I hate mealtimes and have done for 4 years now. DS is 4 and has issues with food (likely due to illness in his first year) since week 4. We finally sought help last year and have seen paediatricians, SALTs and dieticians. It hasn't stopped the number of acceptable foods declining. We are mow down to plain/dry carbs and soft desserts/smoothies and chocolate. We hide supplements in the smoothies!
Over the past year we have got so much better at keeping things calm at mealtimes and trying to avoid pressuring him to eat (i give myself 3 "eat ups" per meal). But all that means is that the stress gets bottled up.
Anyway having ruled out physical and social/communication issues it seems to come down to phobias. He is a cautious chap and doesn't like mess or lumps/bits. The last SALT i saw actually knew what she was talking about and said that if we did nothing else we should do desensitisation exercises. We plan to use the ones in Just Take A Bite http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1932565124?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 here. This thread is partly to record that process and keep us on track.
We dont know anyone else with a resistant eater and so have noone to let off steam with. I hope there are some of you out there in a similar situation who want to share? Particularly if you are further down this road - i want to hope that these execrises will work but hope faded a couple of years back if i am honest :(
If you have read this and and are thinking about posting about your dc who isnt that keen on veg or that "kids will not starve themselves" then please don't bother. You are way out of your depth and i get enough of this in rl! Sorry to sound rude but i am hoping to find some people who understand how utterly helpless i feel
Anyone out there?
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resistant eater support thread - come and join me.....
tricot39 · 08/11/2012 19:32
cantmakecarrotcake with regards to food jags - normally children will have fads where they eat the same thing everyday, then stop eating it for a while but will go back to it. Someone like my DS will eat the same things for months on end and then out of the blue stop eating it and will never go back to it. He ate pasta with mascarpone cheese for literally months, perhaps even for a year and a half and then it just stopped. He won't even try it now. Same with ice cream - apparently he is "not into ice cream any more" (his words). I think it's a common theme.
Today, I asked him what he had at school for lunch. "I had sausages, beans, carrots and potatoes." My son the fantasist! I asked his teacher, she said he had Yorkshire pudding. Actually, I was happy with that because its something new. 
tricot I bought that Osborne book to encourage him think about why we eat. He was able to name all the digestive body parts and how they worked and what they were for. Did it make him eat more? No!DS was really into it when we first bought it (about a year ago!) Might encourage him to look it again. Today, he helped me set the table and helped me clear it up. I praised him for eating but did not say oh try more or even, if you eat so many I will give you a sweet (bad mum I know). I was quite proud of myself.
I know what you mean, tricot. DS will quite happily help me chop up mushrooms and peel garlic etc but not do the eating.
I know too well about the despair, I really really do 
but I don't think we can ever lose hope as it keeps us going, doesn't it?
Lol, the 'let them help you prepare the food' suggestion. Alongside the 'they won't starve themself' statement. For normal children, that might be true. For the kind of children we are talking about, normal rules do not apply...
Many times I spent cooking with DD2. She loved it. Never ate a bean. Obviously, I wouldn't have expected her to eat something as weird as a bean, but a plain tomato sauce? Nah...
But as I said, she is now so much better. She had broccoli for tea (with other things of course), and then asked for a carrot and prawn crackers! After eating a school dinner (which lets face it, CAN be rather weird...).
Hang in there
Oh that's great cantmake. That really is a victory :)
My DS made me laugh yesterday. As he was eating his lunch (a whole one egg omelette and dry toast - wow!), he said that he was worried about his friend R and when I asked why, he said and, I quote verbatim, "R is going to get ill because he doesn't eat or drink very much." 
His friend's mum was telling me when we brought the boys together for a playdate that he had only had 2 bites of a sandwich that day.
I have small victory to report. As I was grating cheese, DS said he wanted to try a tiny bit. He has never, ever asked to try anything before. He didn't like it and spat it out and said yuck but it's still a victory.
Loving the small victory, Pop. Keep trying the cheese (nonchalantly of course). Hopefully he'll be interested enough to eat some more.
We saw the paediatrician this afternoon. DD has gained weight/length and crossed the 0.4th centile. He was pleased with that and has opted for 'masterful inactivity' until she's 2.3 when her growth hormones have a greater influence over her growth. I've come away pleased with the progress but slightly disappointed not to have any more strategy going forward than keep doing what you're doing.
For those not giving supplements, he attributed her good gain on the supplements. Obviously, the don't provide calories in themselves, but the general feeling of good nutrition and well being boosts appetite apparently (the other paediatrician we saw said the same about an iron supplement.
Onwards and hopefully upwards!
Pop/Tricot, I remember that program. I think I watched it pre-DD and was horrified for those poor children/families. Agree, a book would be good - I'm still waiting for the one Tricot mentioned in her OP to be delivered.
We use a Wellkid supplement. DD hasn't really suffered constipation so we're lucky on that front.
Just looked properly at DD's red book and the height gain is quite considerable in the last few months. If she continues that trajectory she may even catch up
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Good luck with the book and scrapbook, Tricot, agree about the glimmers of hope. A few of them are even real so hopefully this will be one of them.
Tricot - joining the party late and not reading 99 posts, so sorry if this has already been said. Are the sensitisation issues only related to food, or are there other ones - like scratchy labels in jumpers and not liking fast moving playground equipment? DD2 had sensory integration disorder, and so was fussy about texture in food, but it wasn't a food issue. Once we treated her for her sensory integration disorder she ate pretty much anything - expect yoghurt with bits in, which is still considered Satan.
DD3 is becoming a right pain in the arse madam about food. She is refusing anything with sauce, most meat except sausage and ham, potatoes in almost all varieties and is essentially trying to live on fruit, yoghurt, bread and chocolate spread. With her it is definitely control issues rather than anything else though - she is trying to exert her authority over me. It still makes me need 
at meal times though.
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