DS 4 1/2 regularly saying he hates me :(

[decaffeinated]

I'm fed up.

My DS has just started school, and is being really difficult in the mornings. Will not dress himself, won't go to the toilet, won't brush his teeth.

I'm losing my patience with it, and every time I get cross, or ask him to do something he thinks he doesn't want to do he tells me he hates me. The other day he said dramatically 'I am not your son. I hate you'.

Tbh I didn't know whether to laugh or cry - surely a 14 year old can be expected to say something like that, but a 4 year old?! Anyway, I suppose I've just got to ignore it. I usually say 'we don't say 'hate', it's not a nice word and you do'nt understand what it means. I love you anyway'.

I am feeling guilty as I've shouted at him this morning, as usual this means he's even less willing to get up and dressed and as usual he's told me he hates me. Again.

On a good day I can talk him round with fun and turn it all into a game, but some mornings I just want to get on and get out the house. Am I living in a dream world? Am I being unreasonable?

Sigh. I know that games and outwitting him is by far the superior method, as although exhausting is also quite good fun. And in the bigger scheme of things what is all the rush about anyway - we always get there in the end.

Some days parenting is the most infuriating job in the world. Does anyone have any tips for getting through the dreaded morning rush?

[chole1]

What about getting him up half an hour earlier?

[onceortwice]

My DS hates school and getting him there is a real bind.... but I find it's easier if I don't nag him at all until 8:45 / 8:50 (we are a two minute walk from his school so that's easy for us).

I have everything ready for him and then 2 minutes before we have to leave, I just say 'RIght, that's it... dressed, teeth, wee out the door (I've put his toothbrush in the downstairs loo to help with that). Yes, he wails a bit, but it's only a couple of minutes and he's out of the door before he can get a real tantrum on

This is what works for us.

[kphr]

I often have the same type of thing, especially in the mornings, and it feels awful when my son says horrible things (eg. "shut up stupid mother"), and even more awful when I lose my temper and shout at him.

It helped quite a lot when I found a time when he was relaxed and sat down with him to talk about it - about how the mornings were a problem and how there were things we need to do quite quickly in the mornings, and how we feel bad when we say bad things to each other. He and I both then suggested things we could do to make the mornings better. I wrote all the suggestions down, and we picked the ones we agreed could work (he had suggested "not brush teeth" and I wrote it down but we talked about teeth rotting and he agreed I should cross that off the list). "Only say nice things" was one idea on the list, and "tick things off when I've done them" (that worked very well - a list of about 3 things he had to do stuck on the fridge, and when he did one, he ticked it) and "read a story while I eat breakfast". I can't remember what else.
But talking with him about it and getting his ideas definitely helped - that is a idea from the book How to Talk so your Kids will Listen and Listen so your Kids will Talk. (The effect did wear off a bit after a couple of weeks, but it didn't feel so bad and we talked again and got more ideas.)

[neverwhere]

I second getting him up half an hour early. Also yy to making a list and getting him to tick when done.

[100mph]

Sounds very familiar to me too. DS started nursery a month ago and his attitude has generally gone down hill - Lots of 'No!' to almost anything I ask him - especially practical things like toothbrushing etc.. 'I'm not your friend!' is another gem. The shouting and resistance is very draining. The nursery said when they start going they often push boundaries so let's hope it improves. Otherwise - like OP, I veer between trying creative methods/ jollying him along and losing it / raising my voice.. The latest effort is being awarded (allowed to wear for a time) a medal for getting ready in good time - A costume chain and 'CND/peace' pendant...

[wildwestapplepie]

I have similar experience with my middle child. She ?hates ?everything but most often ?this house?, ?this family ?and ?this life?, then me. She is preteen, mind you and I am a little worried about it. This has been going on for 4-5 years at least.