DS 23mo suddenly being very, very naughty...

[phoenixrose314]

My DS is coming up for two at the end of this month. Although he can be stubborn and wilful, he is for the most part an agreeable, bright, talkative little guy who has always been really well behaved.

He has suddenly started saying "no" to a lot of things, last night he was up for an hour and a half screaming for me and wanting to go downstairs (I didn't let him), he didn't want to go to nursery today and had lots of tears getting him ready this morning, I came home late from work today (I am a teacher and had Parents Evening) to be told that he has been hitting and pushing other children at nursery, he was defiant to the other members of staff and deliberately waited for the staff to be looking whilst throwing his food and cutlery on the floor. This is very unlike him as he loves his food and has always been a great sleeper and eater until now.

He's got his final two teeth coming through, but teething has never been a trigger for naughty behaviour before. We moved him to a big boy bed three nights ago but he was fine with it - he literally just laid down, snuggled up and went to sleep. We also had his cousin (9months old) over for the weekend as a favour to my DSIL, and although my DS was fine and enjoyed his company for the first day, he was confused and less tolerant the next day. Not sure if any of those things might be bothering him.

Has anyone else been through anything like this when their DCs were around this age? What did you do? Is there a way to help him deal with his feelings? Currently feeling like a total failure, I spend all my time helping other people's children and making a total cock up of my own, I feel like I'm failing him. Honestly could cry. Anyone help me, please.

[Redcagoule]

Hi Phoenix, there are loads of books on the 123 magic method. I'm going to give it a go after his birthday in two weeks. I'll let you know how we get on.

Really sorry to hear about your DS's ear infection. Poor fella must be in lots of pain. And you too! I know some kids tend to get recurrent ear infections but have no idea why.

Wondering what happens at nursery is pretty stressful eh? The staff can't keep an eye on everything that happens between the kids can they?

We had a good day, apart from getting in the car seat. I've loaded up my iPad with his favourite film to watch in the car tomorrow. That strategy should last all of three days.

I'm also trying to accept being late and not rushing him, to see how that goes. I'm hoping that improves my sanity too.

I hope you have a better night tonight. x

[phoenixrose314]

Redcagoule I can see us being thread buddies for the next year or so!!!

Never heard of the 123 magic method, I shall have to look it up next time I have a free half hour... he is being really wilful today but he was up late last night and looks like he has yet another ear infection (sigh) so onwards and upwards...

It is helpful to know I'm not alone. to all those going through (or have been through) this difficult stage!

[Redcagoule]

When I first read this I wondered if I'd written it in my sleep, until I got to the nursery bit. This last week my DS (2 at the end of the month) has been telling me he doesn't want to come home from nursery. I know it's fun there but he's happy at home too. Tonight I spent 50 mins trying to get him into the car and into the car seat. He wanted to stay and play with the sand pit they gave placed helpful outside, along with the chalks and pens, which he was most enchanted with! Most of the time the promise of chocolate buttons has worked, but not today, or anything else I had in the car that had previously work enticed him into his car seat.

He gets so upset if I try restrain him to fasten him into his seat, it doesn't work anyway and we both end up really upset for nothing. I hate it.

We also have lots of hitting us wanting to go downstairs again at bed time and very tearful tantrums when he can't. Eventually he just wants a cuddle and can be soothed calm again.

With your DS and mine I do wonder how much is to do with teething, pain must make them extra grumpy.

Clearly I am far from having this stuff figured out but we have had some successes with situations that seemed to be about testing out boundaries/ asserting boundaries.

To increase his motivation to play ball reward strategies have worked for some things that were difficult. Getting a magnetic star for the fridge for 'helping mummy' with nappy changes and teeth cleaning, then swapping two stars for a chocolate star (plan to move into star charts at some point).

I've been recommended the '123 magic' method for when they are two plus, so I'm planning on getting started with this in the next few months.

I would love any advice on dealing with a strong willed toddler too, or at least staying sane while I wait for him to get through this stage. A whole year? Really? Argh.

[phoenixrose314]

Yeah, nursery said he'd had a better day today (breathe sigh of relief) then got home and he was a nightmare all over again!! Hitting, saying "go away" to me... it makes me so sad. Fingers crossed it's the early onset of terrible twos and he will be back to his lovely self soon.

[bigbuttons]

He's not naughty op

He's 2.

[HaveTeaWillSurvive]

We had this at the same age only lasted a few weeks and we were so relieved we'd 'got away' with the terrible twos... But at 2.8 he's just become a nightmare again, really short tempered and clingy. Just keep telling yourself it's a phase, breathe and continue as normal!

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Aka pushing your buttons. A lot. And also nursery staff's by the sound of it.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

It is normal. They start testing the boundaries. :)

[phoenixrose314]

Thanks guys

[Eminado]

Omg give yourseof a break OP you sound like a great mummy

[phoenixrose314]

I did wonder if something at nursery had upset him - when he was playing with his trains the other day he was saying "Go away Thomas, go away Percy" which really gobsmacked me as we have never and would never say that to him... so maybe he heard it at nursery? Not happy about it and it has been playing on my mind...

Like I said, he's fine about going to sleep in the bed, he woke up last night in a panic, almost like he had a nightmare or night terror and just wanted to be with me and go downstairs, didn't want to be in his room. Maybe he feels less protected in the bed?

Just want him to be okay. I'm extra tearful this evening because I'm so tired, the guilt about working full time is always a chip on my shoulder too.

[TheBakeryQueen]

It's not called Terrible Twos for nothing!

They're not really capable of being naughty as such at this age.

Have you read the guide on here to 2 year olds? Always cheers me up when my 2yr old is testing my limits

[lottieandmias]

Usually I can attribute naughty behaviour of my nearly 6 year old to unsettling things that have happened recently.

Your son is still a baby though really, and you are not a failure!! I would not worry about it - it sounds like it could be to do with the new bed. Is there any kind of reward based thing you could do with him or is he maybe a bit young for that? Is it possible that anything could be going on at nursery that's upsetting him?

[Kraggle]

Sorry I'm no help but I'm going through a similar thing with my 23mo dd!

The last few weeks she has been a nightmare with at least 2 mad wild screaming crying tantrums a day and demanding behaviour.

You are not alone. I'm hoping its a phase!