Late Potty Training Support Thread

[Fifyfomum]

Potty training a child of 3 or over? Come and rant to your hearts content, share advice and feel free to let yourself talk about how it really feels to go through this.

My child is 3.8 and for me, this is the hardest part of motherhood so far. I found labour hard but not this enraging and it has really challenged me as a person. For me introducing the potty, refusing nappies and praising him when he used the toilet is what has helped. I have to ignore any bad behaviour and just allow him to do it on his own (no asking)

Now we have to deal with him going inside his pants, we've pretty much cracked the going to the potty/loo without pants on.

Any advice would be fantastic!

[pumpkinsweetie]

Hello can I join, need some tips and advice for my 3 1/2 threenager lol!

[Fifyfomum]

HV is coming over next Friday with a Community Nursery Nurse so I will update with any tips!

[luckywinner]

Fifyfomum, can it ask you about the sensory thing you mentioned in your other thread. I have 3 dc. The first two were utter utter nightmares, and your last thread summed up the hell I also was in. I had to lock myself in the loo a couple of times just to calm down. And my dcs are lovely, happy, healthy children, despite steam coming out my ears throughout the whole potty training time. But the sensory thing rang a bell as that was how mine were.

My youngest dc is 2.3. I am trying to work out how to make the experience less stressful. What tips did you get from your HV?

[Fifyfomum]

Yes both at the same nursery, big one stayed and the childminders bought the small one home. They didn't have to pick the big one up because I went and got him so they charged me £24 for taking them to nursery, they had to spend 1.5hrs in the car as well which is why I think the small one threw up.

Not sure the experience has warmed me to the idea of childminders I must say! I put the big one in a pull-up for the car journey because there was no way they would have had time to stop and take him to the loo.

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

Ok I see, so both at nursery, but one had to come home?

[Fifyfomum]

I have two sons, the youngest has been with me, the eldest at nursery.

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

Fify I am having serious doubts about what is really going on here now.
You posted on another thread at 9.30 am this morning that your son had been sick at nursery and being brought home. You were set to spend the day caring for your sick child.

Now you say he had two accidents at nursery today,one a "double" accident. So which was it? Sent home sick or going to the loo with his friends?

I am confused.

[Fifyfomum]

Well he did have two accidents at nursery today and one was a double accident, but it was wholly successful and he even went down to the toilets with one of his little friends which is so sweet!

I think nursery are really helping to crack the being in clothes thing and I am positive by the end of this month we will have cracked it.

[sezamcgregor]

My DS was at nursery full time and they tried to potty train him when he was about 2y9m so that he was ready to go to the pre-school room. He was coming home with stickers (very occasionally) for doing wees on the potty - which was ridiculous as he was nowhere near ready.

I told them to stop and after his 3 birthday, I had a few days off work, bought some pants and a potty and we had a chat about big boys using the potty and spent some time on it. I was lucky that he picked it up quickly and cracked it in those few days.

My advice would be to not make a fuss out of accidents and give lots of praise for going to the potty/toilet. If your child is already 3.8 and you're having a lot of problems and frustration, why not use nappies for a while longer until you and your child stop being stressed and then, with a clam frame of mind, have a conversation with DC about potties and about starting school and growing up and give it another try.

[Mmmbacon]

Best of luck fifty, I an glad your nursery is more supportive than mine re accidents,

[Fifyfomum]

I am not going to rise to this, other than to say my son is very loved and very well cared for by myself and his father and the chance of him being 'given to someone else to look after' are Nil.

Anyway. Today he has gone to nursery, I had to pay a childminder £24 to take him and bring him back but he needs that time at nursery because I think it is really there that we will crack the going in his pants thing, he will also be sitting on a little toilet (I spoke to them about that) which is brilliant, so I have packed him with lots of dry, clean clothes and am hoping for the best.

I imagine there will be lots of accidents today and lots more tomorrow but hopefully less than there are today. That is all we need, less.

[PirateJones]

So lets not pull this one of topic.

[PirateJones]

Stalking the op around the boards achieves nothing.

Posting twice in two thread in the same area on the same subject is not Stalking.

[MrsCakesPremonition]

Stalking the op around the boards achieves nothing. It certainly isn't helping her child. It snacks of bullying.
As you have suggested, I have reported your thread.

[PirateJones]

AnyaKnowIt
MrsCakesPremonition

You are both welcome to report my posts. However the OP was disgusting and having raised someone elses child because they didn’t want him, you will forgive me if I don’t keep my mouth shut when I think another mother is going down the same lines

You will notice I have done the OP the respect of not posting anything since she has kept the thread respectable and there are people who genuinely need help here.

[Fifyfomum]

I think you took that whole conversation a whole lot more seriously than anyone else involved in it. I really don't want to go into it again. If that's okay.

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

I was simply referring to a comment you made to me on another thread where you suggested I didn't have the experience you did and "obviously had younger children" than you because they were not "sods" when in fact my oldest of my teenage children is 17.

[Fifyfomum]

I am definitely not a 'really experienced mother' and there is no way I am going through another summer with him in nappies. It is definitely time to potty train

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

Your child is only 5 months older than mine were and although I know you consider yourself a very experienced mother that's a very short time.

I guess the whole point I am making is that sometimes we can push too hard to achieve something- and that may even be in the form of praise or rewards that we block success. Putting something on the back burner- even for a couple of weeks is sometimes the way to go with children.

[Fifyfomum]

I would have been happy with 3.3, I really would have and I was sort of hoping that is what would happen. That he would get to about that age and just realise that big boys wore pants and that would be that. Unfortunately because he is so close to school age I feel I need to push him a bit.

Kids are all different and I think this is a classic example, he needs to be encouraged clearly.

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

I think they were around 3.3. - It's a long time ago, ( and even though my oldest is 17 they have never been little sods either;)

Some of my other friends decided to follow the advice too and it also worked well for them.

I can't say it will work for everyone and I have never seen this documented, but it made so much sense at the time, removing all the pressure allows a child to take control of the situation and develop his own maturity.
Sometimes if we pressure too much- and children are sensitive little things- it can have the opposite effect of what we are trying to achieve.

[ianleeder]

Hi, I just saw your previous threads and I'm sorry for all the negative comments you've been getting. You just wanted to let out steam as obviously the whole potty training thing is upsetting you. I trained my 2 kids around age 3 (my youngest age 3 years and 6 month still poos in her nappy). I was very relaxed about it, I skip the potty and took her to the big toilet to wee. She refused to wee as she was afraid to 'it let go' so I suggested her to wee in the bath naked so she felt comfortable of letting go then she went to the big toilet. Took about 2 weeks before she got the hang of it. I trained mine around summer so they had less clothes to remove. I would go with the flow, make going toilet fun and relaxing. If he wet himself, show him what he's done and ask him to help you to clean up his mess. Read fun stories together on potty trAining, buy his favourite big boy pants, explain to him and persevere. Stay in or close to home with no nappies. I didn't give my kids treats for using the potty or toilet but if it works for you then stick with it. Don't get upset or angry if he wet himself. Explain to him that he is big boy now and he can wee in the potty/ toilet. Invite a similar age kid who is potty trained to encourage him to wee.

[Fifyfomum]

How old were they exactly at?

Three and a-lot or three and a bit?

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

I didn't potty train. I let my childen decide. I have a friend from rural Egypt and she says that the idea of potty training is quite alien. Much like BLW, or not sleep training her view was that children will one day decide they don't want to be in nappies any more.
I tried it and it worked a treat. At three years they went from nappies to the toilet in 24 hours, no cajoloing, no bribery, totally dry and clean day and night. I didn't have a single accident from them from that day forward.

[Fifyfomum]

Okay well this isn't about my other threads or my other dramas. I am sorry if my life is too dramatic to even converse with me but I think that's a bit cruel really.

Anyway I think we should just talk about potty training here, I have a whole host of other stuff going on in life but its pretty hard to talk about and yes, it does take me a while to open up to want to/be able to talk about it.

So he's still going to bed in pull-ups, finding it hard to assess when he is needing to undress and use the potty though we have had success with him naked from the waist down.

I just have to hope he 'gets it' soon.