3 year old with delayed speech and behaviour. Really need advice.

[ConnorTraceptive]

I'm so cross with myself. I have been coincerned about ds's speech for a year. We have seen the HV twice and will be seeing her again next month and I am kicking myself now for not insisting on a referal sooner.

I had let myself believe her when she said there was nothing to be concerned about and he would probably improve when he started pre school.

Now we're a year down the line and although his speech has made some progress the gap between him and his peers is very wide both in terms of speech and behaviour.

I'm hoping someone wise here will have some suggestions of activities and strategies I can use to help him on a bit.

My main concerns are:

1 - Only has around 30-40 recognisable words (although he will echo quite a lot of different words now if that makes sense). Has started to string maybe one or two words together but no real sentences

2 - Does not engage really in two way conversation. So if I ask "do you want juice etc" he will answer yes or no but if I ask a question such as "Did you have fun at school today?" or "Have you been doing some painting?" I will get no response at all

3 - Plays with toys and concerntrates on them well but always alone. Never plays alongside other children.

4 - No sense of personal danger

5 - Will not look at books or sit and listen to a story, never has

He's very affectionate and loving towards people and does love attention from adults. Although he doesn't play with children he does love to wrestle around with ds1.

How can I help him along. He goes to pre school a total of 7 and half a week at the moment and that will go up to 15 hours in September. I'm wondering if he needs to go more now though.

Any advice please???

[ConnorTraceptive]

Yeah always makes me feel like an arse for raising my voice!

[ConnorTraceptive]

Managed to catch the health visitor before end of surgery have brought forward appointment to Thursday. How insistent can I be about wanting a hearing test, speech therapy referral and paediatric referral. I want all three now not just speech

[queenofboak]

@ tastetherainbow thanks

Connor, just tell her that's what you would like and ask what the procedure is for your area. For example in my area (Kent) a referral was sent to a multi-team that have a monthly meeting and decide on the basis of the HV report what appointments are needed, just pead or pead and hearing etc.

[tastetherainbow]

all i can say is raise your concerns with the healt visitor, tell her how you feel and see what her professional opinion is. do what i did, i took my kid the docs and said i want him tested for diabetes as he wont stop drinking and want him tested for adhd, not because im convinvced thats what the problem was but to just 'rule it out' so that i can continue down another avenue.... your doing nothing wrong, there should be more parents out there that care deeply and want to solve the problem with there kids instead of using them as trophys.. xxx

[ConnorTraceptive]

Cheeky bump for the evening crowd.

[CarGirl]

My dd passed 2 NHS hearing tests. By fluke she had one done privately and her hearing wasn't "normal" it was too sensitive in the low frequencies and she was near hear
ing impaired in the high frequencies and normal in the mid frequencies - no wonder she could hardly be understood!

My dd had very good understanding though and played imaginatively under the age of 3 (probably due to be the youngest of 4!) so it doesn't completely mirror your ds experiences. I just wanted to make the point that poor hearing can make an absolute huge difference. Something as simple as recurrent glue ear can be a cause of much of you've said - they stop trying to communicate because it's too much effort.

Be very persistant in getting SALT & hearing test referrals and then take it from there.

[tastetherainbow]

CarGirl i said that i thought she might have hearing problems... as i have seen these symptoms before... lack of vocabuary.. etc etc at least now i know i wasnt the only one thinking it

[CarGirl]

My other dd that had hearing problems had a personality change after grommits were fitted - went from a near selective mute introvert to chatty and outgoing at school!

I have a colleague whose son was truly horrendous as a young child, ruined birthday parties with appalling behaviour etc (mothers words not mine) turned out he had chronic ear problems so couldn't hear and was in pain.

[ConnorTraceptive]

Thanks cargirl. Is there a standard hearing test that they do or should I be asking for any specific tests? I have had to leave parties because ds won't sit and watch the magician and causes chaos

[2old4thislark]

ConnorTraceptive you just described by DS when he was 3 - he's now 18!

His speech was very delayed and he would get frustrated when we didn't understand. It was very noticeable as my DD was having converstaions before her 2nd birthday! We went along the hearing test route but nothing was really conclusive. They thought he had glue ear but not bad enough to be given gromets.

All through school I expected that someone would insist something was wrong and he's end up with some extra help and a label! His written work was terrible and he seemed to struggle to pick the bones out of any information to work out what he needed to know.

Anyway here is where I would like to give you some hope. Somehow it all came good. He got good GCSE's results, did an IT diploma and is now working while he tries to join the police. He is a charming, polite boy with a lovely girlfriend. He passed his driving test 7 weeks after his 17th birthday!

And he showed me something he had written for a job application earlier this week and I was literally gobsmacked! Grown up English, long words and made perfect sense.

Some children just take a long time to get there but they will in the end.

[CarGirl]

It's the same hearing test but it was just that the NHS one they assumed she just wasn't co-operating rather not actually unable to hear

The other thing to consider is auditory processing disorder - physically hearing is fine but their brain can't translate the sounds properly. In fact when glue ear occurs the problem is that they don't hear properly for a while and then when it clears the brain has to relearn to understand sound again.

Our brains are amazing things!

[ConnorTraceptive]

Thanks 2old your son sounds lovely ands it good to know they get there in the end!

I can imagine ds coming across as very uncooperative during a hearing test

[2old4thislark]

Mine did - I think he messed it up - not sure if it was deliberate or not.

And it was really only in the last few years that everything slotted into place. He spent far too much of his early teen years in his bedroom on the computer. Last summer he was out so much I began to forget what he looked like

[lingle]

Hi OP, sounds like you are ready to channel that crossness into action. We are here to help you get busy! I apologise if my advice sounds brusque - I'm out of the other end of all this now so don't have that strong intense empathy I used to have.....

Ignore people who tell you it'll all be fine. I had two kids with language delay. One sorted itself out. I assumed the second would too - it didn't - he needed lots and lots of help, mainly from me. You don't know what camp your boy falls into and certainly no stranger does.

1. book hearing test
   
2. buy both Hanen books: "It Takes Two to Talk" and "More than Words" and follow them religiously. It Takes Two is totally non-scary and suitable if you might be paralysed by the mention of isms and sydrome-y words. It can also be shown to husbands/partners/relatives who want to help but might be scared at talk of doctors, etc, so it's a great tool in managing your "team" of well-wishers and channeling their energy in a positive way. "More than Words" does talk about ASD (which I confess made me reluctant to buy it because I don't like labels) but in an extremely positive way - from your posts, I think you'll benefit hugely from it.
   

Hanen books are available for about £32 from Winslow publications. Any speech therapist will know of them and be glad to see you are already using the techniques. If Hanen techniques don't work, you'll know you need to step things up another gear (probably using something called ABA which the SN needs board people can tell you about).


Other issues: if you rule out deafness and problems finding or forming words with his mouth (speech therapist will advise) then it is highly like that he has "hidden" problems processing/understanding language in some way (otherwise he'd be talking....). My sons both had a "pure" receptive language delay (problems understanding language). The Hanen books will help you with this, especially More than Words. See also the DVD "Teach me to Listen and Obey" (don't be put off by the title) available from teachmetotalk.com. You sson sounds ready for DVD number 2 but you'll benefit from buying both.

also, it is highly likely that he'll benefit from visual clues. "More than Words" is great for this too. To test this, take lots of photos of everyday destinations and people in your life and make them accessible either on the wall or in a photo album that lives in your car. Show him the photo when you talk about what's happening. The idea is that the visual stuff acts as a scaffold to his understanding and speech.

Lastly, I strongly agree with totalchaos that plonking him in more pre-school play-groups is only a small part of the answer. If he was developmentally ready to start interactions with other kids at a 3-year-old level, that would be fine. But if he needs to catch up on some earlier foundational skills first, those are going to come from you. You have to work with the stage he's at, however tempting it is to make him do the same as other kids (that'll come later).

Good luck, apologies again for being so forthright. if you ever want a giggle do an advanced search for me on this board with the title "is my son's musicality hindering his speech development" and you'll see I wasn't always so sure of myself.

PS My sons are both thriving now. The one whose language matched your son's at 3.6 now has a normal vocabulary and has virtually overcome his problems understanding language. He is a very sociable member of the reception class (we deferred for a year) and, whilst his playskills are immature (he's five but is going through a three-year-old's phase of "you are my best friend, no you're not any more") they are developing nicely. I have no fears for his future and totalchaos can vouch for the fact that that was not the case at 3.6. I did not obtain a diagnosis but most of my peers took a different approach and sought diagnosis for their kids. I would have got a diagnosis at 3.6 but don't think I would now.

[Davsmum]

My daughter raised concerns about her son ( who is nearly 5 now) when he was two and a half - Since then he has been having speech therapy.
He sounds very similiar to your son, Connortraceptive, from your description.

My daughter was told he would be fine but he has started mainstream school and no one can really make out what he is saying. He has had hearing tests which were ok, and he is now seeing a neurologist and a paediatrician.
They ruled out Autism because he is affectionate and will play with other children, although not what you would call 'normally' He gets overexcited and scares them. I thought Autism was a wide spectrum meaning he could be somewhere on that spectrum but she has been told he is probably not.
It is very frustrating because this has been going on since he was 2 and he is at school now and no one knows why he is 'different' !

[ConnorTraceptive]

Lingle thank you so much for your post I appreciate forthright and practical! TBH I think that's what I need now, some clear direction so I can knuckle down and start helping him.

I will order those books and dvd's today thank you very much.

Davsmum sorry to hear that your daughter hasn't been helped the way she should have been TBH this is exactly what I want to avoid. I don't want to get to the school years and not have put in place the right support.

[Davsmum]

Sometimes its an uphill struggle ConnorTraceptive,.. My daughter wanted to avoid it and although she is getting help now it takes so long to progress ! It gets confusing too because everyone has different views on what she should and should not be doing.
I really wish you good luck and hope you get all th ehelp you want and need

[ConnorTraceptive]

Lingle I'm struggling to get those books Amazon are out of stock or the private sellers are wanting around £64.00.

I've been on the Hanen website but it is US will they ship??

[ConnorTraceptive]

Thanks Lady you're a star!

[ConnorTraceptive]

Well have got all the referrals I asked for and health visitor has put our name down for a communications and social skills group that is run by an occupational therapist. Just waiting for the woman that runs it to call me back. It starts in a couple of weeks so hopefully that will be helpful.

Annoyingly the waiting list for speech therapy is up to 6 months which I'm not happy about. We could probably find the money for a private assessment in the mean time which I think I will look into.

Have ordered the books too

[lingle]

yes get a private assessment. If it should turn out that a big part of the problem is moving the mouth muscles (doesn't sound like it but who knows?) then therapists give you exercises. Otherwise, it really tends to be you that "does" the speech therapy, with the professional being more like your coach....

[ConnorTraceptive]

Thanks lingle I have made an appointment with a private speech therapist for next Monday. I'm happy to do what ever activities/therapies he needs myself but really need to know what it is we're trying to solve if that makes sense! Don't want to focus on the wrong thing.

[lingle]

fantastic - when I look back, I realise it was all quite scary but in a strange way the hard work was very fulfilling too.......hasn't been great for my career but something has to give!

[ConnorTraceptive]

It's funny you saying about your career I had just started to think about going back to work and upping his pre school hours and maybe using a childminder too but I haven't got the brain space to contemplate it right now!

This has been such a helpful thread. The whole thing is very scary and worrying but I've had some great advice so far. Many thanks to everyone who has posted.