Worried about DDs development (3.5 yo)

[ChristmasHiccups]

She refuses to potty train.
Won't walk anywhere - insists on the buggy or sling
Doesn't really like playing with other children - will occasionally approach if on her terms for dinosaur chase games but after about 10 seconds she runs away
Has an issue with noise
Has an issue with personal space - doesn't like being touched
Won't dress/undress herself
Has an encyclopaedic knowledge of dinosaur names
Knows numbers to 20 and some letters
Struggles with change in routine
Struggles with busy places.

How normal is all of the above for a 3.5 yo?

Although I'm a bit unusual in that I declined assessment for my child, I do agree with everyone else that you need to get pretty focussed on this. (I just think each family finds its own way of dealing both with the child's issues and the systems set up to try to help us)

best of luck.

Please insist the HV or GP refer you for a full paediatric assessment. In our area, the pre-school can refer too. tbh, if the HV and GP continued to faff, I'd phone the CDC (Child Development Centre) myself and see if you could refer in yourself!
The number of concerns you have spoken about, are a worry, and I'm surprised that neither the pre-school nor HV have tried to be pro-active before now.

if the HV is not helpful then go via the GP. I did that as my HV refused to refer (claimed my DC was age approbriate - we have no a dx of severe Asd, severe speech and language delay and learning difficulties).
Don't take no for an answer. Good luck.

If that's the route you decide to take, may I offer another bit of practical advice?

At your GPs, don't mention potty training. Instead, say "I don't think she gets what I'm saying to her though she's had a hearing test".
That's a more useful thing for them to know.

Thanks for all the advice.
I'm still really not sure why we would need a hearing test though - she was talking at 10 months, 3-4 word sentences by 18 months, and currently she understands pretty much everything said if not too conceptual - can follow complex instructions etc, but gets flummoxed by describing emotions, dual meaning words - that sort of thing. Her factual recall is excellent and after having a new book from the library and I've read it to her 3-5 times she can then recall verbatim most of it - eg the owl and the pussy cat, or Julia Donaldson books. She has definitely heard it. Language is not an issue!

She "knows" exactly what steps she needs to do to use the potty, dress, etc - just won't do them!

A prime example of her behaviour was yesterday. We went to a venue to see Santa with some friends. A venue she has been to many many times when it's quiet. The problem was there was a bouncy castle - and she freaks out over the fan noise. Wants to leave, is screaming, covering her ears. As soon as the doors close behind us on the way back out she wants to go back in as she's been looking forward to it. I reiterate behaviour expectations and go back in.
Repeat, except someone speaks to her to try to "help". Worst thing ever! She has used up so much in dealing with the noise she can't deal with anything else. And people see this as a tantrum. But it's not!

Anyway, eventually we get in, are able to stay for an hour or so with a few breaks in the hall from the fan noise, we go home, all good.

I have also left a message to chase up the HV today and will wait for them to get back to me before I go down the GP route.

I'm still really not sure why we would need a hearing test though

The only reason is that the first box that needs ticking is hearing so, if she sees a paediatrician and you say her hearing is fine, they are likely to say well lets get her tested anyway just to be on the safe side. That then holds up the process.

If you get her name down for a hearing test now, the two waiting lists can run together.

Nobody is doubting your judgement. It's just that they often look at the cheapest options first which are usually parenting and hearing.

Ah ok, I get that. How would I go about organising one?

Sorry but " currently she understands pretty much everything said if not too conceptual - can follow complex instructions etc, but gets flummoxed by describing emotions, dual meaning words - that sort of thing." doesn't describe someone with no problems with language.
With any language issue, they will start with the simplest thing to check, in this case hearing - can she hear or is she just good at lip reading. Does her hearing come and go?

So you might as well get that checked, just as if you kept walking into things the first thing I might suggest checking is your eyesight - regardless of how recent your last eye test was.

There are lots of names that could apply to what you describe as your DDs difficulties, and some of them have to do with the way sound is processed by the brain.

Also just because she seems to understand the steps doesn't mean she is ready for say potty training. Just as although I can explain how an internal combustion engine works, that doesn't mean I can fix a car.

You are also going to have to know when events are just going to be too much for her - and as the parent not take her to them. Two of my children couldn't cope with fireworks for a number of years, eventually they could cope. In the meantime they didn't go, or we could have tried ear defenders. This book might help.

How would I go about organising one?

Your GP or health visitor can refer or give you the number to self refer if that's done in your area.

Hi OP,

GReat idea to have the hearing test even though we all agree hearing probably isn't the problem.

When you go, tell the audiologist that you suspect sensitive hearing. You don't want too many loud noises.

Language issues are really varied. My kids couldn't say much but their real problem was that they didn't "get" certain things. They are both thriving now.

You will be able to use her strengths to shore up her weaknesses but sometimes you have to spend a bit of time thinking about the not so great things.

My kids' relationship with each other got them through many things, and they have great memories like your daughter, so it is nice to think of your two little girls playing together :)