

Will try out some of these strategies thanks

[Mrscog]

If he is NT then 6 is old enough to understand the concept of a 'sweet day'. I would say if he pesters/tantrums for sweets on days when he know's they're not allowed then he can't have them at all. Just be calm and matter of fact about it.

[holeinmyheart]

All parents suffer from ' other people have better, cleverer, more well behaved children' than me ......what have I done wrong ? syndrome. And guilt, oh the guilt!

Mine assure me that they love me and I was 'good enough' but the GUILT
If I start thinking about how I behaved on occasion, losing my rag etc I feel like crawling into a hole and begging their forgiveness.

My Rational self knows that I was Ok. So when you say you don't see other children wailing etc. Well, the fact is You don't see what goes on behind closed doors.
My DF was a model of society and he was an emotional bully.
Other parents in the playground would not have been able to see that me and my siblings were damaged. We didn't wail because no one would comfort us.

So don't beat yourself up. You are a reflective parent and that's good. You are just going through a challenging patch. it will pass.