2 year old bolter...

[drspouse]

DS is 2 1/2 and until recently he liked to run head/run off but would always stay in sight, but recently he has started running off round corners, running in the street etc. He also generally used to stop at the corner/curb when we said STOP but that's not as reliable now either.

We can't keep him continually in the buggy/high chair when out, he needs to be able to play in the park, walk down the street with us. We need to carry things in shops and cafés. But it's getting hard. We are staying in a hotel at the moment and have a baby DD too and today I went out of the room and DH was feeding DD and DS tried to follow me - but went in he wrong direction down the corridor (we didn't realise he could open the door). He hates having his hand held - he won't actually hold hands, he just lets you hold his wrist while shouting "No hand!"

We hate to chase him because he just thinks it's a game and laughs. We often say "hold hands or carry" but he would sometimes rather be carried, and sometimes we have too much stuff. He also does a lie down strike sometimes but that's easier to deal with. We try and stand still and look cross and say "Not laughing" but he then just tries vanishing round he corner. He has scared himself too by losing us but it doesn't seem to deter him. If we follow him round 1/2 a metre behind that also makes it into a game for him and he tries to get away. Plus we have bags/buggy/now DD too.

The other day we were at a cafe in a shopping centre and he ran down the corridor (tables at edge of an indoor corridor) and we could see him and there wasn't anywhere for him to go) and a shopper came up to him and said "where are your mummy and daddy", which he didn't answer and when we came after (we were just packing up) the shopper said "I thought he was on his own!" in a panicky, accusatory way. Which is kind of what we panic about too!

I'm not really talking about extended walks e.g. to the park at the zoo, where we just strap him in the buggy (or I've recently tried an Ergo) but from car to shop, or to house, or at the park if there is ANY exit, or inside a shop.

Is there any help for this, short of a) waiting for him to grow out of it or b) never letting him off a rein/out of the buggy, even at the park? DH is on leave at the moment as DD is v new but he'll be back at work soon and I'll be home with both of them.

[AppleAndMelon]

I'd use reins until it becomes less of an issue - he can probably tell you are getting a bit stressed about it, which probably makes him do it more. I don't care what people say about reins not being appropriate - I'd rather use them than have a squashed child

this type of thing is fun and less embarrassing than using plain reins

[tobysmum77]

Vanessa I am a lot of things but drippy with toddlers is not one of them believe me.

[VanessaShanesa]

Just read through and I see you're of the "I can't do XYZ because it's too time consuming/inconvenient/awkward - I want a magic wand type answer" persuasion

[Thumbwitch]

There is nothing "embarrassing" about using reins

[tobysmum77]

no just that apparently bolting can be solved by not being drippy. It can't.

[ThingyTheBusCleaner]

I have reins for DS and I would use them inside and out if Needs be. They Clip onto a high chair or Booster seat too.

[ThingyTheBusCleaner]

I don't see how he's going to bolt off a slide (presuming you're Standing at the end of it) unless he can fly...

[Thumbwitch]

Well to take DS2's example, courtesy of grandma not paying attention, he could fall off the steps instead of going down the slide (gee thanks for that, good job he wasn't seriously hurt!)

[Thumbwitch]

Tobysmum I think Vanessa was aiming the "magic wand" comment at the OP...

[TimeForAnotherNameChange]

We had a bolter too. It's hell on earth. And I'm really, really sorry but the only thing to do is reins/wrist strap ALL THE TIME, being within grabbing distance, and wait it out. It might take a year or more till he grows out of it a bit - ds2 was bad between about 18months and 3ys.

And when I say all the time, I mean it - inside the hotel, at the park, shopping, etc, basically every single time you set foot outside your front door. You're right, it's not just a discipline issue, it's a safety one, and it's your job to keep him safe whatever it takes, even if that means limiting activities for a few months. And yes, you do need to be glued to him.

I know it's hard, I do, I've been there. It was one of the suckiest moments of parenting ds1 that we've had so far (matched only by the truly epic tantrum throwing year from ds2 between 3.5 and4.5!)

[Embolio]

Yup. Back pack with reins, holding hand and time out in buggy if he bolts. I carry ds1 to the far from the house as he unfailingly makes a bolt for freedom.

[Embolio]

Car.

[drspouse]

We do have a consequence for running off - sit on lap and count to five, stern face, telling off.
And yes, we can catch him. But running around is more fun than being sat down is not fun. And if you run away and GET CHASED then that is the MOST FUN THING EVER IN THE WORLD. So no amount of consequence or stem face is going to make that less attractive. So a consequence after running away is not going to help. We need to prevent it.
If he's on a slide and I'm at the bottom, it's easy to escape by going back up. Same with a climbing frame - two exits usually.
I think we can try reins when not actually on the equipment though.
Though I totally accept the need for safety, and I'm not at all bothered by keeping him restrained in the street, or using the buggy more (I was hoping to ease him out for when DD gets too heavy for the sling but hey ho), but he just loves running around, is short but heavy so needs the exercise, so I'm a bit sad about the need for restraint.

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

Reins.

Stop resisting start using. Guessing mentioned but at least one posters child on mn died because of bolting.

IMO no excuse. Reins.

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

Bollox. I use reins on equipment at parks. Just loop long rein up. Useful as gives you extra handles.

[Gen35]

I agree with most people, I'd just alternate buggy, reins or wrist strap. I think he's too young for discipline to really work, at least with my dc1 before 3 it was mostly hopeless. You have two, they have to be safe. He'll grow out of it.

[Thumbwitch]

If you're that fussed about him being able to "run free" then why don't you find a park that has a fully enclosed area to play in, even if it's a drive away?

[settingsitting]

so I'm a bit sad about the need for restraint.

I am sorry, but it is that or the alternative..

[LegoCaltrops]

Reins. At all times you feel there is a potential risk. DD is 2.2 and a bolter, we use reins at all times in public.

Some reins will attach to certain types of high chairs, btw. The Lindam reins have a detachable parent strap, the harness stays on the child so you can attach them to a cafe high chair if it has appropriate loops.

You need to tell him, as appropriate to his level of understanding, that unless & until he is able to act like a big boy, & not run off/misbehave, you will continue to treat him like a baby. Which means reins or the buggy. Possibly also bribery with little treats if he behaves nicely - a sticker or other treat.This is what we are doing with DD.

[Cyclebump]

I loved my reins. Also, your buggy can be an effective tool. DS was a biter and hated being in the buggy. Every time he went to bite, he went in the buggy strapped in for two minutes. He screamed his head off and tantrummed, but it was effective. I was criticised by some people, but he was hurting other children and, while he hated it, being strapped in a buggy was not hurting him.

Maybe you could try it for bolting.

[LegoCaltrops]

I would also add, DD hated her reins at first. We assume they felt weird. However, she now loves them, we think it's because they represent (to her) the prospect of freedom, relative to being stuck in the buggy. She loves to walk. She clearly finds being strapped imto the buggy an awful lot more restrictive than a set of reins that allow her to run about.

[bronya]

Reins. Put them on him, and loop the strap through the back bit, so the whole contraption is on him all the time, but you don't have to be holding it and it's not dragging on the ground. Start a new routine - 1) stop there please. 2) STOP NOW or you will go on the reins. 3) Catch him, put reins on. Keep reins on for next ten min and ignore any tantrums. If you want, you can have 4) If you won't walk nicely on reins, you can go in the buggy.

When you let him off the reins, repeat - forever if necessary.

When he's got the hang of it, you can teaching him to walk next to you (and he can walk on his own) - if he walks ahead, one warning (as soon as he is in front of you), then you grab him and hold hands/on reins. Once he's walking nicely, repeat.

[GinnelsandWhippets]

DS1 is a bolter. He has a choice - hold hands, reins or pushchair - which apply at all times when we're out of the house (so in shops etc). I've found that being absolutely consistent works well and he will now hold hands grudgingly but without tantrums most of the time. We relaxed a bit a few weeks ago as he was starting to get better at stopping when told. But he then bolted again so he's back on lockdown. And the consequence for bolting is he goes in the pushchair immediately and is strapped in until we get where we're going.

[ContentedSidewinder]

Does he ever have the opportunity to just run though? Carefree and unrestricted?

I had to teach mine that there was a time and place for running and a time for being in the pram/hand holding/reins.

That way when we went to a certain place both of mine knew they could run wild, that was the one and only place. Playgrounds etc were not a place to run (saw child run in front of swings and get smashed in the face)

I am sure there is a MNetter whose son ran into a road and now advocates reins. I would never judge anyone who used reins. Toddlers do not understand danger so a parent must make that decision for them.

[andsmile]

mine is same she has petted seceral dogs today and nearly went in duck pond as i cant luch forard fast enough to contain her. I wanted to allow her some freedom today in the car free park on her scooter - this brought other nightmares. She kept hiding in bushes too. She is a menace.