My 11 month old cries/ whinges constantly! What else can I do???

[CryBaby2305]

DS2 is 11 months old and has always been very high maintenance. I know most babies go through difficult phases, teething, separation anxiety etc but this is more than that. It's constant misery really. He'll be setted, happy playing for a few minutes but then I dare to move or cough or make eye contact and he begins to whinge.

He cries in the pushchair and wants to be carried which is just not always possible when I have a 5 year old too, also he weighs too much to carry him endlessly.

It's not just clinginess, he seems just generally whingy whatever we do. He acts like an over tired baby yet he has 2 naps a day both over an hour long and sleeps through 12 hours a night (I know I am lucky for that!) ...but the days just seem endless. Getting anything done is impossible and I do feel terribly guilty that my older son is just not getting any time with us in the way he did. we are getting more stressed as time goes on which I know doesn't help but we both thought as we approached his 1st birthday it would get better but it's just not!

I am sick of the comments from the parents outside the school always saying how grumpy DS2 is, 'oh he's crying again?' 'oooh what has your mummy done to you this time??' 'Poor baby he never seems happy, is he hungry?' Grrrrr! He eats 3 meals a day, still has 4 milk feeds a day and food doesn't distract him when he's whinging so it's not hunger! He just seems contantly grumpy and irritable.

We've had him at the doctors and tried reflux medication incase it was silent reflux but no change. Been dairy free since he was 12 weeks old as we were desperate but still the crying went on. I took him to a cranial osteopath when he was 4 months old behind DH's back as I was just completely desperate and DH was very sceptical and said it was a waste of money and in our case sadly after 3 sessions it was a complete waste.

What can I do to help him?

[CryBaby2305]

Oh and the thought of Christmas is just killing me. Trying to make it lovely for DS1, trying to cook, help the boys open presents and seeing family member with DS2 crying endlessly. I really hate people's comments and the way I feel so crap when I can't stop the crying. HELP!

[CheungFun]

I wish my DM was on MN! I was the baby from hell until I was 2 years old, constantly fussing and whining and only slept 4 hours in every 24!

I don't really have much advice as I've not had this situation, but on the clingyness front, have you tried a sling? I've got a 22lb 11 month old and I wear him on my back in a Connecta carrier (link below) when he's grumpy and won't let me do anything. It's good for cooking dinner, washing up and today he was terrified of the Hoover so he went on my back and stopped crying!

www.littlepossums.co.uk/slings/soft-slings.htm#connecta-integra

I have started giving my DS a snack at 10am and 2pm and this helped him a lot as he was getting quite grumpy in the afternoons but refusing milk. Is it worth trying to introduce a morning and afternoon snack to see if that helps at all?

Hope someone else comes along with more tips/ideas for you.

[pinkoyster]

CryBaby, I could have written your OP word for word. 21 month old DS was the whingiest, most miserable baby ever. In fact, the only memory I have of him prior to him walking (at 13 months) was just an incessant whinge, and I posted about it in great detail on this very board. It was getting so bad that I literally dreaded every morning staying at home with him (am a SAHM) cos I knew regardless of what we did, he would still cry and moan.

I have to say, it got a lot better once he was walking and even better once he started talking and communicating. He is absolutely delightful now-still high maintenance and wants lots of attention, but SOOO much better than he was.

I found getting out and about helped-shopping, the Park, anywhere. He'd still be a master whinger, but I used to pack loads of snacks to keep him entertained (for 2 minutes at a time) whilst I had a break. It's still difficult to go anywhere, or do something like have coffee with friends with him-he refuses to sit in a highchair/on my lap, preferring to wonder around around, and will still whinge if he doesn't have my undivided attention. I really sympathise as other people don't know how hard it is coping with a little person that wants so much. I hope it gets better soon-it WILL get better-but only a teeny tiny bit everyday until one day you realise that actually, today wan't so bad and you actually enjoyed being with each other. I'm ashamed to admit that it's only in the last 2 months that I've actually enjoyed being around him.

[capecath]

Hey, wow that sounds really hard. It does sound like he is getting enough sleep. What is his routine like? You may have it already (and I know harder with number 2) but thinking more structure and predictability may help? My DS1 is addicted to routine. Also if you are feeling guilty about not spending time with older DS, you may subconsciously be resenting your time with DS2 and he may be picking up on it.. tough one, but just a thought! Are you out and about much or at home? How much time do you spend playing with him and his toys at home?

[bishboschone]

Just to say my ds was / is like this . He is 15 months now and still very high maintenance . He had reflux and was crying every waking minute early on. He has always slept well thank goodness so I got a break but empathises as I know how draining it is! I cope by just getting on with stuff . If he is crying he is crying . I get comment but I ignore ( easier said than done I know )) ... The mums know him at school now and fortunately he is cute and can stop and smile if distracted ... My ds has definitely got better as he got older. Hang in there .

[CharlotteBronteSaurus]

just keep at it, and ignore your critics
give lots of warning if you're going to have to do something you know he won't like, whether it's leaving the park, or washing his hair
IMO some people just have less sunny dispositions than others - why should babies be any different?

DD2 is a bit of a grouch even now, and she's 2.1. Fresh air and regular feeding and watering helps, and when dd1's at school we spend a lot of time at groups, which distracts her a bit. And the general hubbub covers up the whinging a bit.

[Mumofthreeteens]

Poor you. It is very draining when they are like that. Ds2 started to scream at two weeks old and my memories of him was that he was a miserable little so and so until he could walk. Once he could run about he was happy. I think he just wanted to be like his db and dsis. I became a bit agrophobic as I found the crying etc exhausting. He is now 12 and is the most adorable, funny, sporty, determined little chap so there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Try an osteopath in case he has a physical problem.

[BlablaSos]

Been there, done all that. I'm sorry I don't have any advice but can tell you that my dd got sooo much happier once she started walking. The only other thing that kept her quiet was giving her a tub of grapes/ Raisens! Does yours have a dummy? If notable introduce one- may sound crazy at 11 months but it could just give you some peace!

[CryBaby2305]

Thank you all for replying. In a strange way it's very comforting to know others have been there and have survived it. DS1 wasn't what I'd call an easy baby, he needed a lot of attention and stimulation but was happy when he got it. DS2 doesn't seem happy no matter how much or how little we do with him :-(

Capecath you may be right about resenting him a little. I think I do sometimes but I am not sure I would do if he was easier as he wouldn't take quite so much time and attention off DS1 if that makes sense? I hope he's not aware of how draining I find him! I don't know how to fix it if he does which makes me feel even more guilty.

Bishboche he sounds very similar to your DS, it's just so hard isn't it? eems to have this idea what babies should be like and I'm afraid some babies are just hard work!

Thank you for offering hope mumofthreeteens! It's very goos to hear there is light at the end of the tunnel. Rationally I know he won't be baby forever but it's very hard to think rationally when he's whinging and crying all day.

Pinkoyster it sounds like you've been through hell too! It really is exhausting. I just hope when he walks he will improve but I just can't see it being any time soon. And I can SO totally relate to your feelings of not wanting to spend the day with him. I am a stay at home mum too and I find it so hard to know that once DS1 is at school it's just me and DS2 and the relentless crying til 3:30pm and I just don't know sometimes how I will get through it!

Thank you all for your advice and stories. It does help to know I am not the only one to go through this... though sometimes hearing the mums at the school gates you'd think their babies NEVER cried!

[bishboschone]

My dd is 7 and its been very hard for her . She had a lovely calm quiet house before he came . Does your ds like baths or anything else ? If ds is really upset ill bung him in the bath for toys ( he loves water ) ..

[pilotsprincess]

My dd has been much the same as you describe, especially when out and about in the pushchair, i know how hard it is, I'm a sahm and a lot of the time it's just us 2 and at times just getting out of the house has been more hassle than its worth, I've had all the "oh she's crying real tears" comments
She started walking a month ago and I can safely say its improved the whining dramatically, I don't think she will ever love being in her pushchair but it's definitely improved and yesterday we had a lovely day shopping with not much whinging
Definitely gets easier and your 11 months in so won't be too long before he's walking and communicating more, hang in there

[bishboschone]

I wonder If we are anywhere near each other ? We could have our own noisy meet up ! I'm in West Sussex .

[Bumpsadaisie]

My friends DD was much like this, she really got very low over it. When she started walking, things really changed - her DD is now 16 months, walking well, communicating much more, feeding herself and is v sunny and happy and sleeping brilliantly. We think she just hated being a baby!

Hopefully as your DS2 grows up a bit the same might happen. 11 months is a tricky age anyway - separation anxiety, trying to walk, trying to feed self etc. My son is 13 months and the last two months have been hard even though he is quite a sunny character generally.

[Mummygreene]

My little one is the same no matter what i do shes not happy we r first time parents and its so stressful i love her to peices but its just causing us to rowwhich mkes her worse

[Florentina33]

I am in the same situation... My baby is 11 months old (today😁) and she is very moody day time... Nights she use to sleep very well (with some exception). It is nice at least to talk with someone who can understand your feelings.

[LadyAlanPartridge]

I've got an 11 month old too who cries from the minute he wakes until he goes to bed. My almost 5 year old daughter doesn't get any attention which I want to give her now she is in school all day because if I move too far from my son he screams until he is sick. He has been a very clingy baby since he was born. No health issues and always fed well. Has never really slept much during the day but has been right through the night give or take a few whines when his dummy falls out since he was 8 weeks old. I've been with my partner for 16 years and until my son was born we've barely said a cross word to each other whereas now it's daily arguments because of our sons screaming. Just hoping once he walks it gets better as I don't know how much more we can take!

[chelxo]

@LadyAlanPartridge

I've got an 11 month old too who cries from the minute he wakes until he goes to bed. My almost 5 year old daughter doesn't get any attention which I want to give her now she is in school all day because if I move too far from my son he screams until he is sick. He has been a very clingy baby since he was born. No health issues and always fed well. Has never really slept much during the day but has been right through the night give or take a few whines when his dummy falls out since he was 8 weeks old. I've been with my partner for 16 years and until my son was born we've barely said a cross word to each other whereas now it's daily arguments because of our sons screaming. Just hoping once he walks it gets better as I don't know how much more we can take!

I could write this word for word please tell me it's starting to get better? 😭 xx

[AliceW89]

@chelxo I’ve not posted on this thread before, but didn’t want to leave you hanging. My DS (now 20 months) was the most miserable, whiny, clingy, fussy baby you can imagine. It drove me to despair. The first year or so of his life was the worst of mine, with the absolute pits being 10-14 months. Really pathetic I know, but I hated all the other women with their happy, cooing, smile at anyone or anything babies.

My DS never crawled or bum shuffled so was completely still. Within the space of about 3 months, between about 15-18 months he started walking, running, sleeping through the night and talking. It’s like a switch has been flicked in those 3 months. He’s the most sociable, charming, cheerful wee boy. He still needs a lot of attention and won’t humour being on his own for more than a few minutes, but other than that he’s now quite easy as far as toddlers go.

Hang in there, just to echo what a lot of people said on this thread back in 2012, some babies just hate being babies.

[chelxo]

Thank-you for the reassurance. He is crawling and I seen a slight change there but I'm just preying when walking his switch flicks too. It has been a tough year and I too have been drove to dispair. Thankyou for replying and reassurance. It means a lot xxx

[AHos123]

Just read rhis and it's like reading about my baby. She is 11 months today and cries all the time. Was told it was colic early on and drs just said some babies are difficult. I'm on my own with her and sometimes think I've done it, because it's just me and her, so she's clingy and has separation anxiety, and convince myself she knows how to push my buttons which is ridiculous given her age. She sleeps well at night, but only naps for 30 minutes twice a day - it's like she wakes after a rem cycle and then the winging starts again. I take her to a class and feel jealous if the other babies who laugh and constantly smile because that's not my girl. Got it into my head she's autistic but i dont suppose I coukd tell at such a young age. Any advice would be wonderful.

[chelxo]

@AHos123 @AHos123 if you look back you can see this was me. I never come on Mumsnet any more but when I seen the email saying someone had wrote on the thread I had flashbacks to my dispair and felt I had to reply. He literally never ever stopped screaming wouldn't go to any one and I felt awful all of the time. I did get diagnosed with post natal around 8m and it did deffo help being put on sertraline. But my baby is now 2. He's still very highly strung 😂 but god he's so happy now he is lovely and I think it turned a corner when he could walk. Once he was on his feet independent he was so much happier. I just think he totally hated being a baby 😂. He still doesn't like people he don't know but will go to nursery and his nans. He is a shadow of his former self he plays with his older brother and is a right character. He makes me cry laughing now as opposed to cry with dospair !!! It will get better! I promise! You've got this! Xxx 

[AHos123]

Thank you for being kind enough to reply - I'm happy to hear you are better and your little one sounds as if he's thriving. My girl can't be far off walking now and I hope you are right and that helps. I over think things and tiredness makes it worse. I'm so grateful for advice and assurance 🤗

[Condor3]

Did it get better. We're experiencing this niw.

[LilyCole]

Wow, I could not resonate with these posts more if I tried. My little boy is just 11 months old and from the day he was born has seemed very intense. When he’s upset he won’t ever let out a whimper or grizzle, it’ll be a real demand at the top of his lungs. He is extremely whingey during the day. He will cry in the car, in the stroller, you name it.

I haven’t felt able to participate in my ante natal group meet ups or attend baby classes as each outing seems to leave me a hot sweaty mess and desperate to get home with my screaming baby! It also leaves me feeling frustrated and even worse, resentful of other mums with more contented babies. I don’t feel like much has come easy for us and it makes me feel sad.

It’s so reassuring to know I’m not alone. I met some friends yesterday and as soon as we entered the room my baby started screaming (almost tantrum like). My friend (a mum herself) well intentioned asked “oh is he having a bad day?” I felt like saying no, this is “normal” for us!

Like others have said he seems to experience teething, regressions, stranger anxiety and certain issues more intensely. It should go without saying I love him more than words can say, but it is can be difficult and oh so very isolating!