4 yr old boy not playing well w friends at nursery

[Slunzer]

Hi all,
I am desperate! My four yr old boy ( an only child) is very unstable at the moment and so angry and unhappy.
He hits, pushes and throws tantrums left right an centre and play dates are a nightmare. I am gutted - what have I done wrong. He is totally besotted w one little girl in school and very overprotective and possessive to the point where he tells her little friends off and tells them "they are not his friends", "I hate you", you can't play w her etc etc. he has also been physical and pushed etc.
Clearly not getting that we share friends but what can I do? He is super bright and very grown up for his age and comes from a loving stable home. My husband works very much and is not around very often and I am a SAHM.
What can I do? Will he end up being the kid no one wants to play with?
Please help xxx

[SavoyCabbage]

Do you know why he is feeling so angry? Is it just when he is with other children.

Have you had a chat with the teacher to see of you can get any pointers from the school?

I would try to take him places where he can play on neutral territory like swimming or the park, as there is less to argue over. I think having people over to your house where they have to share their toys etc can be quite tricky sometimes. Get a ball that is your ball and then take it to the park and see if you can get a little game happening. So he can see you sharing your things. It's not his ball so it should be easier for him.

I think you need to be quite firm with him about the little girl at school. Not that I am saying you are not being! It must be quite hard for her I would have thought.

I would also suggest not letting him get his own way all the time which I know is easy when you are a SAHM. (Again, I'm not saying you are doing that!). I remember before my PFB was going to nursery telling her that no, we couldn't get the playdoh out today, just so she knew that she wasn't always going to get her own way. And to teach her her to compromise. If she will pair the socks up, then I will play snap with her later.

[CreatureRetorts]

At 4, they have a testosterone surge so could be that partly. He needs. Physical outlet eg sport and rough and tumble play with his dad.

Also what kind of language do you use with him? He'll be copying you to some extent so need to watch that. I realised I was quite hard on my ds when he was getting quite angry with his peers - he was doing the same as me and DH but more exaggerated!

[KeepCoolCalmAndCollected]

From my observations, I have noticed this sort of behaviour in little boys, and with good guidance/parenting it has stopped.

Three boys (all now 6 years old) have continued to be particularly aggressive, and sadly for them they have not formed good friendships with their peers at school because they have unwittingly alienated themselves.

I think it would be very worthwhile to start now to try and explain things in very simple terms because now is the time that friendships should be forming, and presumably he will be starting school in September.