Kayden

[Mummyto3plusbump]

what do you think? I have a James (jay) Isaac-Elijah (just Isaac to us) and a Tyler. Do u think Kayden fits in?

[Rindercella]

[ShowOfHands]

I'm just repeating Ziggurat really. What she said.

[ShowOfHands]

It is part of being a socialised human being. It is how we make sense of the world. We learn from experience, we draw comparisons, we use information at our disposal, we respond according to experience and instinct and most importantly we adapt that information to each new situation. And thank goodness we do because it's the adaptation of learnt information that aids us and protects us in other situations. It's not a natural instinct that you want to switch off.

What you are doing AuntieMaggie is assuming that it is only a negative thing when it's just a human thing. Yes, it would be negative if you assumed that a name implied something, laboriously stuck to that assumption, used that as your sole basis for reference and allowed it to prejudice your own behaviour and attitudes. If you met siblings named after Shakespearean heroines, you might assume that the parents also liked the literature you enjoyed and it would begin a conversation for example.

What the baby names topic does is isolate that name and ask for reactions solely to it. Of course, presented with a person or a child or a baby with that name, you don't respond solely to a connotation, you respond to the individual.

You must respond to people according to the way they look. You round the corner, for example, a man is sitting on the floor in dirty and frayed clothes with holes in them, his hair is matted, he is slumped staring into the distance. What do you assume? He is homeless probably. What if the same man sitting there was wearing a suit, was clean and had neat hair. If he was slumped on the floor staring into the distance, would you react differently? Make a different assumption? My example is polarised of course to make a point but I refuse to believe you don't make value judgements based on anything other than, well what? Only what somebody says in an immediate situation? We talk about the past, where we come from, our parents, the experiences that shaped us because they make us who we are. Your name and clothes and mannerisms etc are just signposts to that. How you use the information is what makes the difference.

And you're agreeing with flight, but she's still judging. She might be judging the parents but she's judging the child's background nonetheless.

[NoodleDoodleDoToo]

Of course people make assumptions about people based on their names either subconsiously or not. If you were going to meet an Edna you would think you were going to meet an elderly lady. If you were going to meet a Kylie you would think they were probably in their late twenties early thirties as that is when the name was popular (does anyone name their girls Kylie anymore??). There are loads of examples like that.

Don't like the name Kayden at all very chav and consequently doesn't really 'go' with your classic names of James and Isaac. Love Elijah on it's own as well.

However as an aside my son's middle name is Fabian but only because I allowed DP free reign to choose as he had 'let me' choose DSs first name. My son aged 9 actually thanked me the other week for not having called him Fabian as a first name as he would have been bullied!

[AuntieMaggie]

Why would you assume anything about anyone? I just don't get it.

Someone mentioned makng assumptions on people's cars ffs - most people I know drive what they can afford not what they want!

I'm not saying I'm perfect and haven't made assumptions in the past but I don't judge people on what they're wearing, etc. I don't come across someone's name and think x y and z about them and I don't understand why anyone would.

How people act is different but I learnt a long time ago not to judge someone by the way they look and it just fecks me off that people make assumptions about people forstupid reasons.

[Barbarellas]

Graydon??

[Ziggurat]

OK, so you don't make judgements on people's names, but I honestly can't believe you don't make assumptions about people - if not judgements - based on the myriad different criteria (just as examples) that ShowOfHands lists.

It's what humans do - it's how we process information, and don't reinvent the wheel every time we have social dealings. We learn from past experience and gather it all up in our minds to form opinions - which may or may not be negative - but which simply help us understand the world.

OK, so you personally may not do it with names, but if you say you don't do anything like that at all, I would wonder how you get by in the world, quite honestly.

It's not a bad thing unless you completely let negative connotations override actual facts. Someone may be called Kayden, but be a perfect gentleman - none of us are suggesting he be dismissed outright; we're simply giving our first impressions of the name - as requested by the OP.

I don't understand why people take so much umbrage at negative feedback on this forum - if people ask for opinions on names, they will get them. if you don't want to know, or if you're easily offended on other people's behalves, then it's probably best just to stay away (meant in the nicest possible way, as am not forum police - am just suggesting way to keep blood pressure down ).

[Rindercella]

There was an excellent article in The Times about baby names a couple of years ago, which I have managed to find here

I have linked to it before on MN, well worth a read imo.

[AuntieMaggie]

Me either FA.

I too have an unusual name so maybe thats why I never make assumptions about others based on these names, rather that perhaps their parents named them that because they liked the name or it had some meaning to them. Or perhaps its because in my job I'm exposed to a wide range of people and names which some on here would attach to a stereotype that I just don't do it.

[Flightattendant]

See SoH, I wouldn't judge the people bearing those names. I'd judge their parents!

I have spoken to many a call centre operator who is 18 years old and lumbered with something like Fabian

he is working in Chiswick
his mates laugh at him

but he is truly one of the lads. The only difference is the apologetic note as he introduces himself.

I would never judge his character but I would assume he had had bonkers parents.

I do like Ludmila btw.

[ShowOfHands]

And when people simply said 'I don't like it' the op asked why and for honest views.

You ask, you get...

[ShowOfHands]

Because nature dictates that we make judgements and assumptions about other human beings. When you meet somebody their accent, their name, the way they are dressed, the strength of their handshake, tha amount of make-up they are wearing, the style of their hair, whether they look you in the eye etc, it's an automatic response to myriad stimuli. People aren't saying they would make blind judgements based solely upon name and stick to it irrespective of any other information but a name is a signifier like any other. And when you have only ever heard Kayden/Jayden/Brayden as names associated with a certain socio-economic background then it informs the way you perceive a name. I know two sets of siblings with the following names...

Ptolemy, Ludmilla, Cressida

and

Merlin, Elfin, Phinibus, Japonica

Now, like it or not there are assumptions that most people will make about these people based on their names. And you know what, they might even be right. Names have associations and we have a baby names topic on here so that you can garner opinion.

My name has been roundly slated on here, very cruelly indeed and I know what people assume when they hear it. Nobody in rl believes those things because I am not a name, I'm a person. But we're talking about a name here. Yes other people have admitted to naming their child the name in question and that's difficult but the responses were already forthcoming and so visceral a reaction might be something the op wants to consider when making her final choice.

[AuntieMaggie]

Agree rasputin.

I just don't get why you'd judge someone on their name. No I don't judge anyone on anything except my dealings with them and I feel that it's wrong to do anything else. If I'm in the minority then that's very sad especially in this day and age.

And as most employers are now blanking out names on applications, especially in the sector I work in, to stop discrimination then it's not going to have much effect in that respect.

[BigusBumus]

A friend of DS1s at school had a birthday recently and I sent a card & present spelling it Aidan, which i had assumed was correct. We got a thank-you letter back saying Aiden!

[Ziggurat]

To be honest, I have no idea how MIL was inspired as to the 'e' spelling.

[gaelicsheep]

Lol, I'm not Irish actually ( I'm not Scottish either). I'm from Lancashire (but live in Scotland now).

We named DS after St Aidan, the 7th-century Irish saint who established the monastery at Lindisfarne in Northumberland (I'm a big fan of the wonderful artwork in the Lindisfarne Gospels). So the Aidan spelling goes back nearly 1400 years!

[Ziggurat]

{grin]

[BarbieLovesKen]

Oh God LOL of course gaelicsheep is Irish!! am sooo dozey - am blaming pregnancy brain

[Ziggurat]

BarbieLovesKen - I got the impression gaelicsheep is Irish (please correct me if I'm wrong!) and is saying 'e' is incorrect; 'a' is correct...?

[BarbieLovesKen]

Ziggurat, I'm Irish and any Aidens I know are Irish - is that whay the e spelling maybe?

[gaelicsheep]

Oh Dear God!

Those blardy Americans!

[usualsuspect]

Just call him Eric or Ernest Or Arthur or some other pretentious old mans name.. then all of MN will nod their heads and say great choice

[Ziggurat]

My husband is Aiden, he's Irish and he's 35. So the spelling has been around for some time, and if it's 'incorrect', I'd suggest taking it up with his Irish born and bred mother!

[HeraldAngel]

A Kayden is destined for chavvery. Sorry.