Wdyd, playdates with annoying children?

[philbee]

Lately we've had a couple of annoying occasions when different children have come over after school to play with DD1, who's in reception. They've come on their own, got out a load of toys (ok), helped themselves to food when I'm in the room or out of it (not ok IMO), ignored what I've asked them (well, they're 5 but often I say 'please don't do that' several times and they go ahead anyway), and argued with me when I've asked them and DD to tidy up (not ok IMO). I've got a small baby too and after an hour or so of dealing with all of them plus DD1 flaking out on the sofa and just wanting to watch TV, having asked the other child over to play I take the other child home to a slightly surprised looking parent and tell them DD is tired and not up to it.

What do you do in this situation? I don't want to be a horrible mummy who doesn't want DD's friends round (although I admit I'm a bit uptight about people in my space, which I try to get over but sometimes fail at), but I get fed up with other people's kids being rude to me and trashing the place. Do you say anything to the parents? I'd be really embarrassed if I knew DD had behaved like that at someone else's house.

[philbee]

They come because she has asked that they come, and I've said ok, ask them and they can come. But I think she has little idea of social obligation or ability to predict how she's going to feel once she gets home. So yes, will knock it on the head except for people we've known for a while I think. Most of those come with their mum or dad anyway as it's a social thing for me too.

[mamadoc]

It will get better!

DD is in y1 and now play dates are a breeze. They take themselves off to play, occasionally ask for a drink or a snack but I never have to police it any more. I look forward to some of her friends coming now and I know their mums so I could easily say if there was ever a problem.

Last year in reception was much harder work. She hadn't worked out who her friends were so we had some that just didn't click causing tears and tantrums all round. They were tired with much shorter attention spans and wound up just getting everything out, playing with it for 5 seconds then wanting something else. I definitely had to lay on activities and play with them. Not to mention wipe their bums in some cases!

I also had a baby just before DD started school so I do sympathise that it is hard to deal with the tantruming playdaters whilst juggling nappies, feeds, naps etc. Some friends just wanted to play with the baby which upset DD (someone ELSE who just wants to coo at the bloody baby) so that was an added complication.

Playdates are really not essential. What about meeting up at the park with another child AND their parents / sibs? She still gets to play but it takes the pressure off you.

[BackforGood]

Another thought is that you would be better inviting someone at the weekend or in the holidays. At the end of a school day, particularly at the end of term, dc are tired and irritable, and neither the best hosts nor the best guests. If it's all they are doing that day, then it will go better.
Plus, a lot of children would find it odd to have to put toys away when they are in the middle of playing. A colleague of mine had a baby a couple of weeks after my first was born, and we got together a few times when they were little, but I just felt uncomfortable there after a bit as she would only let him get one thing out, then he had to put that away before being allowed another toy out. That's just not how most children play.
Thirdly, if they are doing something that is against the rules in your house, then you have to be firm / assertive, and just say "We don't do 'x' in our house" and stick by it. You are the parent. You are the adult in charge. You need to let them know what is and isn't acceptable.

[Jinty64]

I take ds3's friends to soft play at the weekend. I work during the week so can't have them over during the week anyway. I pick them up from their house, they have 2 hours of soft play whilst I Mumsnet and then I order lunch for them. I can usually stretch it to 3 hours and I drop the friend home. Sooooo easy!