I really need an honest opinion,help.

[gracej]

Hello everyone.
I really hope you can take some time to read my story and tell me your honest opinion, I am extremely worried about DS,he is 10months (first baby).
When he was born we noticed that for about 2 or 3 weeks he made no eye contact at all, we put it down to being too young although most books say that new borns should be really interested in human faces.
I remember at about 3 months, how all the babies in my NCT group would be kicking and moving and playing with baby gyms, DS would just lay there and look around the room, but not move a finger.
For ages we put toys around him to try and get him to move, but he would just look at them and it they were not in reach he would just stare at them.
Since he became about 71/2 months old he started to become more interested in toys and now he will play with them.
He only sits, does not bottom shuffle, but since last week he has started to move his truck more, for example if there is a toy next to him out of reach, he will move his truck and bend his legs as if going on fours (this is a huge improvement to just sitting!!) But he is so behind his peers on motor skills.
He does not clap or copy or point. And when we are with other people he appears to get a little agitated, always looking for me. He does not smile at other people when they smile at him, only DH and me. He loves staring at the washing machine. Doesn't always answer to his name, only when he feels like it.
I am so desperate, DH keeps saying that he simply is a late developer and there is nothing wrong with that, but DH does not go to all the playgroups and does not have the opportunity to see the enormous diference between DS and other babies his age. Could it be that he simply is a little slower that other babies?
Sorry this is so long, but would really appreciate your opinions. Thank you.

[Charleesawmummykissingsanta]

i think he sounds fine, honestly, i go to baby gym with ds and i find it difficult hes the only one not walking yet, ever since he was born i have worried about his development, he never crawled untill a few weeks ago and hes 14 months!

[margyfargy]

If this is any help my son didn't make eye contact until he was over 3 months old (around the time he started to smile). He also spent most of the first 3 months crying.

The explanation I was given was that he suffered from 'immature vision' and that he probably found it difficult to focus on anything, possibly giving him a headache. He did seem to like looking at bright lights or things that had distinct contrasts.

He didn't learn to sit up until he was nearly 7 months old.

He is now an extremely robust, very active 10 year old!

I found all this really worrying considering I already had one child who appeared to follow the text book version of development.

If you have any concerns speak to your health visitor - let them know you are worried. They should be able to do simple tests to see if they have any concerns, but I am sure there isn't anything to worry about as all children develop at different rates.

[KiwiKate]

Your ds is probably doing other things that some of the other kids are not doing. I agree with Mommie - I also threw out my child development books. When we were kids there was no pressure on parents about when we sat/crawled/walked. My boy was a late walker, but he developed some other skills early (at 7 months old, leaned across the doctor's desk, helped himself to a tissue and blew his nose quite matter-of-factly - and doc said "he shouldn't be able to do that yet"). BTW he crawled for about 2 weeks and then went on to walk at one year old. Some kids don't crawl/bum shuffle at all!!!!!

Your ds sounds quite bright (answers to his name when he wants to). Perfectly normal . He'll do this for YEARS to come!

Try not to compare him to other kids. There will always be kids ahead of him in some areas of development (and he'll be ahead of some kids in some areas of development). You'll just drive yourself and him nuts.

There is a very good reason that the doctors don't want to diagnose before three - because there is a whole "range" of normal development, and by 3 most kids are walking, talking, pointing etc. This is when things tend to level out.

What is normal for your son might not be normal for someone else.

[baka]

graqcej if you are worried about autism there is no way that you will find anyone who is willing to work with you until 15/18 months at least (and you would have to pay them- early intervention doesn't really exist in the UK).

10 months is too young to tell- you cannot tell at 10 months. I know because we spend a lot of time in the family analysing ds3 (becuase he is such high risk). I could take him to every specialist in the land and they wouldn't be able to tell yet because the behaviours that distinguish an autistic child from a typically developing one haven't developed yet. If he was too passive, or too unsettled I could suspect, but I couldn't tell.

[Lizzylou]

Just to add to other posts, my DS is 20mths and will only smile at immediate family and friends that he really knows...we get people coming up in supermarkets and trying to chat to him, but he is shy and just stares woefully at them, I have had some funny (NOT ha ha) remarks...but to be honest, he doesn't know them from Adam! From what I have witnessed at groups boys tend to be more clingy anyway.
He has also only just started to talk and babble more coherently and has started to say a few words.
Speak with your HV/GP but please don't worry they all develop at different rates.

[Colettefl]

I haven't had a chance to read the replies but from reading your initial message I would urge you to get your child's eyesight tested.
My ds1 had his eyesight tested at 7 weeks due to other health issues, we thought it was just a standard test, another one of the hundreds we were having due to a syndrome he was born with, but actually it turned out he had sight problems.

He was smiling and doing everyhting other babies were (and even now friends say that was the case, they weren't being polite to us at the time) but it was only when he actually got glasses we noticed what a difference it made. He could actually see properly, the look on his face when he first put them on and could see so much more was amazing.

It would do no harm to get his eyesight checked, and you could rule it out if it's not a problem, but if it is it is so easily helped. My ds is 5 next month and the glasses make his life so much better.

At a young age you have to get a referral to orthoptists or opthalmologists at your local hospital, rather than a local optician, but your HV should be able to arrange this easily.

Good Luck

[gracej]

Thank you for all your posts. Coletteft, I will follow your advice and get his eyesight tested.
One important thing I forgot to mention on my first post, is that DS was babbling away at 8 months (the only sounds he would make was bababa). I remember he would wake me up in the morning because he was chatting so much. For the last 4 weeks he has stopped babbling, he does make sounds, but not the babab, dadada, you would expect.
Have any of you with healthy babies gone through periods were your baby stopped chatting for a few weeks and then started again?

[clary]

Grace he sounds fine to me.
As others have said, not all babies bottom shuffle in fact most don?t. My ds1 didn?t crawl until he was 11 mo, and in fact not all babies crawl either.
The important things at 10mo re gross mototr are: does he sit up (yes) and does he take his weight on his legs? If yes then no worries. Babies do vary in this, I had a 16.5mo walker and a 9mo walker!
On the interaction front, 10mo is too young to expect him to point. It sounds as tho he is interested in toys and you. Some babies don?t smile at anyone they don?t know, that?s not a worry.
I know it?s the lot of a mother to worry, and we all compare with others, but as NQC says, we see what other babies can do and not what they can?t. Children are all so differnt and yr ds sounds fine
I see that baka has posted, she knows a lot about autism and child development and her post is very sensible (as ever!)
If autism is yr concern, I agree the not crawling etc thing is not the main issue. i think as baka says you need to keep a watchful eye. DX and thus treatment is possible much earlier than 3 afaik.

[Lizzylou]

Re: Chatting for a while and then stopping, my Ds did this, I remember thinking I was going to have an early talker on my hands and then...nothing, for ages.
He is still very hit and miss with words...he has only just started saying Momma, but has been saying Tickle/Tractor/Bubble/Digger for ages....he just is very contrary!

[baka]

gracej- ds3 has also slowed down on the babbling, but babbling is different from speech and it may just be a change from babble to menaingful sounds that is taking place iyswim. For example ds3 has babbled mamamamama without meaning for ages, nut over the last week has stopped that. However when I went into his room this morning as soon as he saw me he said "mama". Now I'm nt sure he has attributed a meaning to it yet, but it did seem more purposeful than previously.

IN the case of autism the real problem is loss of actual proper words (which is what ds1 did). I never worry too much about babble. Ds2 was a very late babbler, can't shut him up now (he's 3)

[gracej]

Just arrived from a mum and baby group, and I am SO frustrated. DS just cried and whined all the way through as if someone was depriving him of food and sleep!! I made sure he was fed and had a nap.
I had to hold him and be with him most of the time and even that didn't calm him down,eventually I just gave in and left.
He just really seems to ge so nervous when there are too many people around. I hope it is just a phase.
I remember seeing babies like him when I didn't have one and thinking, "what a spoilt baby, I'll never have one of those". That'll show me!!!

[KiwiKate]

they all have off days Gracej. Maybe he's teething?

it is normal for childrent to learn one thing (eg babble/talk) and then stop for a while or seem to go backwards. this is because they are often learning how to do something else.

[gracej]

Hi KiwiKate, he is not teething. He is such a lovely little boy when we are alone at home, he smiles at DH and I, he is very good natured and not a problem at all (unless he is tired or hungry, normal). It is when we go these playgroups he just gets extremely upset.
I am not a psychologist, but I think that the more I expose him to babies and people in general the better it will be for him in the long run. Nevertheless, after taking him to plenty of groups the situation does not seem to improve.
When I take him to his swimming lessons (where there are other babies) he is very happy, maybe because I hold him all the time?

[gemma97]

Hi gracej, just to let you know that my 9+ month dd (my first baby too) sounds quite similar to your ds. She is just below average weight (according to the chart) but the other babies we know of similar age seem to be much bigger, stronger and more mobile. Dd likes to sit and is not mobile at all. She is a happy little thing but only babbles when she feels like it. I think she is happy with things the way they are, at the moment she is sitting playing with my feet!!!!!

Anyway, please enjoy you lovely baby while he is not pulling your home to bits...I certainly am. At the same time , if you are worried, ask for professional advice sooner rather than later for your own peace of mind.

[gracej]

hi gemma97, my case is the opposite, DS is on the 90 perc. for length, he is a big baby.
Thanks for your reassurance, today I feed much better. DH and I noticed last night that DS is understanding plenty of words so it really made me feel better.
Having said that, the GP has agreed to refer him so that we can follow him up at a specialist clinic every three months and make sure he is developing within reason. So obviously the GP does think that my concerns are worth observing. I prefer this (even if there is nothing wrong) rather than worrying so much not knowing if I'm just being paranoid, at least I will get the opinion of doctors that specialise in this sort of thing (rather than just the GP).
Wish me luck !

[paprika]

gracej- I remember you replying to one of my threads a while back and I aplogise again if I sparked off any concerns for you with your DS. I am still worried that my 10.5 month DS is not clapping (he sometimes shows signs but is not doing it) or waving so I am not a great one to talk but just wanted to say a coouple of things. I think the fact that he is clingy to you at playgroups but not at home is a v. positive thing. I love it when DS looks for me at a playgroup setting and I worry when he ignores me while exploring the room! As others have said, don't worry about the crawling/ mobility with regard to autism. I never crawled and admittedly was pleased when DS did at 9 months but it didn't make me think-'right, I know he's not autistic now' iyswim.

One other thing, what kind of personality has your DS got. My DS is laid back/ stubborn/ independent/ very cheeky. everything is on his terms- will refuse to open his mouth to for me to feed him unless he's fiddling/playing with something in his hands! All my friends' babies seem eager to please and are like little birds to feed. Personality must come into play a little with when they achieve things. Please someone correct me if I'm talking rubbish! x

[baka]

blimey - are you in the UK? Can I move to your area? Specialist clinic every 3 months????? I'm absolutely staggered such a thing even exists in the UK to be honest. Great that it does- my plan with ds3 is to buy in help and assessment if he isn't pointing by 10 months. If there was a service like that near us I wouldn;t have to.

[gracej]

Hi baka, yes I am in england. I call it specialist because that is what the GP called it, maybe she was exagerating? you've made me wonder now. As soon as I get the appointment info through the post I'll let you know the name of the clinic, etc.

Paprika, yes it was me that read your post and answered. Personality-wise, DS is very laid back. He eats very well, but if he does not like something he will not have it,he does not scream, he just does not open his mouth. He seems to need more sleep than your average baby. He has recently started (I think) to attempt clapping, but he doesn't seem to get it right just yet, the two hands just don't meet, which seems a bit odd doesn't it? He did try to wave the other day,for the first time, but hasn't tried since.
It is clear that he will not be the outgoing extrovert type. You are so lucky your baby is crawling (envy you but not in a horrible way)

[paprika]

baka- are you serious about getting DS3 assessed at 10 months for not pointing? I know he is higher risk because of his big bro but I thought 10 months was early for pointing?

[fredly]

gracej, your ds is the exact copy of my dd, who is 14m, and I really don't understand why you worry so much. He's perfectly normal.

[paprika]

gracej It sounds like he is getting motivated and will be mobile v. soon. I am very of your DS being a good eater. DS projectile vomits on anything lumpy and on most finger foods. He has awful reflux- pretty grim!

[LIZS]

gracej, neither of mine were keen on toddler groups. ds was a bit more relaxed once he was comfortable and familiar with the environment but dd had the most dreadful separation anxiety and it took ages (from 5 months until 2ish) before she'd participate freely, without my holding her or being immediately to hand. Your ds is at the most common age for this to develop.

[baka]

No paprika I;m not getting him assessed because I'm not worried yet. But I think for children like him who are at a huge risk compared to the general public then something like the situation gracej described I think is ideal. Unfortunately the only way we coud get it would be through a sibling study and I haven;t managed to find any atm (although they would snatch him up if there was one running).

If he isn;t poinitng at 15 months then I will get him referred (I;ve already told the HV) and will buy in consultancy from pyramid (pecs trainers). At the moment I'm 80-90% certain he's ok so hopefully won't have to do any of it. m

[paprika]

Ah OK, thanks for clearing that up baka. Was slightly panicking for a while there! Wondered if I could pick your brains actually (sorry to hijack again gracej)? To follow a point, do you have to be pointing at something in the distance or just somehting in the room? DS seems to be following my finger better and looking beyond it at a picture on the wall or something but not always. I am grasping at straws to try and reassure myself I know!

[KiwiKate]

my ds is 2.5yo and still not keen on looking where I point. He is perfectly normal - just not interested in what I'm pointing out. Isn't the concern more if THE CHILD does not point, rather than does not follow your pointing?